my mind out loud

mama wata

2011-12-04T17:12:00.003-06:00

i know. i've been missing in action on my blog. i have found myself without words more often than not this year. so many stories, so many lives have touched mine, but no words to go along with them. i owe stories about cleft lip repairs and changed lives and harding and the chaos on the streets and such. i'm sorry that my words have also been m.i.a. but here is wata's story

Wata, also, was too young to remember the infection that destroyed her mouth, stiffened her jaw joint and robbed her of speech. She’d been told she was born normal. But then, something happened, and her upper lip was eaten away by infection and her jaw joint was stiffened, only able to open millimeters. This infection is known as Noma and is a disease of poverty. Poor sanitation, unclean drinking water, malnutrition, poor hygiene, lack of immunizations and lack of basic medical care all contribute to Noma’s occurrence. It is an opportunistic disease, often occurring after a childhood illness when the child’s immune system is already weakened. Noma generally occurs in the poorest countries of West Africa. If it is left untreated or treatment is delayed, it is fatal 90% of the time. For those who survive, the effects are permanent. However, Noma can be easily be stopped if diagnosed immediately and treated with intravenous antibiotics.

In Wata’s story, she was one of the few who survived but at terrible cost. She was unloved and unwanted in her village, shunned due to the deformed features left behind after Noma’s ravages were complete. Her frame was slight due to the difficulty she had eating. Eating through a single plate of rice could take hours since she was barely able to move her mouth. Speech was impossible due to the inability to move her mouth up and down. Wata was one of the potential patients seen by the Advance Team. The Maxillofacial surgeon, Dr. Giles, knew there was hope for Wata. A precious appointment card was given.

From the moment she arrived to the ward, Wata had no trouble making her “voice” heard, despite her inability to speak. She assumed the throne of her bed and looked on as daily activities occurred. She murmured unintelligible sounds as she pottered about. She seemed undaunted by the mid-phase where she now had to small mouths that she needed to squeeze nutrition in and breathe through. Daily, Wata’s strength and joy and patience spoke to all who interacted with her, touching lives. After the second stage surgery, Wata’s eyes filled with tears and a sense of wonder crossed her face as she beheld her new features in the mirror. Daily her smile grew more and more pronounced as she continued to direct from the throne of her bed. For the first time in her remembered life she could open her mouth, she could attempt true speech, she could eat!

2011-06-20T17:38:00.001-05:00

June 2011

Dear Family and Friends,

Is it already June? How this year has flown! I started my last newsletter with those words…6 months ago. I apologize for the lack of communication. Though I have wanted to share with those of you at home about the work here, I must confess that at the end of very long days at work, sitting and writing is not high on my priority list. But again, I apologize. This work is not mine alone, it starts in the heart of the Father and is made possible by those who support me both in prayer and financially. I am just the hands and feet. And my lack of communication has meant you haven’t heard how the work you are part of is going.

This outreach has been much more challenging all around. We had a late arrival, a shortened set-up and start-up phase, a riot at our first screening which broke the hearts of the crew and hurt many of the West Africans, and the crew faced a gastric bug that just wouldn’t die and was quite violent in effect on the body. Added to this is the fact that I am now in a leadership role and have felt very stretched by this role. It has been a long time since I was a charge nurse and I forgot just how much goes on behind the scenes. This now falls on me. God has been more than gracious in providing the strength and wisdom for the days, but they are hard days nonetheless.

But all the frustrations and stresses and hurts aside, I have seen broken people made whole. I have seen patients come to be made physically whole and receive spiritual wholeness as well. I have been able to cuddle African babies and shake the hands of men and women who have been outcast or shunned from their villages and homes. They joy in this seemingly nothing gesture because it speaks acceptance and love. I also get to share the knowledge I’ve learned over the years with nurses and day volunteers alike. It is humbling and amazing that God allows us broken people to be part of the work He is doing…He doesn’t need us and yet He invites us to work with Him. Wow!

The story below went out to the crew just before Father’s day. It is what I get to be part of. It is the work you also are part of. Samuel’s story is because of you. When he is finished healing, I hope to share some after photos.

May God bless and keep you and make His face to shine upon you.

As Father’s Day approaches, our thoughts naturally turn to the “father figures” we have or have had in our lives. We treasure our fathers for their love and all the things they provide and teach us.

Samuel, a recent patient of ours, lost his dad when he was very young. Growing up in war-torn Sierra Leone, Samuel’s parents were killed by rebel forces shortly after he was born.

But his troubles do not end there. Samuel had been born with a very large fibrous growth covering his eye and the whole left side of his face—exploding his features. Parentless and scarred, his future was bleak.

Samuel was blessed to have a father figure step in to guide him through the rocky path of life. His Uncle Allen overlooked Samuel’s deformity and instead saw a boy who needed a father’s love.

Now, ten years old, Samuel has undergone corrective surgery on the Africa Mercy. He is on the road to recovery, with Uncle Allen by his side to support and love him.

To all our Dads and father figures – crew, patients, and supporters alike - Happy Father’s Day!

Mercy’s on its way.

how to renew your nursing license while in a foreign country on a ship

2011-06-03T13:35:00.003-05:00

Step 1. Wait until close to the last minute to work on continuing education hours.

Step 2. Check the board of nursing website to verify nursing license number for continuing education hours.

Step 3. Notice comment line on renewal date “Fingerprints required for renewal”.

Step 4. Freak out….I’m on a ship in West Africa?!?!?!?!?!

Step 5. Call the board of nursing and ask for a deferment, get denied.

Step 6. Freak out a bit more…call the purser to ask about the chances of being fingerprinted at the U.S. embassy.

Step 7. Wait until the next morning for the embassy to be open (just b/c it is an emergency to me doesn’t necessarily constitute an actual emergency).

Step 8. Find out fingerprints can only be done by the Sierra Leone government due to the country law.

Step 9. Call the board of nursing and ask for them to mail the fingerprint card.

Step 10. Wait.

Step 11. Wait some more.

Step 12. Receive the paperwork and head to the purser’s office to gain assistance in getting to the police station.

Step 13. Get fingerprinted by the local police.

Step 14. Call my sister-in-law to send a check for the renewal fee (did I mention I’m on a ship in West Africa? She has my checks.)

Step 15. Fill out the paperwork. Worry over what to put in the zip code of employer line…that whole ship thing again.

Step 16. Worry about how to figure out what my primary area of nursing is since I met 13 of 16 possible choices. Choose other. (options included pediatrics, ICU, medical/surgical, community health, post-operative...yes, yes, yes, yes, yes...other it is)

Step 17. Write a letter to go with all the forms. (fax it just in case it gets lost)

Step 18. Put the envelope into the hands of a trusted friend to put in the mail the moment she arrives back in the States.

Step 19. Wait. And pray.

Step 20. Wait some more.

Step 21. Decide to check the board of nursing website even though it is too soon for any decision and find my license has been renewed!

Step 22. Share with my boss and friends and family and cry happy tears of relief. Thank God for His hand over all of it.

final backlogged blogging

2011-05-30T14:36:00.000-05:00

What I’m up to this year…this year I am doing a bit different role on the ship…well, a lot different in that this role is completely new. We have gone to team nursing this outreach to match the different surgical specialities we have onboard. I am the maxillofacial team leader. Because this role is new, it isn’t fully defined yet but it is clinical (meaning I’m still in the wards) somewhere between a charge nurse and nurse manager. I oversee the care of all the max-facs patients in the ward but don’t really do any of the day to day nursing care. I’ve been doing a lot of education of the new nurses and our day volunteers (African nationals who work in the wards as translators or housekeepers). I help manage the bed/nurse assignments and I think more will eventually fall into this role as well. The more is a hard pill to swallow right now since I am already working about 50 hours a week but I think that mostly has to do with how start-up and setup happened and that it will get easier and less every week (just in time to add more in J) It also means a Monday-Friday 8-5 schedule (or close anyways).

I have never really viewed myself as a leader so this leadership position has been a huge stretching role for me. Often I find myself “on my knees” asking for His strength and wisdom b/c I cannot do it on my own.

We also have a plastics team leader (who did ortho at the beginning of the outreach) and a general team leader. The three of us along with the ward supervisor and assistant ward supervisor and ward educator make up the leadership team on the ward side of the hospital. It is a great group of ladies to work with. Each of them has taught me and encouraged me in ways they likely don’t understand. We do tend to see each other at our most frustrated so we make it a point to pray together and also to get off ship and not talk shop together every so often as well.

So, now that my role is likely clear as mud to you…(me too)…that’s what I’m up to this year. Your prayers are greatly coveted for this stretching period.

more backlogged blogging

2011-05-22T07:50:00.002-05:00

so, one night when i couldn't get internet to work but knew i had some back-logged blogging to do, i sat in my cabin typing away in a word document. it was my normal method of free thought but with four subjects i wanted to address. i put the subjects down and then went back to address them. a few days later, i started uploading in the order they appeared on the page, not necessarily the order i typed about them. just a f.y.i. on why the next bit begins the way it does even though it is 3rd in line of the backlogged stuff. =)

Being back is probably the easiest place to start or at least the one that makes the most sense. I arrived mid-January to South Africa. The ship was in a phase of dry-dock for having new generators placed. Things were delayed with the repairs so rather than get straight onboard, I went instead to the unused teachers’ college campus where the bulk of the non-technical crew were staying. Each weekday, those who didn’t have specific work at the campus (ie the teachers) rode the hour and a half drive to the ship where they put in hours cleaning the ship. It is amazing how dirty this place can get without constant cleaning. I only went the first couple of days before being assigned to a job staying on campus. I can’t tell you how happy I was to see the ship that first day going up to work. It was definitely an experience of coming home. Unfortunately, I struggled with motion sickness each day of the drive so someone who wanted desperately to go the ship daily took my place and I was assigned to work in the dining room staff. It was an interesting experience. While I’ve always recognized how hard the dining room staff worked, now I was learning it by experiencing it. I found that those who knew me and that I was a nurse went out of their way to say thank you to me. Those who didn’t know me previously and only knew me as dining room staff didn’t say thank you. I didn’t need the thanks…in fact, I was often uncomfortable with it. By the end of my days there, I was thankful for those who just accepted that I was there serving in whatever way I was serving.

About two weeks after I arrived in South Africa, we all moved back on ship and continued daily cleaning in preparation of sailing. As soon as we were back on ship, I was transferred back to the hospital staff. We were able to get a jump start on the hospital, doing things we normally do after arriving into our host country…things like stripping and waxing the hospital floors which get terribly dirty over a year’s time. And the first time through of double bleaching. Then it was time to tie down and get sailing.

There is a saying that says “you can’t go home again.” Now, while that is not completely true, it is true that you can’t go someplace you’ve been before and expect it to be completely the same. After the years of travel nursing and even for the six months I was home, I knew this was true and expected it upon my return to the ship. The person who has been away has changed over the time and life has continued wherever they have been. The same is true for those “left behind”. And you have to work at those relationships or they don’t survive the return. I experienced this a bit while I was at home—not feeling quite as at home in my life group at church or not really fitting in well at work. I also experienced it/expected it as I returned to the ship. It hasn’t been bad, just different. I still enjoy being here. I still enjoy my friends here. It’s just different.

backlogged blogging again

2011-05-20T11:57:00.001-05:00

Sailing as usual is one of my favorite and least favorite parts of the ship. I enjoy being out on the ocean and seeing the waves, feeling the ocean breeze, watching the sun rise and set over the endless blue. But, no matter how calm the sea, I always also live with the motion sickness throughout the length of the sail. This particular sail was 16 days long. I worked a few hours each during the morning and afternoon and rested the rest of the time. Once again we played sock-golf during the sail. One of my friends Sam, despite having designed a new course still managed to take first place and remain reigning champion.

Although I have been in the southern hemisphere and crossed the equatorial line 3 times, it has been by plane. This sail, however, I crossed from southern into northern on a ship. If you have never sailed across the equator, you are considered a shellback. After sailing across, you are considered a pollywog. I have to admit to a teensy bit of jealousy of my friends who stayed aboard for the shipyard phase when they sailed across. But, now I am a pollywog too! J There are all sorts of traditions that go along with sailing across but very few onboard took part in them (things like dancing naked which is definitely not mercy ships approved or shaving your head which a few of the guys did). I celebrated my pollywog status by vomiting for the first time ever while sailing due to the change of the currents making my motion sickness kick into overdrive. L I enjoyed several movie and game dates with friends as we prepared for the upcoming outreach and then…we were here!

backlogged blogging...setup and startup

2011-05-17T00:22:00.000-05:00

Okay, now for some backlogged blogging. Sorry for the long delay in blogging but things have just been absolutely mad here…we hit the ground running and well, it is just now starting to settle down.

Setup and start up looked so much different than in Benin and Togo. We had a shorter amount of time to setup this year due to our delays in shipyard. Because we had done more work in shipyard than we normally do, we thought it would be okay. As it was, as soon as the mooring lines were tight, the “old” nurses were down moving boxes even though it was Sunday. We unpacked for a few hours and then the race began the next morning. Normally the ward cupboards have supplies in them packed tightly and secured for sail and the hold is filled with supplies as well. This year, however, the hold was full but it was all stuff that normally lives in the ward. So we had to start from scratch…nothing in the cupboards, only a handful of people who had seen any of the stuff in its rightful place ever before and lots of dirty, rusted and molded stuff where water had seeped into one of the containers. So, with a few “old” nurses directing a lot of new nurses, we tried to finish the floors, unload containers, double and triple bleach everything, sort through the rusted and molded stuff to see what was salvageable, setup the beds and cupboards and carts, unpack the pharmacy, unpack newly arrived containers filled with supplies, fill the ward with supplies. We had 10 days to setup, screen patients (I’ve already blogged about that) for the outreach, hold a reception for the crew who aren’t hospital staff to see the hospital before it got into full swing, orient new nurses to working on the wards and figure out how things were going to work for the new team leader rolls. They were long, exhausting days pushing hard. And because setup was so crazy, it set the tone for startup as well. The first month we were here, I think I worked on average 55-58 hours a week. I didn’t have a full day off until the 5^th week (unless you count a couple of sick days from a nasty head cold).

Now while all that sounds like a complaint, (and it was exhausting), the truth is from day one we were seeing lives changed and broken bodies made whole again, spirits touched by the love of Jesus, strength provided for each of us. I cannot say I didn’t have days of tears or frustration. But I can say I saw God’s hand at work. Now, things are running a bit more smoothly the more nurses settle into their rolls. We’ve already seen the first wave of 8 week commitment nurses leave and new ones take their places. And I am acutely aware that all this work that the Father is doing, He doesn’t need me here to do, but He has graciously asked me to work in His work and given the strength to do so. I am humbled by that. I am broken by that. I am honored by that.

kept

2011-05-15T11:18:00.002-05:00

Psalm 146
Praise the LORD!Praise the LORD, O my soul! I will praise the LORD as long as I live; I will sing praises to my God while I have my being. Put not your trust in princes, in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation. When his breath departs, he returns to the earth; on that very day his plans perish. Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the LORD his God, who made heaven and earth,the sea, and all that is in them, who keeps faith forever; who executes justice for the oppressed, who gives food to the hungry. The LORD sets the prisoners free; the LORD opens the eyes of the blind. The LORD lifts up those who are bowed down; the LORD loves the righteous. The LORD watches over the sojourners; he upholds the widow and the fatherless, but the way of the wicked he brings to ruin. The LORD will reign forever, your God, O Zion, to all generations. Praise the LORD!

I was reading this the other day in my Bible study time. I’ve switched versions I read in this year to get a fresh glimpse into His Word and verse 6 struck me…”who (the LORD) keeps faith forever;” I looked it up in several more versions and many said “keep”. I felt the Holy Spirit nudge me as I read this…He keeps faith forever. There is the obvious understanding of the LORD being faithful forever, of keeping faith with us forever. But, what the Spirit was speaking to me was from an understanding of the word keep. (the dictionary defines keep as a verb meaning "to retain possession or to hold as one's own)…He keeps the faith for us; He holds our faith as His own. Yes, we have a responsibility to seek Him, to do in accordance with His purposes. But, He keeps our faith for us. We can trust Him to hold our faith in safe, strong hands. It goes along with Philippians 2:12-13 “continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will (desire Him and His purposes) and to act (works of faith) according to His good purpose.”

screening day take 2

2011-04-03T07:10:00.003-05:00

i'm behind on how many posts i need to get up but to be honest, it has been absolutely mad here with 12-14 hour days on the weekdays as well as 2-6 hours on the weekends. i have some i.o.u.'s in mind but for now will just share about our second screening day.

last weekend, we held a second screening day so that we could fill our remaining holes in the surgery schedule. for those of you who've read how the first screening went, i don't have to tell you that there was a bit of concern in each heart as we approached this second screening. a new site was selected and increased security measures (including riot police as a precaution) were in place to hopefully keep the day from being a repeat of the previous screening.

several of our men went out at 2pm the day before to get the site secure and prepare. there were already people waiting for them when they arrived to the site. a long afternoon/evening/night passed for the men as they did some pre-screening to keep out of line those who had medical conditions that we weren't able to treat as well as to keep the line in order. when we arrived at 5:30am the next morning, the west africans who had spent the night in line were SEATED in a nice orderly line! well done security team. as soon as it was light we started screening the hundreds of people who had waited to be seen. as always, there were some we had to say no to which breaks our hearts but many who we were able to say yes to and they filed in to the lines behind the gate of registration, seeing a physician and then getting a surgery date figured out. we were able to fill in most of the rest of the surgery schedule!

now, we are starting to settle into a bit of the routine of the outreach so hopefully, the pace will calm and i can get to the i.o.u.'s soon.

further

2011-03-10T16:47:00.002-06:00

an update on where we are after monday's tragedy. (by the way, i was on ship as medical coverage and so was not part of the events of monday. my job, though i didn't know it at the start of the day, was to be in prayer over each of the groups of crew who returned as the captain spoke to them about the events they had experienced)

those injured in monday's event were transported to local hospitals by the mercy ships crew. all but 2 have been released after being observed overnight. the other 2 need further care, one of them needing surgery. we are working in partnership with the hospital to make sure they obtain all the care they need.

i wish it were that easy for the crew. it is like watching the walking wounded. so many hearts are broken and no words can really describe it. to me it looks the same as a mother who lost her child to illness and no words will contain the pain or fix it--her world is forever changed. the same for the crew. it has been eye opening to us to see that level of desperation that we cannot truly fathom. it has been eye opening to some to see the spiritual warfare. and because we all believe that God has called us to this time and place, the work goes on whilst trying to work out what we can of monday's events. we are all looking forward to meeting our first patients (scheduled in the upcountry screening). they arrive on the ship on sunday afternoon for surgery on monday.

how can you pray?

for comfort (for the crew and the people of sierra leone who reportedly are deeply shamed by monday's events)
for peace to fill the hearts of the both the crew and the people of sierra leone
for healing (for both the crew and the ones injured on monday)
for wisdom (for the sierra leone government and the leaders of mercy ships)
against the spirits of darkness at work in this land and people
for the Holy Spirit to be loosed in the ship and country to spread light in the darkness and to do a mighty work in the land
for the people we could not see on monday to somehow connect with us so we can provide the care that many of them spent half a year's wages on just to get to the ship

also, if you'd like to read what the experience was like from one of the nurses who was there, check out my friend deb's blog here. it is absolutely heartbreaking.
also you can check out cyle's blog here which describes more of the chaos and pain.

pray

2011-03-08T00:21:00.000-06:00

Yesterday (Monday, 7 March) was our first screening day in Freetown, Sierra Leone. Today our hearts are broken. I would like to share with you the statement sent out by Mercy Ships. Also, please know that no crew members were physically hurt in the events of yesterday though most carry some heart wounds now that were not there before.

"Mercy Ships is deeply saddened by the tragic events that occurred today during medical screening at the Freetown National Stadium when a crowd stormed the gate resulting in several injuries and one life lost.

Mercy Ships personnel working at the site attended the injured and accompanied them to local hospitals.

"Our hearts and prayers are with the individuals and families of those affected by today's events. The occurrence of this incident in the course of activities intended to restore lives is tragic. We move forward with tremendous sadness, but great determination, to assist as many people as possible in the next ten months," stated Mercy Ships Founder, Don Stephens.

Mercy Ships exists to serve the forgotten poor and has served Sierra Leone five times over the past two decades, also helping establish two land-based health care facilities. For the next ten months, Mercy Ships will be providing surgeries for qualified patients while working alongside the Sierra Leonean Government to support its five-year healthcare plan and strengthen the functions of the national health system.

Please keep the people of Sierra Leone and the Mercy Ships crew in your prayers, not just today but in the months to come. "

thanks,
natalie

appelsbosch

2011-01-25T00:46:00.003-06:00

a little more about the campus. some of this is from the friends who have lived here all along and are telling everyone with t-shirts emblazoned "i survived the bosch". some of it is from my first week here.

estelle "it's what i think living in a cloud would be like". the campus is located in a hilly area and mists often settle around it. the last three days have been grey, with a constant fine mist wetting everything and everyone who is outside, and actual mist clouds surrounding and blocking views at times. it is cool (although that to me is a welcome relief from the humidity/heat blanket that sat on us on sunday).

dorms...you know, i didn't even do the dorm thing when i went to university so doing it now is a bit interesting. thankfully, i have a single room (a luxury considering on ship i will share with 3 other ladies). there are toilets and showers on each floor but they are shared so you may be brushing your teeth when someone walks out of the toilet stall behind you. not as bad in the girls only dorm or boys only dorm as the family/couple dorms where you may have some guy wander out of the toilet while you're brushing your teeth.

water...when i first arrived, we were on a bit of a restriction as the area was having to divert water away from the hospital to the campus (hmmmm, the nurse in me doesn't like that even if it meant no shower for me). this has been an ongoing struggle for those who've been here the last many months when there would be days without water. in fact, in the galley/dining room, we had to fill large vats of water in case the water should go out again so we would have water to cook with and drink. but, it has been running well since the first few days of my time here.

internet...sluggish and occasionally just doesn't work. nothing new there really.

bugs...i think i acquired 10 mosquito bites the first night, all on my left side. and over the days a few more bites, not all mosquitoes. there are bugs around called termites that swarm occasionally. in the few moments it took to close my windows the other night, we had 5 come in. which was 5 too many but apparently only a minor swarm. they come in and shed their wings and mate and crawl around. the next morning lots of wings littered the corridors. not a fan of those things for sure.

other aspects are similar to ship life or community living minus the constant hum of the generators in the background or the gentle rocking. tuesday morning and thursday evening meetings. hanging out in central area (gym here, mid-ships on-board) to access internet or play games. gathering in someone's room/cabin to watch a video. dining at the same time every meal with people who you wouldn't see in the "real world" like your next-door neighbor or your friend's kid's teacher or the banker.

from my friends' blogs/newsletters/emails, in the first few months, they were very isolated here. not able to get out and about and adding in the frustrations with internet and water and decreased crew, it was the struggles of "missional" living without the benefits of actually being involved with the local culture. although the restrictions have largely lifted and especially with the daily trips to the ship for preparation for moving back on board, it isn't quite the same frustration but there are many here who are burnt out and just done. i don't have that same frustration but i am with them on saying i can't wait to get back on ship. (of course since everything isn't quite up and running, when we get back to the ship, it will be interesting but more about that once i've experienced it ;-) hehehe)

africa again, the first week

2011-01-24T02:27:00.002-06:00

I’m back in Africa! Because of the delays with the generator replacement, the ship is still docked in Durban, South Africa and I am living with many of the crew at an unused teacher’s college called Appelsbosch about an hour and a half drive from the ship. We are still unsure of when we will return to the ship and when we will sail towards Sierra Leone. This means many of us who are generally in the hospital, which is closed until we get to Sierra Leone, have been involved in cleaning the ship in preparation for the crew to return and also moved to different jobs at Appelsbosch. I spent my first few days after arriving taking it easy so as to get over the upper respiratory infection and jet lag. Tuesday after I arrived was my first journey back to the ship with all the cleaning crew. It was so good to see “home” even if I’m not yet living there. And then, the fun began =) Tuesday and Wednesday I was on cleaning crews working throughout the ship doing various fun jobs such as washing the walls, wiping down chairs, stripping and waxing floors. It was a hot, dirty and smelly job. And the start and end of each day involved the 90 minute drive back and forth from the campus. And unfortunately, my motion sickness isn’t relegated just to sailing so each day started and finished with some motion sickness. Because the work was progressing well for the cleaning crews on ship, my boss moved me to the dining room crew at the campus so I could miss out on the 3 hour transit/motion sickness time. So, for our time here at Appelsboch, I will be working in the dining room.

I have always known it was a hard job but have a new respect for both the dining room crew and galley crew. Imagine getting up at minimum an hour before the rest of the crew arrives for breakfast to set out food and fill water/juice/milk tanks. When the crew arrives, then you have to keep the food topped off, dishes washed, water/juice/milk filled, check on the coffee and tea supplies, check on the condiments. Now the crew leaves for work and the galley crew arrives to start getting ready for lunch as the dining room crew continues to clean up after breakfast—wipe down all surfaces for food, wipe down tables, clean toaster, restock water/juice, sweep and begin the mopping process that will take all week to get through the entire dining room. Then, the dining room crew gets an hour break before coming back and setting up lunch that the galley crew has been putting together. It’s lunchtime, and now time to repeat the keeping food topped up, dishes washed, etc. Lunch is over, clean up again. This time there is a 3 hour break before dinner and then the fun begins all over. The galley staff has been working this whole time to prepare food for the evening and often end up cooking through the dinner time and just eating as they go. Although I got several thank you’s because it isn’t my normal job, I know it is often a thankless job—people who don’t like what has been cooked complain, dishes don’t get washed fast enough and someone has to wait on a clean plate, or food isn’t quite ready because of the way the crew comes in spurts and someone has to wait. The staff become part of the furnishings—crew drop off their plates for washing up without even noticing there is a person in the room. So, my hats off to the dining room and galley staff. I have gained a new respect for how hard you work and will enjoy my brief sojourn here in this department.

There are pictures around somewhere of the hard work but I don’t have them yet. Hopefully I’ll be able to add some later on so you can appreciate the work in photos.

a "good" gift

2010-12-10T06:09:00.002-06:00

it's Christmas. that time of year when everything seems to touch our hearts, when joy and love and laughter and times with family and friends fill the days, a time of hope and peace. it is a "good" time of the year. as Believers in Christ as the Son of the Heavenly Father, this time of year is special as we remember the greatest gift ever given to man...infinite love and mercy wrapped in swaddling clothes and laid in a manger.

the Bible only briefly touches on the hardship that mary and joseph experienced in being chosen to bear the Hope of all time. but, something i was reading the other day made me stop and think about it. mary was young, likely a teenager, being asked to bear her first child. she was pregnant, never having been with a man, but who was going to believe that...the proof was right there before everyone. in her culture, pregnancy out of wedlock was easily a stone-able offense but joseph initially thought to just divorce her. in her culture, divorce carried a very bad stigma. she faced whispers and rumors and divorce and death. she could have been disowned by her parents in a culture where the only means of income left to her due to her condition was prostitution or it's equal. joseph would have faced some of the same whispers and rumors and basically held mary's life in his hands...choosing between death and divorce. what a "good" gift given to them, right? but mary responded "i am your servant." and joseph chose to take mary as his wife b/c he was led by the Father.

we see (and rightly so) the greatness of the gift to mary and joseph and all mankind. but, next time we are tempted to whisper "where is God when it hurts?" or shout "a good God wouldn't allow this!" or doubt, perhaps we will remember that the greatest gift of all didn't seem so at the time. and yet, by entering into His purpose willingly, what joy! what blessing came.

merry Christmas!

love me now...

2010-10-27T04:36:00.002-05:00

i ran across this poem a little bit ago and although it was about someone who was dying, it is a good reminder for us who are living...and i would even go so far as to add...not only love and let them know, but love well.

The Time is Now

If you are ever going to love me,
Love me now, while I can know
The sweet and tender feelings
Which from true affection flow.
Love me now
While I am living.
Do not wait until I am gone
And then have it chiseled in marble,
Sweet words on ice-cold stone.
If you have tender thoughts of me,
Please tell me now.
If you wait until I am sleeping,
Never to awaken,
There will be death between us
And I won't hear you then.
So, if you love me, even a little bit,
Let me know while I am living,
So I can treasure it.
author unknown

nails

2010-09-29T13:48:00.002-05:00

below is a short quote my pastor shared on sunday and my thoughts on it. it really touched me and i hope it will do the same for you.

We tell the Lord in the beginning of the day that we want to do his will regardless of the cost. Yet we often find, by nightfall, that our cross, so earnestly accepted in the morning hours, has been dropped somewhere along the way. Why is our cross so difficult to hold on to while Christ persevered to the end? What did the cross of Christ have that ours lacks? Answer: NAILS. The nails are to Jesus’ cross what our obedience is to Christ’s call to discipleship. Have you noticed the nails that are offered to you each day? They are the momentary situations in which you have a choice to make: Deciding not to explode in anger when your kid breaks something you told her not to touch. Helping someone when you are rushed for time and don’t feel like helping. Being a host even if it costs you time, money, or position. Not insisting on having things done your own way even though you’re convinced you are right. Sometimes the nails seem so small, yet they’re so essential. (Michael Smith, “Nails,” Discipleship Journal 2, no. 7 (January 1982): 33).

we are each called to bear a cross, a burden. it is often easily shed unless we accept the "nails" that bind us to our cross just as Christ was bound to His cross by nails. His nails were justice, mercy, love--He was bound to His cross in love! our love for Him should cause us to accept the "nails" He offers to bind us to our crosses. the nails may be seemingly little things or overwhelmingly big things...but they are given to draw us and hold us closer to Christ.

Anchored

2010-08-23T15:53:00.005-05:00

forgive the sea metaphor but IT IS what i've known the last two years...sitting at anchor doesn't sound like it would be that bad, right? well, actually, it was the one time when a few of my friends who didn't ever have sea-sickness while sailing got to experience my daily experience with motion sickness. the ship is being pushed and prodded by the sea and wants to move. but the anchor, dropped deep in the ocean keeps the ship on a tight leash in a specific area. not very fun really. and if you add in a storm tossed sea, i cannot imagine how much you would feel the pushing and pulling of the sea. but, it is a bit like it feels right now trying to readjust to home, when this place really hasn't been home in years. thankfully, as the song below says, (even though sitting at anchor isn't easy), the Anchor holds!

ray boltz "the anchor holds"
i have journeyed through the long dark night out on the open sea
by faith alone sight unknown and yet his eyes were watching me

the anchor holds though the ship is battered
the anchor holds though the sails are torn
i have fallen on my knees as i faced the raging seas
the anchor holds in spite of the storm

i've had visions i've had dreams i've even held them in my hand
but i never knew they would slip right through like they were only grains of sand

i have been young but i am older now
and there has been beauty these eyes have seen
but it was in the night through the storms of my life
that's where God proved his love to me

transplanted

2010-07-14T13:56:00.002-05:00

I could probably share how even though this is "my" culture that I have come "home" to that it feels different or off somehow...as if I have been transplanted into a space not quite my own. Instead, I want to share some thoughts the Spirit whispered to me last week when I had some unexpected quiet/alone time during the crazy loveliness of Amy's wedding week.

John 15:1-8
"I am the Vine"
"My Father is the Gardener"
"Remain"
"I am the Vine, you are the branches"

When a surgeon is transplanting an organ, it is a very time-consuming, nerve-wracking, intricate and intimate process. The surgeon knows every bit of that organ as he/she painstakingly stitches each part of the transplanted organ into place...nerves, muscle, blood vessels. Then, he/she watches as the clamps are released and blood flows in to infuse the organ with life! But, it doesn't stop there. he/she watches over the patient (or transplanted organ) regularly...checking labs and getting x-rays or sonos and then tweaking this or that. The same goes for the gardener who has grafted a branch to a vine. Extra care is given to this branch, making sure it is getting just enough sun, just enough water, enough room to grow, enough. The grafted branches or transplanted organs are not left on their own to hopefully "take" and grow...they are lovingly watched over and cared for by the "transplantor".

We are branches grafted in to the Vine...when it seems dark and lonely and we wonder if we will survive, we are not on our own but being lovingly cared for by the Gardener. We are transplants into the family. He is watching over us, not leaving us to wander through this life on our own and trying to make ourselves into His image...NO! He is remaking us, reworking us...He has called us away to a new life but continues to work it out in us.

just some thoughts.

article

2010-06-29T09:20:00.002-05:00

article about me in the local paper. off by just a bit on the timing...2 months or 2 years?!?!?

blind, deaf, mute

2010-06-04T09:08:00.003-05:00

so, the other morning, i wanted to teach my one of my patients about oral care. i grabbed a translator and headed over to his bed. can you please tell kombate that i want to teach him about oral care. ok, now i want him to take the green mouth swab and dip it into the liquid . patient interrupts and points at his eyes. translator turns to me and says, "he cannot see. he is blind." okay, a bit of a problem but explains why he has a caregiver. (and wishing i had heard this in shift handover!). so, let's call the caregiver over and have her help him. the translator introduces himself and me to kombate's caregiver. she gestures to her ears. and the translator turns to me and says, she can't hear. i am simply stunned. we admitted a BLIND patient with a DEAF caregiver?!?!?!??! how does that help? ok, well we've got to carry on with the teaching and i'll just have to help guide kombate's hands. as the translator is speaking my words to kombate, the ridiculousness of the situation causes me to giggle and by the end, i am outright laughing so hard that tears are running down my face. the only thing that would have made this more comical is if i (the nurse) had been MUTE. (but we all know i have no problem with words).

turns out later, the caregiver is not actually deaf. she can hear. but she speaks a dialect no one else speaks so for all intents and purposes she is deaf to us. i still have to teach her by hang guestures and no words.

i will miss this place.

june newsletter

2010-06-02T01:46:00.006-05:00

above photos: me with patient Anne (smallest Ponsetti casts ever!), Marius after surgery
second row: getaway weekend in front of waterfall, African road
bottom: cabin mates Amy (and fiancee Sam), Miriam and Haley

Dear Family and Friends,

I hope this letter/email finds each of you well. It would be great to hear from each of you how you are doing. Once again, I find myself amazed at how much time has passed since my last newsletter. I apologize for not sending one sooner. I am having trouble trying to summarize these past few months. How do I summarize the triumphs and failures, the joys and sorrows, the work, the life?

Infant feeding program: When the outreach started, I was the interim Feeding Program Coordinator. It was a busy time as each week new infants were referred from our screenings to be evaluated for the feeding program. I saw every baby under a year who had a cleft lip and/or palate as well as a set of premature twins. I would see each of these babies on a once or twice weekly visit to check and see how well they were gaining weight. Marius was one of our babies. He came in weighing around 2.5 kg (5.5 lbs) at four months of age…this is a normal birth weight! He was not much more than skin and bones. We supplied formula and teaching and encouragement and prayers for mom. Two months later, he tipped the scales at 5.3 kg (11.6 lbs) and was ready for surgery. After a rocky post-operative phase, he finally moved to the ward to the cheers of fellow patients and nurses and the praise song bursting forth from his mother’s heart.

Pediatric coordinator: Another role I’ve held this year. It meant reading lots of policies and research to update the policies. It meant teaching adult nurses to be pediatric nurses. It meant reading through lots of charts to see where we could do better. It meant lots of snuggles with kids with ready smiles if someone will just show them love…that was easy!

Pediatric ICU nurse: This is my official role on the ship. It has been a very difficult one this year. With my own grief from

mom’s passing so very fresh, each ICU patient, each patient death was ripping at a hurt barely beginning to heal. It has been a rough time. There have been more ICU patients than I remember being in the ICU last outreach. I think there have been less deaths but the ones have been patients that tore at our hearts…patients from last outreach, babies. There have been patients who should have done fine but then didn’t. I’ve had to use knowledge/skills that are not in my everyday here even though they were in my everyday work at home. BUT, it also meant getting to see a miracle. There are little day-to-day miracles that we miss a lot because we aren’t looking. But this miracle was an in-your-face, you can’t miss it miracle! We were preparing to place a breathing tube in a patient who had been struggling to breathe for over an hour. After a prayer by the surgeon, not only did we NOT intubate, but we were able to give less breathing support than we were previously giving! That just doesn’t happen. God is pretty amazing!

Emergency Medical Team: I am also on the EMT. It means that any time there is a patient doing badly or a crew member injured, there will be an overhead bell and the EMT will be called with a location. (it also means pretend victims every two weeks during fire drills). One EMT call found me sitting in the front room of my cabin with my cabin-mate Amy, both reading. I couldn’t find my shoes but hers were handy (pun intended!) so I dashed off in her shoes. I got upstairs to find it was Amy’s fiancée Sam who had lost the tip of his finger in a fight with the lift (elevator)…unfortunately the lift won. It is always a bit harder taking care of those who already live in my heart.

I always try to be honest with each of you. I am certain that I was supposed to return here this year even after mom’s passing, but it has definitely been harder. Although the joys are there, they are muted somehow…I can’t dance to the African worship music, the patients’ smiles wrap around my heart but there have been so many days when I could barely smile in return, I have been quieter, I have cried more. And yet, there has been such a peace and I have so clearly seen God’s hand on this time. The joys ARE there, even if they are muted. There IS laughter and love…just a bit quieter than usual. The work HAS been a blessing, just a bit harder to see.

What’s next??? Well…I’m coming home in mid-June. I’ll be home for about six months. The ship will be sailing to South Africa in August where it will go into dry dock for engine replacement. (They have to cut a big hole in the side of the ship to take out the old engines and place the new ones). Because of this, there will be limited medical outreach (eyes only) and so I will come home and work for a time. When I first get home, I will be heading to Amy and Sam’s wedding in Chicago. After that, I will likely be in Texas working. I look forward to seeing you all at home and sharing some time with you.

This work is just as much yours as it is mine and it is all for His glory. I could not be here serving if it weren’t for my gracious financial and prayer supporters. I pray that this work will bless you as well. You are part of each patient’s story. I am only the hands. Thank you, for myself and those who cannot say thank you.

discovered

2010-05-27T13:59:00.002-05:00

discovery canada has a program called mighty ships. the africa mercy is going to be featured on it sometime in june. you can check out the blurb about it here.

the other end of the hall

2010-05-19T00:30:00.002-05:00

b/c i am a picu nurse, i spend most of my time in "d-ward" where our high-acuity patients stay. but there has been a little one here down the other way in "a-ward" who has a beautiful story that you should hear. however, since i am rarely down there, her story is best shared by one who loved on her daily, ali. the posts from ali's blog are below.

aissa's intro
aissa's progress
aissa and lub
aissa's beauty

hope you enjoy aissa's stories through ali's words

kenya

2010-05-08T13:31:00.003-05:00

well, although it is quite out of order, i wanted to tell you about my trip to kenya over Easter weekend. i went to kenya to visit a mission hospital and stayed with a surgeon (who i met on the ship in liberia) and his family. i went over Easter weekend b/c i was able to travel to and from togo with the ship's academy teachers who were attending an international Christian educators conference in rift valley.

we arrived into nairobi early thursday morning and i caught a taxi into the city and met up with a family traveling out to the mission hospital (tenwek) about 3 hours west of nairobi. once we arrived in tenwek, i met up with jason (the surgeon) and his wife heather and daughters anna and abi who welcomed me graciously into their home for the next few days. during the next few days i got to experience no power for the first day (black and silent!), a Passover seder, touring the mission hospital and getting to see a bit of how things work in country (as opposed to on a ship in port in the country), cuddles from the kids, watching the kids have an Easter egg hunt, meeting a chameleon and just spending some time with jason and his family. it was very nice. kenya (at least where they live) is quite different from the west african countries i've been in so far. the elevation is much higher (made climbing stairs a bit difficult for someone used to living at sea level) and it is green and cooler. and somehow i managed to take no photos at all of my time visiting the faders in kenya so no pics to share here.

the last night i was in kenya, i traveled via a matato (african 12 passenger bus generally with more than 12 passengers) the three hours back to nairobi and then spent an hour trying to find the mission house i wanted to stay in. one thing about the african culture, they really do want to help you and don't want to offend you so if you ask a question, you will get an answer whether or not it is the right one. several "helpful" people later, i realized there was no way i was finding the correct matato to get to the street i needed and just asked the next taxi driver to take me to a safe, inexpensive hotel. i enjoyed some african food that night and then a short night before heading to the airport and back to the ship.

i enjoyed my time with the teachers in the travels and visiting with the faders. it was interesting to see a bit of how hospitals work in country. although i eventually would like to work in country at some point (which country? when? not yet answered), i realized after this visit, i am not quite to that point yet...

next...t.i.a. (coming soon)

slipping away

2010-05-02T19:24:00.002-05:00

our little "miracle" baby obre slipped away from his broken body into the arms of Jesus on friday. part of me wants to question God at why the miracle a few weeks earlier if He was planning a Home-going even then. part of me was very selfishly glad i wasn't on shift when he slipped away. part of me could rejoice that obre's healing was eternal and not just temporal while part of me was heart-broken for mom...who watched and cheered marius' triumphal entry the other day even as obre was slipping away. days like these are rough...we have to trust in the Soveignty of the Father and yet our hearts cry out and break within us. please pray for Obre's family. and those of us who had to say another goodbye.

sounds of silence

2010-04-30T05:26:00.005-05:00

just now, i am sitting in the midship's lounge during morning tea time. i can hear multiple conversations going on as well as the steaming of milk for a latte and in the background the ever-present sound of the generator. last weekend, however, a few friends and i were able to get away and experience some "silence".

we (sarah, miriam, amy, sam, ben and i) rode up kpalime (about a 3 hour trip from the ship) and checked into our hotel. the one i called with a french translator to book 2 rooms in...one 2 person room for the boys, one 4 person room for the girls. the manager had no idea we were coming (typical africa). the rooms were not big enough for 4 people so we split 3/3 instead with the boys graciously offering to take mattresses on the floor so the girls wouldn't have to. no sound of a generator here. just stillness. we got back into the van and met up with a group from the ship staying across the street and drove up to a waterfall. a rainstorm blew in while we were driving up and the wind was rushing through the trees. not really silence i guess but not 400 people trying to hold conversations at the same time. we hiked down the mountain to the waterfall in the rain and went swimming (cold!). when we arrived back to the hotel later it was to find that the power was out, more silence, and they were using tea lights in the corridor. thankfully, the water was running when we returned and we could shower (not so much the next morning). about halfway through our candle-lit time sitting at the dinner table, the power came back on. we played games until late and then crawled into our beds with only the sound of the fan to accompany our sleep. somewhere during the night, we lost this sound as the power went out again. the silence was then only disturbed in the morning by the hotel staff sweeping the walkways...and b/c of the previous silence, this was very loud indeed. after doing a sterile dressing change on sam's finger while sitting on the porch of the hotel, we wandered around the village's red, dusty roads exploring. we ate some fan ice (frozen milk/juice in plastic packets) sitting outside the fan ice building, spending an hour or so haggling over football (soccer) shirts in the market, passing a very ornate church building, and listening as a man tried to convince ben and i he would either "take us to a place where the fish would come to us" or "take us to a place and offer us as a sacrifice to the fish gods" and then finally piling back into the van to return home. even the van trip was one of those sounds of silence moments...good friends who've spent a good time together and can now just sit in each others' company with only a few words spoken here and there.

above photos...me under the waterfall, group shot in front of the waterfall, us in front of the fan ice building (minus ben) and our hotel courtyard

triumphal entry

2010-04-23T09:28:00.002-05:00

my last post was asking you to pray for marius (and mom chantal)
marius had a rocky week. he went back to surgery the same night as his lip repair and received a trach b/c he was still having trouble with his lungs being clamped down made worse by getting blood clots in his breathing tube. by day one post-op, we had him off the breathing machine but then we had to wait on his little stressed body to recover in order to get the trach out. first attempt...failed miserably. second attempt a couple days later...ok but not great and we ended up putting it back in 12 hours later. third attempt...he did it!

today, we removed his central line and the tracheal flap suture and moved him from the ICU to the ward. mom chantal carried him down the hallway from ICU to A-ward and the moment we stepped out of ICU, a praise song spilled from her lips. she walked the entire way singing praise and then into A-ward where she knelt by his bed and lifted him up praising God in song and then prayer. (a translator told me she was praising God...this was one thing i didn't need interpretation of!) it was a beautiful moment and tears of joy were falling. =)

well done my little rockstar and more importantly, thank You Father for Your touch on him.

another day in paradise...well, maybe not so much

2010-04-13T13:37:00.001-05:00

Today started out as a fairly easy shift. One pre-op, one six days out from surgery and one here a day too early for surgery so not even pre-op yet patient. Not a heavy load at all. Down in A-ward, my little rockstar, Marius, was going to surgery to have his bilateral cleft lip repaired. Marius, my rockstar because in his first week of the infant feeding program he never gained less than 100 grams of weight a day. Chantal, his mom, who taught a bunch of nurses how to dance one morning after church. Mid-morning, we got a call into D-ward/ICU that D-11 wasn’t going to be going to surgery today b/c their first case wasn’t doing well…wait a minute, their first case was Marius…what?!?!?

Marius didn’t do well in surgery. He came back to us on the vent and we spent the next 3 hours working on him to get him some sort of stabilized. My shift ended an hour into that 3 hours but there was no leaving Marius. When he finally was a bit better, I went to find Chantal and pray with her and talk with her about what was going on. One of the other nurses said “Natalie, I’m sorry you always seem to get the bad ones.” But really, THIS is (or at least used to be) my normal. I work in a PICU at home and having a child with respiratory distress is more normal than having one without it. It doesn’t mean it is easier for me or that it hurts my heart any less to see a child hurting, but this is my normal. And if my being there means someone else doesn’t have to watch a child hurt, then that is what I accept from my Father’s hand, relying on His strength. (ok, now that just sounds sanctimonious but no idea how to really say what I want)

Anyways, all this to say, please pray for Marius and his mom Chantal…pray for healing of his little body, the lungs fighting so hard for air, pray for peace to cover and fill mom, pray for wisdom and strength for those of us who care for them.

trusting in miracles

2010-04-11T08:25:00.002-05:00

Before I ever got to work on Tuesday night, I knew I was in for a busy night. I had been called down earlier to help get Obre settled on CPAP (a way that we can provide a bit of pressure and oxygen to the lungs). Obre has a bilateral cleft lip and palate and earlier had aspirated (inhaled) some formula into his lungs and now had an aspiration pneumonia. So, I came to work knowing I would have him and that his very underweight body (he's 4 months old and weighs 3 kg or 6 1/2 lbs) would not help his healing from the pneumonia. I was prepared for busyness. I had no idea, though, what the night really had in store for me, for him.

I got report from the evening shift nurse and started off with my regular work. Safety equipment at bedside, check. Code sheet at bedside, no. Complete code sheet, check. Now on to Obre...full assessment, check. Even with the CPAP, Obre's body was still working fairly hard. The muscles around his ribcage were pulling in harder in order to try and help his breathing, his oxygen level was in the 90's but on 60% oxygen and he was requiring help in the form of CPAP. At 11pm, Obre's oxygen levels started falling and I was having to move his jaw forward every couple of minutes to keep his oxygen up. Then I tried going up on his oxygen thru the CPAP. Everything worked for a few seconds and then he would start drifting down on his sats again. So, let's adjust his mask. At this point, Jenny, the other ICU nurse starts helping and ends up stuck for the next while with me. After 20 minutes of adjustments here and there and Obre just not settling, we call down the anesthetist Fotius. More adjustments, more work, no improvement after 20 more minutes. At home, at this point, we would have intubated (put in a breathing tube and placed on a ventilator), no questions. But, with our limited resources and his very malnourished body, this was not a decision without risk to him. So, we called Dr. Gary, the surgeon to see what he thought. And thus ensued another 40 minutes of working with Obre's body working harder and harder. His retractions were now severe, his oxygen level averaging between 60-80, his heart rate in the 200's, his breathing rate in the 80s.

At 1220am, we decided to intubate. As Jenny and I drew up medications and gathered supplies, it got quiet over by the bed...we looked over to see Dr. Gary and Fotius were praying. Jenny and I came up as the prayer was finishing and Fotius moved the CPAP mask off to just beside Obre's face. And, his oxygen level went up and his heart rate came down and his breathing rate came down and his retractions came back to mild. And we just watched for a minute and Obre didn't need intubation...in fact, we didn't even put him back on CPAP, we put him on just a simple face mask (oxygen without pressure). This is 5 minutes after the decision to intubate! We are doing less than we were before! I couldn't, at that point, call it what it was but as the night progressed and I just watched my baby in awe move closer towards normal vitals signs and his work of breathing settle even more, my mind whispered (a bit in disbelief) while my heart shouted in praise....MIRACLE! Jenny and I kept saying we can't believe it. At one point, Obre's vital signs actually dropped into the normal range and I started hovering even more (all PALS trained nurses know a pediatric body at stress can go for a while but vital signs dropping may actually by an ominous sign). But no, Obre was just getting more and more settled.

The night ended with me giving report and Jenny and I continuing to say we couldn't believe it but now quite willing to call it what it was...a miracle.

I went home and was walking thru the night again in my head. When I thought about getting concerned when his vital signs dropped to normal, it was if the Holy Spirit nudged me and said, "you didn't trust Me to finish the miracle." And it is true, I didn't trust despite what I had seen. Dr. Gary and I talked about a bit the next night and he said if that was the case, "he didn't fully trust it either because he wasn't sure we hadn't done it later without calling him down again." He also talked about feeling the peace settle as they prayed.

This night, what I saw, it was nothing less than miraculous, amazing. I am thankful the Father healed Obre. I am even more thankful that He let me see it. It was beautiful.

party time!

2010-03-18T07:58:00.001-05:00

a note from the orphanage director...

"the grand father is already organising a party for their return because he is so happy. When François was born he was considered as a wizard by the whole village, he said." now he is whole and can go home!

a brightly wrapped package with a bow on top...or why i'm here.

2010-03-15T05:00:00.004-05:00

I met Francois and his mama Pierrette on the dock of Togo the day we arrived in port…well, really I met him via email on the Monday before we arrived in Togo. I received an email that had been a series of emails about a little boy named Francois who had a cleft lip and palate and wasn’t doing well. Could I possibly see him as soon as we arrived? Of course! While everyone else was busy watching us come into port, I was busy unpacking boxes in the wards trying to find everything I might need…baby scale, infant formula, rice cereal, medicine cups, sterile water bottle, tape measure, stethoscope (haven’t used that in about 3 months, now, where did I put it?!?!), etc. I was ready to meet Francois. He and his mama and grandma arrived on the dock about 3 hours after we did with a nurse from a Benin orphanage. Mama looked overwhelmed by the amount of people who wanted to cuddle her broken baby. Grandma looked on fiercely protective.
We drove over to the team house where I weighed and measured Francois and took a history on him. Most babies with clefts are “throw-away” babies here b/c they are considered to be cursed. His mama had put him in an orphanage rather than throw him away but he wasn’t “her” baby. Most babies with clefts also nurse very badly and end up quite malnourished. And Francois was quite underweight. I called him my little chicken baby—nothing but skin and bones. When I did the math to see how much he needed to eat to catch up to where he should be, my numbers were so high I thought I had done the math wrong! So, that day I began teaching and sharing the love of Christ with mama and Francois. I taught her how to make clean water and mix formula. I taught her that cleft lips/palates happen all over the world even where people don’t practice cursing to encourage her that it wasn’t her fault and her baby wasn’t cursed. I gave them formula. I cuddled with him. I prayed with them. Every three to four days I would visit the three Beninois family members staying in a house full of yovo’s. His weight loss at first was a sign to change the formula. And three days later, his weight gain was a victory—for him, for mom, for grandma, even for me. Pierrette (mama) rarely interacted but watched everything with large eyes seeing more than I will know.
Every time I saw Francois after that, he had gained weight. Victory! He began to have a little pudge to his cheeks. And sooner than I thought possible, I was able to send him to our surgeon to be screened and he was put on the surgery schedule. Because of the Togolese elections, we admitted Francois to the hospital about a week before his surgery. Everyone who came in commented on his fat cheeks. (fat is a compliment here). And mama was watching and starting to snuggle with Francois and smiling at the gestures that indicated he was fat. We told her she was not to allow him out of her sight (although the norm in the West, not so much here and we wanted her to have every opportunity to bond with her baby). The day the nurses came to weigh him and tried to walk away, she said no and chased after them. Normal mother behavior—victory!!!!
His surgery date came around quickly and I headed down to the wards to check on Pierrette. She was anxious and so we chatted about everything and nothing. I went to the Recovery Room to see if he was there yet and I heard a baby cry and my heart leapt into my throat…he’s out! I went back to get Pierrette and walk her down to see her baby now made whole. Her face when she saw him…like she just couldn’t believe it….her lips quivering and her eyes bright with unshed tears and she lifted her arms in a gesture of praise. His surgeon, Dr. Gary, was sitting on the stretcher across from her along with our charge nurse, Ali (read her stories here…addictive), both looking on with joy. And I thought, if I could package this moment, this is why I’m here. This moment.
Mama Pierrette put the bow on the package for me today. I was down in the wards with Francois tucked into my arms and talking to mom about going home soon. “Francois is too small for his palate surgery right now. We will send you home to Benin until later on. Have you thought about going home? Will you want to have Francois back at the orphanage or will you take him home with you?” And Pierrette ducked her head shyly and with a faint smile whispered, “I want to take him home.” Victory!!!!!! That is the bow on top of the package.
The pictures above are Francois at his first visit, Francois right before discharge and mama Pierrette and Francois
ps. in a little over 3 weeks, he went from 2.4 kg (5.3 lbs) to 3.8 kg (8.3 lbs) =)

call me ishmael...

2010-03-10T12:22:00.002-06:00

i almost didn't publish this post. THEN, i managed to post it with only a title. but now, i will try to share the words of my heart.

call me ishmael...seriously, call me ishmael. the name is of Biblical origin and it means "God hears". it is the name God gives to hagar to name her son after they have been cast away. and she worships God and calls Him the "God who sees me" or "El Roi". two attributes of God in a very short passage. two names that i am clinging to right now.

this last year has been one of the roughest years of my life...being far from home and yet at home on a ship in west africa. separated from family and friends and yet surrounded by family and friends. all at the same time. and the many phone calls that would spark a fist of dread in my heart...is this the phone call about mom? the up and down roller-coaster ride of this last year as her health failed. saying goodbyes to so many people who "invaded" my life and heart. or at least "until next time". but knowing i was blessed to have so many invaders that deeply touched me. and the work that tears at my heart daily even though there is a joy as well.

so, what does that have to do with ishmael? well, in all this, though i KNOW that my Father in Heaven has not walked away or stopped listening to me, He has chosen to be silent towards me right now. and so my prayers feel like they maybe reach the ceiling (or deck-head) and He doesn't speak to me and His arms feel intangible. and so i cling to the name of God as the "God who sees" and hope that i am ishmael "God hears". i am thankful for the amazing people He puts in my life to be His ears and arms when He seems silent.

there is so much joy as well in the day-to-day (francois' story coming soon). but i wanted to share a bit of the struggle as well.

first days in togo

2010-02-24T19:34:00.004-06:00

i'm going to work backwards from tonight to our arrival 2 weeks ago in togo.

tonight...it is the first night the wards are open in the hospital. and i am here, in the middle of the night, listening to the generator hum which is just a bit louder here than in my cabin. listening to the patients sleeping just a few feet away. talking with my fellow nurse and day volunteer who both have english as second or third languages. trying to fill the hours of a long night with very little nursing...it is good to be back. a friend asked me on tuesday if i was ready for the busy-ness that would begin today and not end for the next 6 months...he asked a bit sarcastically. i replied yes, without a doubt. although i have enjoyed the break from the work, this is what God has given me and called me to. i have missed snuggling with my little brown children and babies and having chats with moms through translators and seeing joy dawning on faces which previously bore marks of shame, distrust and fear. so, yes, i am ready!

friday night we hosted a hospital open house for the rest of the crew who work elsewhere on the ship and may not have a clue about life/work in the hospital. crew members could learn to stitch or start IV's (not on real people!) or "operate" on a stuffed monkey or play nurse for a shift and have to complete nursing duties on recalcitrant patients (played by nurses of course! nice to be on the giving end sometimes ;-)hehe). it was a fun night. jens, our carpenter, is almost ready to be a pediatric nurse as he wrestled his "patient" into submission and gave her pills and took her temperature!

thursday night we held a medical reception involving the medical community of togo from the ministry of health to local surgeons, doctors, nurses, hospital directors, and more. it was a nice evening and allowed us to start developing relationships with those who we will work with as well as leaving the work in their hands as we sail away in august.

arrival wednesday until thursday saw the nurses busy unpacking, cleaning and setting up the wards. it is a lot of work to pack up, it is just as much to unpack. and we have a handful of "old" nurses who know where things go and a lot of new nurses who are trying to figure out what we meant when we said this goes in "a" ward or take that to the pilot's entrance. what?!?!? but we had fun with the work as always when you get a bunch of nurses together. crazy hats, dance parties to liven up the work, prayer, seeing how many nurses fit in a small space. and all of it being filmed by a canadian film crew who are filming what goes on in this ship of ours for an episode of "mighty ships" on discovery channel of canada. yep, i'm gonna be famous!?!??! well, not really but i may be on tv. =)

and the day of arrival. we arrived in togo to the sight of part of our land based team coming out on the tug boat that was to assist us into our berth. and as we neared the dock which will be our home these next many months, a band was playing and people were shouting and waving. the band and group of people walked down the dock, pacing us as we moved into our berth. at our berth was another band playing traditional african music to welcome us in. the gangway was let down quickly and a welcoming ceremony was held. it was hot. but it is good to be back.

february 2010 newsletter

2010-02-14T15:48:00.000-06:00

February 2010

Dear Family and Friends,

I hope this letter/email finds each of you well. I was appalled to realize that my last newsletter has been so long ago. I apologize that I have not been better about letting each of you know how things are going here. (an upfront disclaimer…the photos on here today are from fellow crew members—the dolphins and patient photos are from ali and the sunset on the ocean from ryan)

These last few months have been a time of goodbyes, a time of rest, a time of refreshment, a time of sorrow, a time of joy, and now, it is a time of work. The outreach to Benin finished in late November 2009 and that began my time of goodbyes. Goodbye to Benin, goodbye to the friends who left as the outreach came to a close, goodbye to patients and day volunteers who had touched my life. Although there was sadness in the goodbyes, there was also joy at so many who had touched my life over the last many months. The ship sailed in early December to Tenerife, Canary Islands, Spain where we would dock for 2 months to complete maintenance and enjoy the holidays.

I was able to go home a few days after arriving to Tenerife in order to spend time with family and friends. Despite some struggles getting home due to weather, I did make it home (4 days late). I made it back to Texas just in time to say another goodbye. Goodbye to my mother who went Home to Jesus on the 26th of December. It was bittersweet—knowing she wasn’t hurting anymore, knowing she was gone. We (my brother, sister-in-law and myself) were able to clearly see and feel God’s hand upon us during this time of sorrow—to feel His peace and comfort in His own touch as well as those of family and friends.

In spite of the sorrow, the time at home was also a time of refreshment and rest. I was able to visit with many friends and family, to share some of the work God has allowed me to be part of with my home church, and to just rest. It was a time of joy for me.

And now, it is a time of work. I returned to the ship in late January shortly before we sailed to Togo. The work was fairly light upon returning and during sailing, but we hit the ground running here in Togo. In addition to being a ward nurse, I have added a couple of titles to my work here on the ship. I am now the Pediatric Coordinator as well as the Infant Feeding Program Coordinator. There was an infant waiting on the dock for me when we arrived to the ship so I was one of the few who were cleared by immigration to go down on the dock immediately. But, as we are back in Africa, my infant didn’t show up for several more hours. After arriving to Togo, the nurses immediately began cleaning the hospital and preparing for the patients. So I joined in for a few hours until it was time to go visit my baby and get him into the Infant Feeding Program. We continue to clean and set up the hospital and I will continue to check on my baby every couple of days until the hospital opens for patients on the 24th with first surgeries set for the 25th. It is good to be back at work.

This work is just as much yours as it is mine and it is all for His glory. I could not be here serving if it weren’t for my gracious financial and prayer supporters. I pray that this work will bless you as well. You are part of each patient’s story. I am only the hands. Thank you, for myself and those who cannot say thank you.

an ode to milk

2010-01-19T11:17:00.002-06:00

milk
you are so creamy and white
although some add strawberry or chocolate
you froth and foam when heated
whole you are so full of taste
but you are healthy at 1-2%
and like water when skim
in all your forms so tasty
milk, please keep me from the evils of uht
alas, i must go and leave milk behind
and return to the place of milch
i will miss you milk

=)

Mom

2010-01-05T17:22:00.001-06:00

i'm going to borrow a line out of one of my fave books..."the place she stood in my heart is now empty."

Carolyn E. Barnes was born in Lubbock, Texas on 9 January 1950. She went home to be with Jesus on 26 December 2009. I got to the hospital just in time to say goodbye. My mom was one of the most amazing people I know. Sure, she did things that as a child embarrassed me and as an adult just made me shake my head and she had that famous Whitten temper, but she was amazing. She had such a servant's heart...always looking to make sure people were comfortable and had what they needed even at cost to her own comfort and needs. She had a beautiful smile. She enjoyed music...singing, playing the piano, even writing her own music (although what became of it I don't know). She was very creative in general...painting, quilting, sewing, writing. She was my biggest cheerleader...she always encouraged me to reach for the stars and applauded me when I reached them and comforted me when I didn't. She loved her family and friends so much...they were her joy (and heartbreak) until her last breath. Her grandkids could bring a smile no matter how much pain she was in.

She was one of the bravest and strongest people I know. Her heart condition caused her so much pain and yet she fought to live every moment to the fullest.

She loved Jesus. He was definitely her all in all. She walked in His strength and wisdom and spent hours with Him in prayer, not just for herself to know Him more but petitioning Him for the needs and wants of her family and friends. She wanted everyone to know Him (and this desire made it a little easier to let her "baby" go off to the wilds of Africa so that He might be known).

I was very blessed to call her Mom. I never doubted that I was loved growing up. And as I grew to adulthood, she became my friend. She will be missed.

thank you for all your prayers for my mom in her illness and my family in this time of saying goodbye.

basically, dolphins everywhere

2009-12-17T03:42:00.003-06:00

so, we're still sailing. but yesterday started and ended and was filled in the middle with dolphins. at one point, the c/o (big polish guy) came on the overhead announcement and said the above "basically, dolphins everywhere". the nurses have been having morning devotional time out on the bow and the day started with a pod of dolphins racing the ship just off the bow. throughout the day we got many overheads to say dolphins here or there. and just before i headed to bed, i sat out on the catwalk off the bridge in the dark and got to see dolphins racing alongside the bow again. however, in the dark they showed up just as a streak as the phosphorescent algae churned up around them. good day really. =)
the photos are from the nurses' devo times and are taken by ali.

rest and wonder

2009-12-14T05:23:00.002-06:00

we are sailing! and for me that means a lot of rest. there are no more patients to care for and no more quick trips into town and the fact that sleeping keeps the urge to vomit at bay ;-). (unfortunately the first 4 days of sailing meant some seasickness for me as well). this time of rest is needed. after giving and giving and giving of ourselves for the last 10 months, it is nice to have this time with lots of nothing to do to just soak in the sun and feel the winds off the ocean and just rest.

yesterday was a day of "rest" of a different sort. i didn't get much physical rest (in fact, i'm running off 2 hours of sleep right now) but it was a rest of the mind and spirit. i spent hours outside, first having a time with the Father, lunch, watching an awe-inspiring sunset, and finally, sitting on the catwalk around the bridge watching the night sky. not just any night sky, though. it was a sky filled with more stars than you can see in any city, even than i've seen when camping out. and set off by the vastness of the ocean surrounding us. to make it even better, last night there was a meteor shower. in the day, the ocean touched by the sun is such a magnificent blue, in the night, there is so much darkness except where the ship churns up the phosphorescent algae and sparkles light the waves that crash under the bow.

and all this brings me to the wonder i found here in the sail and in the time of rest and reflection on all that we've experienced these last 10 months. all that beauty that i get to enjoy here on the sail...God didn't have to create it. He could have just painted the sky blue and the ocean greenish blue and left it at that. but no, He made a million shades of blue and for fun added in the sunset which washes the sky in pinks and purples and kisses it with gold. He could have created the stars although we wouldn't really have known if He didn't...but to add in the meteor showers! phosphorescent algae...who would have known if not for the ark and the need to learn to sail the oceans? but He knew and created it for His enjoyment. more wonder still...He created us with the ability to enjoy it just as He does! He didn't have to. but He did. and as to what i've experienced these last 10 months, He didn't need me to be part of it. but He invited me to join in. how amazing is He! how wonderful!

buying a cow

2009-12-05T19:48:00.002-06:00

i could start off with yet another apology about not keeping the blog up very well. but, instead, i will just say that right now my heart is too full and too broken and my spirit is too tired to really be able to coherently share.

my cabin mate tayler was a bit startled a few weeks ago when i asked her to ask her friend tim how much a cow would cost here in benin. what?!?!? you want to buy a cow?!?!? this led me to sharing with her wasti's story.

wasti and his mama showed up on the dock a few days before the end of surgery. wasti had a cleft lip but along with his cleft he didn't look quite right. he also had not really put on much weight since his previous visit but it was just enough that he was okay for surgery from a weight point of view. what about his not looking quite right???? well, his labwork was quite skewed and so he received a CT scan which showed holoproencephalopathy...but just a mild version. so, we told mom the risks of surgery for him. she almost said no but she had fought so hard for his life to now that she didn't give up and said yes. we were prepared for the worst...even to the point of having to make a decision to withdraw support if he ended up on a breathing machine post-op. and yet, he came through the surgery great! and on the very next day after surgery, wasti had on dark charcoal eyeliner below his eyes. this seems a bit strange from a western view but it was a huge deal. mom was claiming him...claiming him as hers and showing her continued fight for his life. it was something to rejoice over.

the next few days were quite time intensive for me. i had him when i was at work but even came in when i wasn't on shift to work with mom. mom, who spoke a dialect none of our translators spoke directly, except one. mom, who had to learn to feed her baby with formula milk since her milk was dried up...how to prepare clean water and then to prepare the milk. mom, who had to learn to feed her baby on schedule rather than demand which is counter-cultural but necessary for wasti to survive. mom, who had to learn to tell time before she could learn to feed on schedule. and all of this from me to bio (our translator) to wasti's mom and then back to make sure she really understood it.

so, why did i want to know about buying a cow? well, wasti's mom shared her story with us as the days progressed. her baby was whole (at least on the outside now) so she was able to return to her village that had shunned her when her "cursed" baby was born. she was sure she could go back home but wasn't sure her husband would provide for her and the baby now. he had given each of his wives a cow and some land but, she had sold everything to care for her broken babies. (wasti's older sister had needed help with her eyes). so, how much to buy a cow to give her a chance at life, to give wasti a chance at life? 150 CFA which is around 300 US dollars. we took up a collection hoping we could do this for her. we had to tell people to stop giving! as i was doing some teaching about her going home and we gave a very small amount of money to her to get her from the port city to her village on the bus, she said no, it is too much, you have already done too much for me. (little did she know). later in the evening, several of us took her into a room away from others to give her the cow money. we showed a picture of a cow and she named it in her dialect. then we showed her the money and pointed to the cow and then to her. she was stunned and almost unwilling to hope even with the money there before her. but finally she accepted and began praising God (that surely came through despite the language barrier). and so, she went home with a baby that will be accepted and a chance at having a life.

and God let us be part of that! what an amazing and humbling experience to be part of what He is doing!

happy thanksgiving, presendential dinner, etc

2009-11-27T10:18:00.003-06:00

so, yesterday was thanksgiving day in america. not something you would think we would celebrate here on a multi-national ship in west africa. but you would be wrong. (we do attempt to celebrate many of the different cultures' holidays on the ship)
our cooks outdid themselves with limited items at their disposal. we had roast turkey with gravy, yams (they weren't yellow like at home but then oranges are green here), mashed potatoes (not real but pretty darn good anyways), wax bean casserole (decent substitution for green beans), stuffing, cranberry sauce (made with craisins and i'm not sure what else...pleasantly good) and pumpkin pie with cream for dessert. it was yummmy. i really had to work at finishing my plate but my mouth was soooo happy. =)

presendential dinner...a few weeks ago, the president of benin hosted a state dinner for the crew of the africa mercy. our founders and one of our surgeons received honors such as the equivalent of knighthood during the dinner. we all got dressed in our finest clothing and were ferried over on buses to the presedential palace, ushered in by armed guards through metal detectors, and then enjoyed a nice african dinner with the president. most of the talking was in french so i didn't understand a lot of it. my table was a fun group of people which was nice as i couldn't really see anything being at the far end of the room from the president and honorees. he had some dancers out to tell stories of benin in their native dress and dance styles which was a lot of fun to watch. and then, it was back home to the ship and to the real world of the day to day of finishing up surgeries and getting ready to sail.

etc...the last surgery was a week ago today and today the hospital closed. we said our farewells to the few remaining patients and to our many wonderful day volunteers (translators, housekeepers, deck and engineering assistants, etc) and although it was a time of rejoicing at the work that has been done this year, it was also a time of sadness and we say goodbye to people who have been part of our lives and hearts for the last 10 months. next week we will be finishing cleaning and packing up the hospital and soon we sail on to tenerife for the holiday season.

i'm sorry i haven't been good at posting lately. i'm tired and having a hard time knowing how to share the day to day of here with home. (though that is an excuse and not really a good one). i hope each of you reading this are doing well and i hope to get a chance to see you while i am home for a month in late december.

bless my enemies

2009-11-21T05:04:00.003-06:00

this was sent to my by one of my aunts several years ago and i liked it so much that i put it in a journal that is a collection of prayers and poems and quotes that i like. i was going thru it today and came across it and thought i would share it with you. i don't fully agree with every word but the heart behind it i do. i also don't think it originated with her but am unsure as to where it started.

Bless my enemies, O Lord, even as I bless them and do not curse them. Enemies have driven me into Thy embrace more than friends have. Friends have bound me to earth, enemies have loosed me from earth and have demolished all my aspirations in the world. Enemies have made me a stranger in worldly realms and an extraneous inhabitant of the world. Just as a hunted animal finds safer shelter than an unhunted animal does, so have I, persecuted by enemies, found the safest sanctuary, having ensconced myself beneath Thy tabernacle, where neither friends nor enemies can slay my soul.
Bless my enemies, O Lord, even as I bless them and do not curse them. They, rather than I have, confessed my sins to the world. They have punished me, whenever I have hesitated to punish myself. They have tormented me, whenever I have tried to flee torment. They have scolded me, whenever I have flattered myself. They have spat upon me, whenever I have filled myself with arrogance.
Bless my enemies, Lord, even as I bless them and do not curse them. Whenever I have made myself wise, they have called me foolish. Whenever I have made myself mighty, they have mocked me as though I were a dwarf. Whenever I have wanted to lead people, they have shoved me into the background. Whenever I have rushed to enrich myself, they have prevented me with an iron hand. Whenever I thought that I would sleep peacefully, they have wakened me from sleep. Whenever I have tried to build a home for a long and tranquil life, they have demolished it and driven me out. Truly, enemies have cut me loose from the world and have stretched out my hands to the hem of Thy garment.
Bless my enemies, O Lord, even as I bless them and do not curse them. Bless them and multiply them, multiply them and make them even more bitterly against me: so that my fleeing to Thee may have no return, so that all hope in men may be scattered like cobwebs, so that absolute serenity may begin to reign in my soul, so that my heart may become the grave of my two evil twins—arrogance and anger, so that I might amass all my treasures in heaven, ah, so that I may for once be freed from self deception which has entangled me in the dreadful web of illusory life. Enemies have taught me to know what hardly anyone knows, that a person has no enemies in the world escept himself. One hates hi enemies only when he fails to realze that they are not enemies, but cruel friends. It is truly difficult for me to say who has done me more good and who has done me more evil in the world: friends or enemies. Therefore bless, o Lord, both my friends and my enemies. A slave curses enemies, for he does not understand. But a son blesses them, for he understands. For a son knows that his enemies cannot touch his life. Therefore he freely steps among them and prays to God for them.
Bless my enemies, O Lord, even as I bless them and do not curse them.

if you made it to the end, you must surely be a family member or friend, please know that i love you and am so thankful for you also.

here or there

2009-11-07T08:28:00.002-06:00

today i sat down in the midships lounge with a handful of popcorn, a dr. pepper, my laptop and a list of emails i need to write. and i find myself struggling to find words to share with people who though not far from my heart are far from my day-to-day. i have been finding it easier and easier NOT to email or to only email people who have some idea what this crazy life on the ship is. i feel that i cannot adequately tell people what this life is and that if they don't understand, then why would they care about the things i try to explain about my life...and sometimes that the things here require so much setup to share that it gets lost in the telling. but then, my heart is torn...b/c i want to share my life with people at home b/c they reside in my heart despite the miles. so, today, i have managed to email 5 people, three on my list, a mix of home and people who are home but have been here. and i haven't even really tackled my list. the three i emailed on the list had emails in my inbox needing responses. easier to start there.
why am i rambling about this??? just to tell you (whoever you are that read this) if you are from "home", you are in my heart even when i can't seem to email. and i'm sorry.

"I never..."

2009-10-20T09:04:00.003-05:00

we were playing a game called "I never" the other night. if you've never heard of "i never" here's the gist...the person in the middle is without a chair and has to come up with something that he/she has never done that other people in the circle may have done. for instance "i have never broken a bone before" and everyone that has then gets up and has to move to a new chair and hopefully the person in the middle makes it into a chair and then someone new has to come up with something "i never."

well, until the other night when we were playing this game, i could say "i have never broken a bone before". now, i can't say that. b/c i broke my toe while we were playing when someone running one way stepped on my foot as i was running the other direction...pressure + friction = pain and a broken toe. isn't it pretty?

called...

2009-09-29T16:07:00.002-05:00

Acts 1:8 "but you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and all Judea and Samaria and to the ends of the earth."

we are all called...called to witness, called to service. it is easier sometimes to say that this person or that person is called to do God's work but this verse leaves no excuses. God doesn't give us a choice if we are His. we WILL be, not should be or could be, but WILL be His witnesses. it is up to us what kind of witness we will be. and we all have a jerusalem, judea/samaria and ends of the earth. for me, my jerusalem right now is here on the ship. my judea/samaria is west africa. and my ends of the earth, surprisingly, is home. the prayers and letters and thoughts and emails i think/send towards home. but those who are "home" have their jerusalem in their city and so on until their ends of the earth reach all the way to me and those i interact with daily. and that each of us should have some time of witness that is close and far reaching. whether it is in praying for those in the "ends of the earth" or just living Jesus in front of your neighbor. we each are called to be a witness to our jerusalem/judea/samaria/ends of the earth.

this was a life focus changing verse for me. to realize that i didn't have to be called to be His witness (although for now, i do feel called to what once was my ends of the earth) but that it is my work to be His witness wherever i am.

just a thought to share.

salsa dancing in west africa

2009-09-27T07:17:00.003-05:00

this weekend was a ship holiday weekend meaning all non-essential activities got the day off--the academy, the OR, non-duty deck and engineering. a nice break to just enjoy the country or some down time on ship. some times on ship, it can seem as if you are drowning in time...way too much time available for not that many activities. life is not necessarily less busy than at home, you just take out the commute to wherever it is that you go to do the things you do. so, with a lot more free time, you've got to be pretty creative at amusing yourselves...card games, sock golf championships, 80's dance party on deck 8, scavenger hunts, going out on the town, movies in the international lounge, etc.

so, friday evening was another one of those how to fill the time and please let it be something different than every day stuff. so we went dancing. and now, i have been dancing on three different continents...swing/salsa/country at home, a celeidh in scotland and now, salsa dancing in west africa. it was a blast. 8 of us went from the ship (6 girls, 2 guys) and the first hour or so was lessons of basic salsa and the cha-cha. the africans who were there dancing with us had moves! and, being that the guy-girl ratio was bad, i did end up having to break my rule about only dancing with people i know. saturday was spent at one of the hotels at the pool where i developed a nose red enough to help santa at Christmas or direct shipping traffic and a nice red circle on my back that just matches the cut out circle on my swimsuit. but the day was lovely and relaxing.

the stories you don't hear

2009-09-18T04:40:00.002-05:00

for all the stories that get told on my blog and the other mercy shippers' blogs, there are so many stories that you don't hear. some are stories of heartache. some are stories of rejoicing at healing after surgery. but the one i want to share today is yet a different kind.

i don't know the names of the people in these stories. in fact, i may or may not have met the people in these stories at screening day. and i have heard their story second hand this time. the people in these stories are the ones that didn't show up for surgery. we saw them in mid-february at screening and scheduled them for surgery. and their surgery date came and went and they didn't show. when they were contacted later to see why, "i didn't need to come any more. the (lump, bump, etc) was gone." wow! although i think there are only 2 stories i've heard so far that this is the case, it is awe-inspiring and humbling. awe-inspiring b/c the Father still is the Great Physician and humbling b/c He doesn't need us but He graciously allows us to be part of His work.

i can only imagine...

2009-09-06T08:40:00.002-05:00

this morning i went to "beach church". now, i expected to have church on the beach but i didn't really know what to expect. i thought it would be an african gathering on the beach. instead, it was an intimate group of fellow shipmates. we sang along with worship songs off of paul's ipod and then paul shared a bit about what God had been teaching him and then we just talked about what he shared and things in our own hearts. after the "service" we wandered a bit around the beach (a few went swimming). the water was cool, the day overcast and a during part of the time, there was a gentle rain falling. hmmmm, happy, happy, walking on the beach in the rain =)

one of our songs we sang along to was mercy me's "i can only imagine". while we were singing the chorus, i did try to imagine that time of Homecoming. "surrounded by Your Glory, what will my heart feel? will i dance for You Jesus or in awe of You be still? will i stand in Your Presence or to my knees will i fall? will i sing hallelujah? will i be able to speak at all?" the Father gave me a small glimpse i think.

i get stuck on worship looking like singing sometimes even though i know it is supposed to be my whole life as worship. (it doesn't help that we call singing worship and that some of the worship pictured in Revelation is elders singing 'Holy, Holy, Holy' around the throne). i have heard people say that if this is what Heaven looks like, it sounds unspeakably dull. but my glimpse this morning was of life! not life as we understand it in the here and now...this world is but a shadow of the one to come (Heb 9) and while some things will be different like no marriage (Mt 22) some seem the same living in mansions on streets of gold (Jn 14, Rev 21). but since everything will be made new, made perfect, so, too, will worship be perfect and not the shadow and copy that we do here. it won't just look like praising in song but it will truly be LIFE as worship. like we should strive for in the here and now.

perhaps others of you see this as a "duh" post but for me, it was a new glimpse and understanding of my Father.

when push comes to shove

2009-09-04T08:27:00.003-05:00

when push comes to shove, when i'm caught between a rock and hard place, when the other shoe drops, when the cloud has no silver lining...can i trust God? can i trust in His goodness in the "dead of night"?...and the answer is yes, but sometimes just barely. i know my last post talked about contentment in brokenness...and i am. but there are days when it there is so much piled on that it is hard to breathe. how to trust God then? and it is in the dark times that the lessons learned in the light have to be lived and held on to even when my own strength falters.

today is a day like that. my sister-in-law's (holly) sister-in-law (erin) almost died after childbirth last night. my nephew had his first visit to the ER this week. holly's dad (keegan) is in remote mexico while his family hurts and needs him to be home. and a few other dropped shoes this week that i heard about with an early morning (in texas) phone call. and all this hurts me, so far away. i can't change anything but proximity in being home but i feel torn in times like this. knowing i'm supposed to be here and mostly wanting to be here. but also desperately wanting to be there. and i have to hold on to the lessons God taught me before both in the valley and on the mountain top. but i won't lie, today it is hard. i ask for your prayers for my family (erin and bryce and baby kyah, holly and greg and the kids, bethany, keegan and terry, me) that He would comfort and heal and give strength.

but i also want to praise Him even in the darkness...to praise Him that He even thinks of us at all with thoughts of mercy and love and not just righteous vengeance which is really all we're due from His hand. to thank Him for the gift of laughter yesterday...my day that was filled with so much laughter my head hurt a bit this morning. for the delighted screams of the little girl down in the ward who sports the biggest grin. for the smile of joshua where the dimples become more pronounced when he gets that shy grin he gets sometimes. for friends who pray. for friends who will laugh with me but also for the ones who will smile with me. for the color blue. and even for the color diabetic urine yellow =) for the smell (but not the taste) of coffee. for ocean waves crashing on the shore. for a bird in flight seemingly suspended in air by absolutely nothing. and so much more. God IS good.

broken, poured out, content

2009-08-26T09:32:00.003-05:00

an alabaster jar. unbroken, it is a pretty bit of pottery. nice enough to look at. but the true purpose of this jar is not decorative, it is filled with a beautiful scent. but the fragrance can only be released when the jar is broken and the perfume inside is spilled out, poured out. then the true beauty is revealed, the purpose is complete. it is the same with a drink offering that is spoken of in the Old Testament and again by paul in Philippians 2. the drink offering is poured over a burnt offering, spilled out.

so, what does that have to do with me or this life or anything really? i personally am incapable of being a nurse and not engaging my heart with my patients and often their families. and often it leaves me with a level of brokenness. i am reminded of this after watching another family lose a child. after my own heartrending goodbye. i have a hard job...no one should have to watch a parent lose a child. but that is what God has given to me to do. and it hurts. i imagine if the alabaster jar could feel it would not want to be broken, it would hurt just as i do. but i choose the hurt, the breaking by the Father's hands so that i fulfill what He has given me to do and my beauty is revealed. i choose being poured out for His glory.

and it reminds me of the lyrics of shane and shane's song "i want it all"
use me, break me, waste me on You, Lord
ruin me, take me, waste me on You
for to die is to live...

paul said in his letter to the philippians that he had "learned the secret of being content in any and every situation..." i wish i could really say that i am content in every situation. but i have learned contentment in brokenness.

a little less conversation...part 2

2009-08-25T07:52:00.001-05:00

this is more for the medical people who read my blog but if you aren't medical and you read this, please don't take offense at "medical humor".

Imagine the tune of Elvis Presley's song "A little less conversation)

A little less fluid a little more ventilation please.
This VQ mismatch is making it hard to breathe.
A little more PEEP and a little less work,
A little less deep a little more support.
Give me drugs and intubate and please ventilate me,
Ventilate me.

A little less fluid a little more ventilation please.
I'm overhydrated and getting puffy.
A little more out and a little less in,
The balance line is very thin.
Catheterize, some furosemide and don't overhydrate me.

Come on, yeah, its hard to breathe now.
Help me out, please, I can't wee now.
Come on, come on.
Come on, come on.
Come on, come on.
Don't procrastinate, don't hesitate,
Just ventilate me.

hubert update

2009-08-24T06:46:00.002-05:00

hubert went home to Jesus this morning--it was a gentle, peaceful leaving. my prayers (many others' prayers) for his healing were answered--just not in the way our minds and hearts cry out for. his healing was eternal and not temporal. but he leaves behind a mother who just last week was finally beginning to believe her child could live and allowing her mother's heart to show towards him and now she leaves with empty arms and a broken heart. he leaves behind a father who was often absent during his hospital stay but who made it in time to say goodbye. he leaves behind a big sister who already viewed the world through eyes much older than her 3 years, a sister who didn't really understand all the fuss and bustle around hubert but knew that the lack of it meant something worse. he leaves behind other lives who were touched by him, who rejoiced in his gaining weight and worried over his fevers and loved him.

his leaving touches so many. most of our ward translators and counselors do not have formal training or medical knowledge and yet they are vital to this work. we ask them to speak harsh things to families or patients. we ask them to walk a bit against their own culture to say these things. in western medicine, we constantly inform patients and families of what is going on and teach them it is their right and even "job" to learn about the illness and treatment options and plans etc. here, the harsh truths are spoken to a family member (usually male) and later relayed to the mother in very general terms. in fact, my translator last night asked if i really wanted him to tell the mother directly such a harsh, hurtful truth. she had asked, so i told her as gently as possible, but in her culture the natural "softening" of a male relative was missing last night. one of our other translators asked me what and how i prayed for hubert. she voiced the age old question in different terms of "if God is good, then why?" and the answers looked at thru our eyes are insufficient, not good. and we have to ask that we can hopefully glimpse it thru the Father's eyes and trust that He really is Sovereign and Love and Comfort.

so i ask for you who read this to please continue to pray, no longer for hubert's healing, that is complete, but for those he left behind that they would be comforted.

a little less conversation...

2009-08-22T18:34:00.003-05:00

Hubert, a 9 month old, is almost lost in the adult bed behind me in the ICU. He is so small--both in weight and stature from his malnourishment. The malnourishment came from feeding difficulties due to his cleft lip and palate. And the malnourishment has given him little chance to fight whatever illness (virus or bacteria...we don't know yet) that is currently attacking him. His lungs have suffered and this morning he was placed on the ventilator. His lungs are already stiff and the smallest parts of his lungs want to close and not reopen. This makes it hard to breathe for him. Also, because his body is so sick, his veins are "leaky" and the fluid we give him is apt to go outside the veins and arteries into areas it doesn't belong (like the lungs) which also makes it hard to breathe for him. He is quite ill...even if we had all of "western" medicine at our fingertips, he still faces a huge battle. But GOD is Sovereign and He holds Hubert in His hands. Pray for Hubert's healing. Pray for mom who is watching her child be so ill and big sister Pauline who at 3 years old doesn't really understand what the fuss is. Pray for the medical staff...that His touch may be in our hands, that His wisdom may be in our minds, that His words may be in our mouths as we care for Hubert and his family.

There is a good reason for the title of the post, but it is too frivolous for tonight. Tonight I just ask for prayer.

T.I.A. -- happy one year

2009-08-11T08:58:00.002-05:00

so, i have been in africa for one year as of last saturday. it is hard to believe at times that it has been a year and it is also at times hard to believe that it has only been a year. i have enjoyed my year. i have struggled in my year. i have matured in my year. i have also dissolved into silliness in my year. i have developed friendships that will last a lifetime and worked to maintain friendships with those far away. i have said goodbye to more people than i ever thought possible in one year. and i have uttered the phrase "T.I.A." countless times.

this phrase is from the movie "blood diamond" and dicaprio's character says this at one point. the person he speaks it to is a novice at the ways of africa and needs a bit more explanation. "This Is Africa". it is said to explain the things we see or hear or (even do?) that are different b/c we are in africa and that is the african way. sometimes we say it derisively, sometimes jestingly, sometimes in acceptance but regardless, there are things that you just say "T.I.A." and go on. below are some of those things.

zemijohns: these are motorcycles or at times little more than a dirt bike that are used as taxis here in benin. they are used to carry home your shopping or your tools to work or the entire family...oh, i can see you shaking your heads thinking i am exaggerating...but no. it is true...see the pics above. and you shake your head and say "T.I.A."

window shopping: this has a slightly different look here in africa. at home window shopping means 'i'm just looking'. here, it means look out the window of the landrover for whatever you might need going by your window carefully balanced atop someone's head. here is a short list of the things you might buy from your window or see perched on someone's head for sale: cell phones and chargers, teapot, iron, food, clothing, fabric to make clothing, guitars, clocks, gum and candy. and i know, you are still thinking i am exaggerating but it is true...look at the pics. and you shake your head and say "T.I.A."

there is an interesting double standard here that falls under the umbrella of "T.I.A."-->it is considered offensive for my bra strap to be showing or for the small of my back to be exposed or my knees to be uncovered. BUT, i have seen people wandering around in random states of undress...the fishermen strip to their skin only as the boats come into harbor, rinse off and dress in other clothes. women wander around topless. children may have a shirt on and nothing else. but don't dare show your knees! "T.I.A."

and my final "T.I.A." for the day. yesterday, i was in the market buying fabric for a skirt. one of the ladies sitting in her booth reached over and patted my fat and said (in french or fon) "you are FAT!"--i said thank you and moved on. it is meant as a compliment here. it means i am rich enough to always have food. but my poor western mind cannot see the compliment in it and would instead feel the taunts of children at home except for that helpful little phrase..."This Is Africa!!!!!!!"

swiss chocolate part 2

2009-08-02T08:02:00.002-05:00

last of the "owed" posts! woohoo!

so, on my sunday in my short trip to switzerland, i went down to the lugano area to the lakes. i rode trains and buses through some beautiful areas all surrounded by the swiss alps. the mountains rose up beside the roadway (except when the roadway was in a tunnel cut through the mountain) lush and green as if God had experimented with how many different shades of green He could make. an occasional waterfall surprised as melting snow traveled its way down the mountainsides. the lushness gave way further up the mountains to barren rock and finally to snow capped tops. it was breathtaking. and throughout the journey were small colorful villages tucked into the bases of the mountains. no neighborhood associations that require the rooftops to all have uniform shingles or a bland color palette to choose from when painting the outsides of cookie cutter homes. there was color everywhere...from the primary outside color to the shutters surrounding the windows to the flower boxes overflowing with flowers at the windows to the shingles, each home different than the next. it was so pleasing to my eyes.

as i travelled, the language of the announcements changed from swiss german (or perhaps the announcements where in "high" german) to italian...two of the four official languages in switzerland. i arrived to lugano and found my way down to the lake. there was a beautiful garden wandering alongside one part of the lake and i enjoyed wandering through it. peeking in windows of shops closed because it was sunday! (gasp...what a concept!) and just relaxing. that evening for dinner i enjoyed a pizza and a glass of vino (b/c those things translate quite easily as far as this non-italian speaker is concerned). the pizza was quite yummy, the wine so-so, and the dinner a bit lonely as no one around spoke english. that night there was a terrific thunderstorm with frequent rolls of thunder as lightning flashed all about. and that was my day in lugano.

pictures above are the lake, a sidewalk chess game and one of the flowers in the garden.

swiss chocolate part 1

2009-08-01T09:22:00.003-05:00

ok, my final "owed" post about my time in swizterland. but i'm splitting it into two parts so really i kind of owe one more ;-) hehe

i arrived to zurich on 4 july and stood for a few minutes in the airport waiting for timon's train to arrive (yes, in the airport for a train...it was across the building). while i was standing there i worried if i would recognize him. it had been several months since i had seen him. and i worried about how we would get on (again b/c of the several months since i had seen him). but then he walked up and of course i knew him and i quit worrying b/c i was in swizterland! with timon! we pretty much straight away got back on a train going back the way he just travelled to "pick me up" from the airport. since we were conversing in english (as i don't speak swiss german) we were marked as tourists which was fine for me but i think t. was a bit annoyed by being marked as a tourist in his own country. when in fact, he was just being a good host and not speaking to his visitor in a language she didn't understand. i spent the first half hour on the train just revelling in being with my friend again and then realized here was this beautiful country passing by in the windows and i hadn't even been looking!

timon's town is surrounded on three sides by the swiss alps. and they are breathtaking. i would like to see them some day in the winter when more than the peaks are covered in snow. after we went to his home so i could drop off my stuff and meet his parents (delightful people and obviously the reason timon turned out so well) we met up with t's best friend, phillip, and a friend of phillip's, chris (who is also from texas) and went to a castle that is visible from timon's home. the plan had been to take the cable car to the top of the mountain but the clouds were obscuring the mountain tops. the castle was not a large one and it still had a village attached...inhabitants approximately 15. the boys were quite intrigued by the large collection of guns and swords. (boys will be boys after all). there was even a wedding in the courtyard with people dressed in traditional swiss outfits.

after the castle, we sat in the sun (and i didn't burn despite the high altitude so it must be the african sun itself) eating ice cream. there is something to be said for living in a town instead of a huge city...many people waved a greeting as they drove or walked by, knowing either phillip or timon or both. after this, we headed back to t's house where his mom had prepared racletta for us (a traditional swiss meal consisting of potatoes with melted cheese poured over it...and that doesn't really describe it well...they have a little grill thing that is just for melting the cheese...just go to switzerland and try it sometime! grin). it was quite yummy. afterwards, we went for a walk in the dusk/dark and i wished i had had my camera b/c the moon was rising over the castle as we walked and it was quite beautiful.

skip sunday there b/c i headed down to lugano to visit while timon's church held a youth day. (i haven't been youth in a while and also, it would have been mean to expect him to entertain me and speak english when everyone else was speaking swiss german and new visitors to the church, etc). my day in lugano will be part 2

so, monday back with timon and we just hung out at his home. by monday, the awkwardness of silence between friends who haven't spent time together in a while was gone. there were moments of comfortable silence and lots of fun chatter as well. in fact, we got so caught up in chatter that i missed my bus to the train to take me to richterswil where i was going to be spending the night. his friend phillip graciously lent his car so timon could take me to the train and there we had a very long and a bit awkward goodbye. since it was a rushed affair to get to the train, we said goodbye and i got on the train but then the train didn't leave for several more minutes so we were just there looking at each other and occasionally waving goodbye and grinning. it finally got so silly i opened the door and said this is a very long awkward goodbye and you should just go. he agreed and i watched him walk away even as the train started moving. sad.

pictures are of me with timon and phillip in his home, the table set-up for racletta (note the spoon/spatula things by each plate which held the cheese that went into the grill to be melted then poured over the potatoes) and a clock spire and town shot of the town where t. lives.

sock golf

2009-07-27T17:08:00.004-05:00

another "owed" post.

although we are quite blessed with what we have available to us on the ship (running/clean water, a roof over our heads, internet, good food, etc) we do have a few things that we have given up (apart from families and friends and homes) to come here. things like movie theaters or golf courses or well, you get the idea. and we also have to come up with ways to entertain ourselves here b/c there is only so much you can do in the city and on the ship.

well, thanks to whoever thought of it but justin and lorah for setting it up, we played a full 18 hole course of sock golf on sam's birthday in late june. WHAT is sock golf you ask??? sock golf is a game of golf played with a "tee" (a piece of paper saying tee box here for hole 1) and a "ball" (a rolled up pair of socks) and a "hole" (another piece of paper that you must tag with your "ball"). this doesn't sound very exciting i'm sure but give it a second. hole 1 started on the half stair between decks 5 and 6 and the hole was across the midships lounge on the wall on deck 6. hole 2 required you to go around and then down a set of stairs. one hole you had to hit the soda machine from a deck above. several went up and down and around flights taking us literally all over decks 3-7. some were just long holes down full length corridors.

honestly...i have no talent at sporty stuff and really, this didn't in the least sound fun before we started (i only did it for my dear friend sam). but it was amazingly fun. i didn't have a great score b/c i have zero hand-eye coordination but it was fun.

the pics are: my golfing party miriam, justin, sarah and i. justin action shot tucked up on the ledge. sarah action shot down the stair. and sam the birthday boy and winner.

doctors bligoni and edoh

2009-07-22T05:09:00.005-05:00

another "owed" post

a few weeks before my vacation, "d" ward became the pediatric ward. we had two little boys side by side who both had the same procedure, one a few days after the other. although they were a couple of years apart in age, they were similar in stature. and they both had beautiful smiles (no photos of them, sorry). so, one day to keep bligoni still during ward devotionals, i handed him my stethoscope. he was so excited and kept trying to hear everything (heart, knees, arms) but edoh was very jealous of this attention. so i grabbed a free stethoscope for him. one of the other nurses came over after devos were complete and said, "doctor, i need your help" and they were thrilled that they were now doctors. so, we made them fake ID badges, put one glove on each of them, hung the stethescopes round their necks like real doctors and they carried their catheters in the other hand and went round examining the other patients and nurses. it was so cute to see. and days like that make the sad days a bit easier to bear.

i am including a picture of one of my favorite kiddoes this year, julienne. he came in with a tumor that had made his face look as if it had melted and although his face isn't perfect now, it is better after the tumor was removed. he was such a snuggle bug while he was here.

spicy ladies

2009-07-18T06:08:00.004-05:00

ok, one of my "owed" posts.

we recently had a group of very "spicy" ladies aboard the ship as patients. they were ladies with a vesico-vaginal fistula (or vvf). in their homes, families, culture--they were outcasts. they had all come from up north and spent a week or two together in the hospitality center bonding. they, in essence, became each others' families. and, they were introduced to these strange yovos (white people) who live on a ship and seemed to love and care for them despite the language barrier and the fact that they were "wet" (or constantly leaking urine).

we've had fistula patients aboard the ship before. but this group, probably b/c of their bonding time in the hospitality center, were especially spicy. each victory of someone being "dry" or defeat of someone going to the ICU was experienced by the whole group. they cheered each other on during pelvic floor exercises. one of the ladies, ramatu, who later came on as a day volunteer, would lead them up and down the corridor marching and singing a military chant as they got their daily exercise. it was good to see them marching (literally) single file up the corridor chanting a freedom song each carrying their catheter.

when the ladies are "dry" we hold a ceremony called a dress ceremony on the ship for them. they are each given a new dress and have makeup done and hair done (ususally though their newly done hair hides under the elaborate headdress) and come in to the ward singing and they are able to share their stories and they are prayed over and given a few small gifts that speak to the healing and newness that they have in their physical bodies but can also experience in their spiritual bodies.

this group of ladies added their own touch to the dress ceremonies. even those who were still recovering from surgery and weren't leaving the ship dry "dressed" for the ceremony. they would have a shower and put on a clean gown. and then used their towels to create a headdress.

so, the "spicy" comes from taylor who calls people with that extra verve spicy and these ladies were definitely spicy. it was great having them on the ship. they radiated joy.

prayer please!

2009-07-09T16:54:00.001-05:00

please pray for my mom...she's in the emergency room with low blood pressure, slurred speech and shortness of breath. thanks.

back on the ship

2009-07-08T08:12:00.003-05:00

so, everyone always asks how your trip was when you get back from vacation...it was great and active but not necessarily anyone but me would enjoy.

friday--hung out with my dad and linda, got a pedicure, a couple of aunts/uncles and a cousin came over for dinner.
saturday--to lubbock. went to see star trek with holly. hung out with the family.
sunday--went to see transformers 2 with greg. hung out with the family.
monday--doctor's appt with mom, hung out with the family, went to connor's tball practice, went to greg's basketball game. em and janet drove in from roswell to hang out for a couple of hours (i am soooo blessed to have such great friends!)
tuesday--errands (now i remember one of the things i hate about living at home), hanging out with mom, connor's tball game.
wednesday--watching swimming lessons for connor and alyssa, lunch with melissa/rachel/linda (high school friends), hanging out with the family...CHICKEN FRIED STEAK!!!
thursday--another doctor's appt with mom, a little bit more time with the fam and then back to dallas. dinner with dad, linda and kelly.
friday--to walmart to buy a new bag because my luggage developed a hole and repack in the parking lot before getting on a plane for much too long.
saturday--arrive to paris, fly to zurich...timon waiting for me at the airport! (more about switzerland in its own post)

so, jam packed time at home. doing things that were wonderful to me but maybe not anyone else's ideal vacation. i came back not much more physically rested but i am more emotionally recharged. it was good to see family and a few friends. 11 months is too long to go without seeing them.

i have experienced a bit of culture shock going both directions...mostly price and abundance in the u.s. and switzerland. getting on the plane to come back to africa...the fact that africans don't have personal space so if they are hanging over into my seat, no big deal, right? and the everyone wants to be your friend as soon as you land in africa. but i'm back and ready to jump into work tomorrow.

hmmm, is it bad that i am now up to 4 IOU posts??? coming soon! and i'll try to add some pics of me with the kids when holly sends them to me.

to boldly go...

2009-06-27T21:59:00.003-05:00

today i made it to lubbock to visit my brother, sister in law, mom, nephew and nieces. on the plane, i saw something that is definitely welcome to texas. a man used the overhead storage space to place his cowboy hat--it was his only carryon :D hehe.

connor, alyssa and greg greeted me at the airport and we headed back to the house where holly, mom, kylee and ashlynn waited. oh so good to get hugs from the family. i have missed them. the twins didn't take too long to warm up to this unknown person. they have heard my name and voice but they were really too young to remember me from a year ago.

holly and i went to see star trek and i will own this when it comes out. it was brilliant! and a great choice for my first movie being back in the u.s. i think greg and i will catch transformers 2 while i'm here as well.

no huge plans for the next few days so i won't do a daily post. just hanging out with the family as much as possible until i have to head back to the other side of the world.

coming attractions and word association

2009-06-26T21:47:00.002-05:00

coming soon...posts about doctors bligoni and edoh, spicy ladies and sock golf

today was a quiet day. i ran some errands with dad and was treated to a pedicure by my stepmom. one of my cousins with husband and kids and two of my uncles and aunts came over and we just had an enjoyable time hanging out tonight. my dad and uncle ken were on a serious roll with memories of younger years. but, i do wonder what one might think if they could hear how this story sparked a completely seemingly unrelated story...it was quite random word association.

i am feeling a bit jetlagged tonight so i kept getting lost in the reminiscing (it takes energy to follow old stories) but it was good to just be sitting in my dad's house surrounded by family.

highlights of today (and last night)--i slept in a queen size bed (at least 2 1/2 times the size of my bunk) in a room all by myself. i took a shower with the water running for the full time and not on/off/on/off. family! blue bell vanilla ice cream and root beer floats. portobello mushroom ravioli. being spoiled by my family.

tomorrow i am headed to lubbock to see mom, greg, holly and the kids...yeah...more family!!!!!

vacation (or not)

2009-06-25T22:46:00.002-05:00

so, i'm on holiday. i left benin at 2305 (that is 11pm for those who don't do military time)on wednesday 24 june. i arrived into dfw en route to lubbock at 2130 (9:30pm)on thursday 25 june after 20 hours on a plane and lots of hours in airports. but i am on u.s. soil.

i flew into paris from benin with 2 other mercy shippers but we weren't seated together and we quickly had to say goodbyes the next morning as we went off to claim luggage or make connections. after i made it back thru security and was seated in my terminal waiting area, i was quite surprised to get a tap on my shoulder and the question "did you think you would run into anyone you knew here?" and there was a mercy shipper who had departed a few days before but done a 3 day switzerland trip with his parents before heading home (and thanks to them i have some swiss francs in my pocket for the return trip). the funny thing is after having lived with mostly the same people for at least the last 6 months and some the last 11 months, i kept seeing my friends faces in the airport b/c this person had a hair style like jessie or this one had the same build as daniel or this one had the same profile as miriam. and then i would remember...they are in benin, you are in paris...it isn't them.

i met two interesting guys in the paris layover...they had been with the imb doing a short term mission trip in burkina fossa which is one of the countries that borders benin. i knew the verse on the back of their shirts was definitely an african dialect, i just didn't know which one. we had a lovely conversation for about 45 minutes and i've got some new people to pray for. they also just had a medical team head to the same village they just left to do some basic medical stuff so if you read this, pray for that team.

flight from paris to philly...pretty uneventful. apparently there was some pretty decent turbulence but i slept thru it. i was quite happy to see u.s. soil and everything in english so i didn't have to think in another language.

flight from philly to dallas i heard something i've always dreaded and what is for me the second worst thing i could hear on a flight..."are there any medical personnel aboard?" i hoped never to hear it. i did tonight. it was awkward trying to care for someone while standing in the aisle and they are in their seat. but i was pleasantly surprised at what was available in the emergency kit they flight attendants gave us. the gentleman recovered fairly quickly and we were able to just continue the flight and not have to reroute.

and then, i was at the airport hugging my dad and riding along familiar roads and coming into one of the two houses that are "home" to me. and i get to sleep by myself in a room in a queen size bed and take a long hot shower in the morning. happy, happy, happy!!!

and now to bed.

34

2009-06-17T03:41:00.006-05:00

no, i didn't mis-type...not 24 but 34 aka the 5th anniversary of my 29th birthday!!! hehehe

my birthday celebrations began on sunday evening when a handful of friends and i went out to eat at one of the local thai restaurants. as it is one of my favorite foods and i haven't had it in about a year it was a well appreciated dinner. lots of food and laughter...a good time all around. i always feel a bit schizophrenic during larger groups because i want to be part of all that is going on so i catch bits and pieces of all the conversations.
on monday afternoon after work, i spent a couple of hours baking for my own birthday. i decided if i was going to have to work on my birthday that i would have everyone celebrate with me. so i baked enough for the nurses, translators and patients who were allowed to eat so that everyone was part of my day.
the big day on tuesday. i took the brownies to work and handed them out...fun for me, a surprise for everyone else that i was giving THEM food on MY birthday. i had happy birthday sung in english and french and/or fon. nice! and olivia told me a couple of lines out of the chinese birthday wish. a very international birthday. because i had every intention of avoiding the dining room during the day (they ring a bell on your birthday and the 400-ish crew all sing happy birthday) i had dinner outside on deck 7 with the "family" as my closest friends here are known. and then games to finish off the evening. it was a good day.

i'll try to put up some pics later on

praying with one eye open

2009-06-12T04:49:00.001-05:00

this is a conversation had at some point on a mercy ship by a nurse and a patient...i read about it the other day and couldn't keep from laughing.

patient: are you married?
nurse: no
patient: how old are you?
nurse: 26
patient: do you pray about it?
nurse: yes
patient: do you pray with your eyes closed?
nurse: yes
patient: maybe you should pray with one eye open so you won't miss him when he walks by!

great perspective =) hehehe

heartache

2009-05-28T20:30:00.002-05:00

warning...this post is a grim reminder of the sinful, fallen, broken world in which we live.

the first time i saw baby "o" he was emaciated and lethargic. we weren't sure if he would live through the weekend. and yet, he was a hungry baby and as soon as we started feeding him, he perked up and ate as well as he could. he came to us with a cleft lip and palate and because of the feeding difficulties these cause, he was literally starving. his mom's milk had dried up because he didn't eat well. so, he came to us for a few weeks here on the ship. as he was growing slowly but nicely on a feeding program, we sent him to the hospitality center to feed and grow until he would reach a weight of 3 kg (6.6 lbs) so he could have his lip repaired. (the palate repair would come a few months later). soon, it was time for his first surgery. baby "o" didn't seem to know what to do with his "new" lip at first but quickly adapted and started putting on weight even more rapidly. and so baby "o" and mom went home until it was time to return for the palate repair.

today, we received news from the local hospital that baby "o" had passed away...that he had literally been starved to death. medical illnesses are often viewed as a curse here. and though now baby "o" looked more normal, his village still viewed him as cursed. and mom had no support apart from the social worker at the local hospital. and so she stopped coming for formula and stopped feeding him and he died...an innocent baby, not cursed but with a common birth defect that is so easily repaired.

i have to be honest, i don't understand. it is a terrible thing that happened in this broken world we live in. but i am not despairing...i know WHO wins!!! and it is NOT the prince of this world. though he wins some battles, he will ultimately lose to the God of all creation, the God of the universe. and He will one day remake this broken world and there will be no more tears and no more heartache. and it is not mine to sit back idly and just wait...i am to fight on my knees and thru His love and by His grace.

where are we?

2009-05-02T12:20:00.002-05:00

joshua farrell came to visit our cabin today for a few minutes. he is a most adorable toddler who wants to know why? what? and where? (usually over and over). we have a large map of africa with all the countries marked in different colours on the wall. he asked what? i told him it was a map of africa. why? not really sure how to answer that one. but i pointed out where we were (benin). a few why/where/what questions later he pointed to benin and said something along the lines of this is where i am. brilliant. =)

enter, uncle sam. let's have some of the same conversation again for his sake. uncle sam asked, joshua, where are we?

on a ship! amy and i cracked up and joshua grinned although i'm not sure he understood why it was so funny to us but hilarious.

surprised by pain

2009-05-02T08:26:00.000-05:00

there is a book called "the problem of pain" by c.s. lewis. it talks about how hard a time people have believing in a good loving gracious God when there is pain and tragedy in the world. it is a great book. i highly recommend it.
we are currently doing pediatric orthopedic surgeries on board. there is a period about 4-6 hours after anesthesia where the kids "wake up" in extreme pain. they have already been physically awake but then they are "surprised" by this emerging pain. now, we as medical professionals expect this emergence of pain. it is a hard surgery. but in order to fix what was wrong, pain will be involved. so if we expect that there will be pain when fixing something physically wrong, why are we surprised by pain when fixing something spiritually wrong? why are we surprised by pain being in this world broken by our sins? why are we surprised when God's Word says in this world we will have trouble?
i don't know why we are surprised by pain. and i say we b/c even with my understanding of this today it doesn't mean that i won't be surprised by some pain tomorrow.
the only thing to do is to take heart and hope in what else the Word says..."take heart, I have overcome the world!"

ripples in the pond

2009-04-29T08:47:00.000-05:00

a few nights ago at community meeting, someone spoke about how we are changing the life of a patient thru their surgery. but it is so much more. a child with a cleft lip or palate is repaired which allows them to gain nutrition and to look "normal" so they no longer feel the ostracism of being different. but their family also has a stigma removed. and if spirits were involved then satan loses ground! but where did the original ripple start...obviously with the loving heart of the Father as He tossed a boulder in the water. was the first ripple the person who cared for the patient (doctors, nurses, anesthetists)? or perhaps the people at home who support those caring for the patient by prayer and finances? or maybe the heart of a child in a vacation Bible school somewhere who heard about the people needing help and prayed that God will send someone to help? all these ripples leading to changed lives which also continue to ripple out into forever.

there is power!

2009-04-27T15:56:00.001-05:00

would you be free from your burden of sin? there's power in the blood, power in the blood!

the best part of working evening shift is impromptu worship sessions and the prayer time done by the ward counselors. tonight the counselors came in singing "there's power in the blood" in fon (a local dialect) and i sang along in english and a fellow nurse noomi sang along in swedish. how awesome is it that #1, i can worship at work? and #2 it is a taste of what heaven may be like...all tribes and tongues and nations bowing at His feet in worship singing holy, holy, holy!

a confession

2009-04-24T07:22:00.002-05:00

i pretty much will read anything. i like classic novels, espionage thrillers, fantasy and the occasional sci-fi, murder mysteries, poetry, children's books like nancy drew and the boxcar kid series, teaching books by authors like cs lewis and andrew murray, the rare biography. but, i have a confession to make...a deep dark secret...i also like to read chick lite (romance fluff)! gasp! i don't think they are at all realistic. but they don't take any thought to read and sometime i just want to imagine a happily ever after.

so, why am i talking about this? well, because every so often the authors of Christian chick lite will put in a nugget of truth that is something i've never thought before or a new way to think about something.

from a book "Besides, I have to admit, you make a man wonder--will he be enough for you if you're not enough for yourself?"

this was one of those nuggets that i set the book aside and let my mind wander with. it seems ok, but a bit off. i would rather it say "if God is not enough for me, will a man be? can my family be? can my friends be? can my job be (this one i don't struggle with! grin) can how i spend my time be?" if I don't allow God to fill me and consume me then all these other things that cannot or should not will be given the chance to fill and consume me. and that burden applied to people will destroy the relationship. it is too much a burder for a person to try to fill God's place in a heart. and that burden given over to things will pervert that also--workaholic, addictive behaviors, or frantically trying to fill our time with deeds--it is not something that things can do, it is God's place.

april newsletter

2009-04-21T22:05:00.005-05:00

April 2009

Dear Family and Friends,

Well, we arrived safely to Benin in February just a day behind schedule and then the insanity began. It must have seemed insanity from the outside looking in (and well, from the inside looking out at times too!). First, we had to set up the hospital area. This sounds easy enough but it started with some serious cleaning--scrubbing the walls and down on hands and knees to scrub the floors. After the cleaning came unpacking and setting up the wards. We were still desperately working on set-up when our first tour of the hospital by the Benin Minister of Health occurred. Several tours and days later and it was on to the second phase of getting the hospital going--finding patients!

The process of finding patients actually started several months before we left Liberia. A team of four came as advance to Benin to begin the paperwork and work with the local media and churches to prepare for the arrival of the Africa Mercy. One of the preparations that the Advance Team did was to have the media and churches announce the screening days the ship would be holding in mid-February to find patients. Screening day...thousands of people lined up beginning the day before hoping to be seen by the crew of the Africa Mercy. They waited in the hot sun and through the muggy night and again in the hot sun on the day of screening. There was a pre-screen area outside the auditorium where patients with eye problems were pulled out for a separate screening and where others were turned away with problems that were not surgical or not any of the surgical specialties on board. After the pre-screening, the hopeful patients moved into the auditorium and waited more as they were seen by general crew obtaining logistical information (name, tribe, language, age, etc) and then on to one of the many nurses who obtained a health history and vital signs (heart rate, respiratory rate and blood pressure). After this, they waited to see the surgeons and anesthetists. At this point, again, some were sent away as there was nothing we could do. Other crew members prayed with them and counseled them. But, if the surgeon assessed them and agreed they were a candidate for surgery, then they were sent to be worked into the ten month surgery schedule. After this, they waited to have lab work done or be scheduled to have x-rays done and received vitamins and iron tablets. Some of them went home to wait months until they will return for their procedure. Some have already been to the ship, had their surgeries and returned home.

Screening days were fun and tiring and heartbreaking. Most of the crew was involved, even those who are not in the medical field. They served as security or handing out water and bread or playing with the children. The day started at 3am for some and ended at 10pm for others. But everyone was working together and serving as our Father has called us to. There were times it was heartbreaking as some could not be helped and were turned away. But this, too, is in the hands of God, so no despair.

Now we are almost two full months into the surgery outreach. The touch of insanity remained even at the start of surgeries as people settled back into familiar roles or new crew learned the ropes. We started with all six operating rooms open this year so we "hit the ground running!" But things have settled a bit and now we are more in just a day to day routine. It has been good even with the craziness to start. I have been primarily working with the children so far and had the cutest little guy the other day. He had just woken up from having a cleft lip repaired. He made the most adorable faces as he tried to see what it was that felt so different and when he couldn't, settled for running his tongue over and over the new full lip.

Benin seems quite different than Liberia. The streets don't have yawning potholes waiting to swallow cars whole. The buildings are not shells or riddled with bullets. There doesn't seem to be the same level of despair or unease when walking on the streets. Even the dock is different in that it is much busier. (The port we are in is one of the busiest in West Africa!) The language is different--French based and of course the local dialects. It makes for some interesting "discussions" with the people...my very small French and lots of pantomime! We are called yovos by the people of Benin and it is not uncommon to be walking down the street and hearing the children call out "yovo, yovo."

This work is just as much yours as it is mine and it is all for His glory. I could not be here serving if it weren't for my gracious financial and prayer supporters. For that I thank you. And I pray that this work will bless you as well. I know I say this in each of my letters but it is true. Each of the people pictured above and the many who aren't pictured are people who your support has helped to change their lives. I am only the hands. Thank you, for myself and those who cannot say thank you.

fruit

2009-04-18T05:16:00.002-05:00

i have been quite at a loss lately on what i wanted to read/study in the Word in my own quiet times. i tend to read through the Bible by groupings of verses or do a word study (like earlier when i did a study on the hands of God). but lately, no leading really, just kinda wherever i happen to open up. but the Psalms have been speaking to me every time one is mentioned so i thought i would do a study on the Psalms next...40ish days in the Psalms (one in the morning, one in the evening plus a little leeway with 119!)

the first day...Psalm 1 was quite freeing. i am currently memorizing John 15. ("I am the Vine, you are the branches...") and there is much in this passage about bearing fruit and there are times i just don't feel fruitful. well, most of the time, i have a hard time seeing fruit in my own life...maybe b/c i am too involved in my own life??? or sometimes b/c i listen to satan's lies? anyways, i do worry a bit when i feel i am being unfruitful so Psalm 1 was quite freeing when i read "and yields its fruit in season". even though this is also one of my memory verses (well passages) it just never struck me before that there are seasons in fruitfulness. it was as if a weight had been lifted. not that i shouldn't strive to be fruitful but that sometimes there are going to be times when i won't be and perhaps it is just winter and not necessarily sinfulness keeping me from bearing fruit.

this may seem elementary to whoever reads this and if so, i hope it is just a good reminder. if not, then i hope it encourages you as it did me.

bewitched

2009-04-02T18:26:00.003-05:00

a few weeks ago we had a patient die after a very rough post-operative period. by the end, her death was a release, a blessing to be away from the body now out of her control. one of our translators said her family was saying she was bewitched. my western mind (in both medical and spiritual thought) dismissed this thought. but a few days later in one of my quiet times, it came back to me. and as i thought about it and listened to the Holy Spirit's leading, i had to accept that it is possible she was "bewitched". when we were headed to benin, we were talking about the things to expect in the country including its religious ideology and it was easy to think of all the spiritual warfare we would face. but then, we got here, and it was life as usual then the thoughts of spiritual warfare went by the wayside. and we go on with our day to day and just outside the ship is the voodoo capital of the world, a large body of muslim believers and a cult religion or two. could it be demonic forces? absolutely. is that scary? yes! but is God still Sovereign? yes, praise the Lord, hallelujah, amen!

so, please pray for us as we do come up against forces opposed to the work of Christ. and it is easy to forget. and i will pray for you as well.

"i wanna hold your hand"

2009-03-13T07:03:00.003-05:00

thoughts on exodus 17:9-12

sometimes it seems as if the job we are given is insignificant or that no matter our part, someone else will get the glory. sometimes it seems as if our names are not known or that they pale in comparison to the other names involved. certainly in this battle of israel against the amalekites, aaron and hur could have felt such. moses (THE MOSES!) only had to lift or lower his hands to change the direction of the battle. joshua (JOSHUA!) was in the midst of the fray. and although aaron had a 'name', he and hur were only to stand beside moses and hold his hand. and yet, without their work, the battle would have been lost. their standing beside this great well known leader holding his hand was their work...to hold his hands when he could not, to stand beside him. so, sometimes, the work is 'glorious' but sometimes, we go a long only to hold another's hands. but the work needs both. and sometimes everyone may know your name and sometimes maybe they don't. but the work belongs to all, name or no, holding hands or leading the charge.

HIPPA

2009-03-10T17:42:00.002-05:00

this one is more for my american healthcare friends.

today as we were giving report, 2 of the dutch speaking nurses gave report in dutch. another american nurse and i just laughed and said what a great way to provide patient confidentiality! we decided that would be the solution to some of the HIPPA issues. all medical professionals would be required to learn/speak another language that is not widely used in america for work purposes. then, you can give report in the middle of the dining room if you like and no one will know what you are saying :) i said russian, alaine said swahili.

yeah

2009-03-06T06:00:00.002-06:00

i have a friend who when you ask how she is, she answers "yeah" sometimes, she follows this yeah with a good or happy or whatever else but i have grown used to hearing yeah as an answer to this question. it makes me smile, mainly b/c she makes me smile.

so, when people ask me how it's going here, sometimes i just want to say "yeah". people expect that b/c i live on a ship in west africa that every day is exciting. it isn't. a lot of my week (and sometimes all week) is just a normal day-to-day routine. i get up, go to work, work out, eat a few meals, read a book, maybe spend some time with friends and then sleep. much like my life at home. the difference being that my life here is contained in a very small space....all of it--grocery shopping, going to starbucks, the library, my house, my work. and so sometimes it feels as if my blog must be boring b/c well, sometimes even life on a ship in west africa can be boring. not bad boring, but not exciting boring. and then there is the thought that if all i blog about are the exciting things, it sounds like i'm on holiday. and although i like to play and play hard when i do, i am just here living life.

so, nothing profound today. just life.

famous last words

2009-02-28T09:01:00.002-06:00

last week i read a book called "the note" by angela hunt. the premise of the book is a note that survived a plane crash that were last words from a father. the note was short and sweet "t, all is forgiven. i love you. dad" the book was very good. thru her search for the recipient of the note the heroine of the book must battle her own demons and find some reconciliation of her own.

it made me wonder what my last words would be and who would i want them to go to. if i were to die today, are there any i should reconcile with? are there any in my life who don't know of or doubt my love for them? or should i instead send my thanks to someone? who and why? or is there some other word that should be said? again why and who?

this is not meant to be a melancholy note. it was to recommend a book and share with you some of the thoughts of my mind...it is after all "my mind out loud" hehe ;-)

ps. for those of you who recently have posted comments and found them gone, if they contained your email address, i removed them for your protection. thanks for the comments. they were read and appreciated. and your email is now in my email in a safe place.

opposites

2009-02-23T06:49:00.002-06:00

During our prayer time a couple of days ago we were praying for the Holy Spirit to come and move and intercede and some words of His ways of working came to mind. the ways seem weirdly opposite but both are necessary works of the Holy Spirit

--reveal our sins and cover us over in His blood/peace

--break our hearts and bind up the broken

--wound and heal

--admonish and encourage

--pour us out and fill us up

--speak for us and hear us

Any you can think of?

benin

2009-02-17T13:01:00.002-06:00

ok, i've been trying to figure out how to write this without sounded like a fractured wikipedia note about benin. i guess i'll start with a few facts and end with first impressions. unfortunately i have no photos to go with first impressions.

we arrived into port in cotonou, benin on tuesday 10 february. our original arrival was supposed to happen on monday afternoon but due to some engine trouble, we rode at anchor most of monday and then quietly slipped into our berth on tuesday. is is definitely west africa. hot. humid. a few half sunken ships in the harbor. there is a bit of leftover haze from the saharan dust cloud called the harmattan which was in the air in january.

benin itself used to be a french colony before gaining their independence. it is bordered to the east by nigeria, to the west by togo and to the north by both burkina faso and niger. the primary language is french with many tribal dialects. the primary religion according to the census is Chrisitan. almost equally as influential is islam and voodoo. in fact, benin is the voodoo capital of the world. and many combine some of their ancestral/tribal worship styles (knowingly or not) with their Christian and muslim faith practices. although there is still significan poverty, there has also been large development of the nation recently. (end of facts...check out wikipedia for more :) !)

it is almost hard to believe i am in west africa. the city on the surface seems much more developed. there are many buildings that are multi-level. they are intact, not war-damaged. the streets are paved. there are sidewalks. restaurants. the atmosphere feels safer. perhaps it is the lack of u.n. tanks. but, there are still armed guards into certain buildings and it is weird how i feel that someone standing at a gate with an assault rifle is normal. i admit to some apprehension at the level of spiritual darkness here.

but, i am glad to be here. i am glad to get the work started again. i'll share more about the work in my next couple of posts. we have our screening days on thursday and friday to evaluate the benin people as surgical candidates. if they are approved, we will "book" them for their surgery date then and we begin surgeries on tuesday 24 february. please be in prayer for both those who will be coming to the ship for surgeries and also for those who are not candidates.

sorry it's a bit boring but hopefully the next will be better =)

hands

2009-02-15T07:24:00.004-06:00

Some thoughts about God’s character revealed by descriptions of His hands.

I started a study of God’s hands to see what it revealed about His character after our Scripture memory group memorized a verse about His hands. And after reading all 1409 verses in the Bible that speak of hand (not necessarily God’s) this is what His hands say about Him…

In His hands: life, deliverance, greatness, power, abundance, good, fulfillment, eternal pleasures, salvation, discipline, awesome deeds, all things come, we are held within, healing, the world, longevity, and satisfaction.

His hands are: mighty, strong, favorable, good, majestic, omnipotent, filled with righteousness, and exalted. His hands: cover me, uphold, fight for, shadow us, help, created, sustain, and guide.

And although I read, I did not mark all the verses that spoke of His discipline…it too is His character…He disciplines those He loves but how dreadful His hand upon or against those opposed to Him.

blog about benin mid-week. sorry i haven't done it yet.

last days of tenerife

2009-02-06T11:07:00.003-06:00

so i was reminded last night that i needed to blog...which i already knew but it has been hard figuring out what to blog about. although tenerife wasn't fully a vacation, it was a bit and it is hard to write about that to people at home who are praying for and financially supporting my work when i'm not really doing it for a month. but the work the deck and engineering departments did during that "vacation" time was necessary so it all works together somehow. the rest and refreshment of the time was needed as we are about to enter a season of busy-ness. we arrive to benin on monday (and more about that monday i hope) to begin the medical work again.

for now, i'll wrap up tenerife for you.

highlights...we got to go for some beautiful drives. (apart from the motion sickness of riding up mountain roads that looked as if a child developed the road plan). the island is beautiful. i'm only half joking when i say i could retire here. there is the beauty of the spanish villages tucked into the mountainside. the mountains and the ocean, my two favorite terrains tucked up next to each other. often, the higher we got into the mountains, the more a blanket of mist settled around us making far sight difficult. but then, you would come through the mist and this lush green mountain would be backdropped by the ocean waves crashing into the beach. we also were able to eat at some seriously yummy restaurants. one weekend we drove through the misting rain up towards "el teide" the slumbering volcano from which the island was birthed. it was one of those days when the mist just lifted and wow...a snow covered peak rising above fields of a ragged rocky bed where the volcano had once upon a time spewed forth rock and lava. some of the more adventurous in our group climbed about half way up but i was content to scramble over the rock bed figuring out my way up this boulder and behind that one. my last weekend in tenerife was spent camping and hiking. it was cold and wet and a blast! it misted part of our hike up to the camping area and then it began to outright rain so we arrived wet and cold. after setting up tents and getting dry-ish, the guys got a fire going and we pretty much spent the rest of the day around it eating some fantastic food (thanks to cathy) and staying warm and chatting and having a worship session and playing silly campfire games and taking a walk in the dark. the next morning, it had dried up a bit and we had a wonderful breakfast of pancakes (thanks to daniel) and fried potatoes with eggs and toast (thanks to cathy and marylou for that) and coffee and tea. shortly after we finished breakfast and another worship session, park rangers showed up and told us we couldn't camp there, burn a fire there, or park the vehicle where it was. by God's grace we had a spanish speaker with us who was able to help us clear up the mess and the rangers were very nice to let us off with a warning b/c we had an old map that designated that as a camping spot. half the group went home at this point but the rest of us opted for a hike. it was beautiful and wet and muddy. at the top of the mountain daniel shared a bit from God's Word and then hiking down and a lunch of pb&j sandwhiches before heading down to the bus and back to the ship. and getting to meet amy's dad, miriam's mom and dad, and sarah's parents and sister.

lowlights...the aforementioned park rangers. my cabin-mate and dear friend having to be hospitalized.

below are some pics from el teide and camping.

sailing again

2009-01-30T10:12:00.002-06:00

ok, i know i need to update the blog...seriously, unless the internet is super-sluggish while we sail, one is coming next week to finish out our time in tenerife.

but i did want to say hey, we sail tomorrow for benin. please keep the crew in your prayers...for safety, no seasickness and the ship will sail well after all the work done by deck/engineering these last several weeks.

thanks.

January 1 update

2009-01-01T05:56:00.003-06:00

below is my newsletter

January 2009

Dear Family and Friends,

At times, it seems as if were just yesterday I was saying goodbyes and boarding a plane to Africa. But in reality, I have been in here for four months already (and likely five by the time some of you get this). I am sitting here wondering how to capture the past four months for each of you at home—how to tell you about the way I live, the work I do, the people who are my “family” here, my triumphs and struggles in this new life of mine.

My day-to-day life is quite different for some obvious some not-so-obvious reasons. First of all, I live on a 500 foot long, 8 story ship that houses my “home” and my work, the store, a gym, the laundry, a coffee shop, and a “restaurant”. I live with 3 other ladies in my cabin along with some 400 or so other crew members aboard. My cabin is roughly the size of my bedroom at home but shared with 3 other people and holding 4 closets, 4 beds, a small sitting area and a bathroom. My commute to work has decreased from approximately 30 minutes to about 30 seconds. I don’t have to worry about cooking dinner for myself after a long shift. I can’t just run to the local grocery store if I do feel like cooking or have run out of something. Some not so obvious changes are living in 24/7 community. I live out my life, good days and bad, in front of everyone. I enjoy having my friends right in the next berth but there are times when I long for solitude. And surprisingly, there are days when I feel intensely lonely despite being surrounded by the 400 other some odd crew members. Ship life itself is fairly routine. Regular community wide or departmental devotional times, work times, set meal times take up most of the day-to-day. You fit in friend time and keeping up with those at home and working out and French classes and whatever else around those things.

To tell you about work, I will share a couple of my patients and their stories with you. Work is both less and more demanding than ever before. Less in that I am working with mostly healthy individuals who are recovering from surgery. More in that their need is overwhelming. There are frustrations in how things are done differently from home or making do with what supplies we have not necessarily what I am used to working with. But the joys far outweigh the frustrations.
Meet Agnes and Alice. They represent the women with VVF—vesicovaginal fistula. This is an opening created between the bladder and birth canal by traumatic births. These women leak urine constantly and become outcast in their societies. The women often enter the hospital with despair, shame, fear and distrust. Each day as we work with them, not only taking care of their bodies but also loving them and talking with them, you can watch a growing wonder at people who would love and value them despite what their culture says. As their bodies continue to heal and they become “dry” , there is a quiet joy that starts and usually by the end of their stay they are singing and dancing in the hallways. (now that is something I don’t see at home very often!) To watch their transformation from despair to joy is so rewarding.

Of course, my happiest times at work are the days I get to take care of the children who have had surgical procedures. Children are such a delight. Often these kids have lived a far harder life than I have experienced in my many years and their eyes hold a soul far beyond their years. It is humbling to work with each of the patients who live with so little comparatively but yet find joy and contentment in what they have.
Below are some of the children I cared for over the last few months.

I have been truly blessed by God in my extended “family” on the ship. My cabin-mates are dear friends who make me laugh and listen when I ramble and sit beside me when I cry. They have walked through both the good and hard days at my side. The members of my gateway (training class prior to coming) all get together often to just enjoy each other. My fellow nurses are fun to work with and challenge me to become a better nurse and a better person. There are new people coming all the time to the crew and regular goodbyes but it is a great family to be part of.

I’ve mentioned most of my struggles and daily I feel it a triumph if I serve my Father as He has called me. Whatever that looks like for the day, caring for my patients or walking in unity with my fellow crewmembers.

For the holiday season, we are docked in Santa Cruz, Tenerife, Canary Islands, Spain. The medical staff is having a well-deserved rest. Most of us have transferred into jobs in other parts of the ship. I am working in our coffee shop and although it is a bit surreal to serve my friends coffee, it is fun. The deck and engineering teams are putting in long hours to do ship maintenance that cannot be done when we have patients aboard. We will be sailing to Benin in late January and beginning another ten month outreach.

This work is just as much yours as it is mine and it is all for His glory. I could not be here serving if it weren’t for my gracious financial and prayer supporters. For that I thank you. And I pray that this work will bless you as well.

merry Christmas

2008-12-26T05:32:00.007-06:00

some photos of our Christmas eve and day.

Christmas eve started off quite lazily. we sat around for several hours before heading into santa cruz to have lunch and do a bit of shopping. then back to the ship in time to get dressed for Christmas eve dinner. the galley and dining room staff outdid themselves on the food and decor and all the crew looked quite nice. sadly i don't have any photos from dinner itself. we had a Christmas eve service followed by desserts and socializing in the midships lounge. then the fun begins ;) miriam, amy and i retired to our cabin to watch "a charlie brown Christmas" and "irving berlin's white Christmas" until the wee hours of the morning of Christmas day. we had a short pause while we wandered around to leave "shoe gifts". (a dutch tradition that we do on the 24th on ship and leave presents outside cabin doors in shoes and on the floor) we did startle a few other "elves" who were trying to leave their shoe gifts as well :) we finally crawled into bed at 3am and then a few short hours later it was time to get up for the start of Christmas day.

Christmas day we started by heading up to the rolland's family cabin and opening shoe gifts together while drinking hot chocolate. (italian style--thick enough to need a spoon and oh so yummy!) then off to brunch also well done by the galley and dining room. after brunch, it was seriously time for a nap given 2 nights of short sleep hours. in the afternoon back up to the rolland's cabin for a holiday movie and then time for dinner. the evening hours were spent chilling but at about 9pm we packed out 10 or so landrovers and drove in a caravan down to the main part of the harbour where the tenerife symphony orchestra performed a concert followed

by some fire works. my new favorite way to end Christmas day.

b/c everyone needs a pirate ship made from candy! our wrapping job and clue, jenny and john's faces and the ship. =)

Christmas on the AFM

2008-12-21T07:22:00.008-06:00

by the way, AFM is the way we shorten the ship's name--Africa Mercy.

this Christmas season has been strange. i have found it quite difficult to get into and remain in "the Christmas spirit". part of this is the fact that in early december i was still playing in the water at the beach (and even now when it is decidedly cooler here in tenerife, it is still mid to upper 60s in the daytime and i can see palm trees.) part of it has been the fact that i am not home and don't have "home" coming to me (family visiting) or plans to go home during this season. part of it is the lack of bombardment of holiday stuff from the stores (due to lack of stores) and tv screen (again due to lack of tv viewing). and this one i am actually thankful for. i didn't have to start seeing Christmas decor and sales in the shops beginning before halloween was even over.

but there is a lot to do to "bring" Christmas here on the AFM. the normal community areas of the cafe/midships lounge/dining room are decorated with trees and garland and lights and ornaments. and our activities schedule is actually much more full than normal.

3rd--winter wonderland (craft booths and yummy winter treats to eat/drink)

9th--santa lucia (scandinavian holiday celebration usually on the 13th but we were sailing then.)

holiday movies on the weekends (White Christmas, The Christmas Story, Elf)

14th--cookie baking/decorating (i was a bit seasick then so i baked mine the next day)

15th--kids Christmas craft night. (adults helping kids do Christmas-y crafts and santa pics)

18th--kids Chrismtas play (written and performed by the academy students. they did a great job! it was funny and thoughtful and no mean feat for them to perform while sailing and having to do lines and maintain balance)

24th--Christmas dinner and service along with the dutch tradition of leaving gifts in shoes (although that happens on the 5th in the netherlands i think)

25th--Christmas brunch

31st--new year's eve ball and fireworks put on by the harbor

and we have had beautiful Advent services each sunday where Scriptures are read and Christmas hymns and carols are sung (although most of these are the british and not american english versions). each sunday we have a different special music offering...the first week was a song in portugese from our brazilian family, the second week was a song in the ghanian dialect by several african crew members, the third week was a song in korean and mandarin chinese by some of the asian/korean crew members, the fourth week was by some of our norwegian crew members.

below are some pics of the decor aboard. the first is a tree painted onto a glass door, the second a tree in the midships lounge, the next three are my cabin door and our next door neighbors and we combined our doors into a theme along the lines of elfyourself, the next is the cafe area and the last two are tayler and miriam in the miships stair area. not bad for a ship!

God's sense of humor

2008-12-14T10:41:00.003-06:00

sailing (i know i still owe one about my thoughts on africa so far)
so, what does sailing have to do with God's sense of humor? well, let's see...i have motion sickness (planes, trains, cars, boats, ships) and i'm on a ship that is sailing. i also have a mild bit of claustrophobia (it has more to do with the amount of stuff in the space than the size of the space) and i'm on a ship sharing what used to be the size of my room at home with 3 other people--4 beds, 4 closets, a bathroom, a sitting area on a ship, where everything is compacted for space sake. and i have a serious fear of water that i can't see it and i'm on a ship in the middle of the ocean with nothing but water to see wherever i look.
God's sense of humor?
i enjoy the sailing apart from the motion sickness (which i did have a bout of this morning)
i like my cabin and cabin mates and even the compactness of things on the ship
i think the ocean is beautiful. watching the waves roll by, right now with white caps on the waves. the lovely colour of blue of the ocean caused by the reflection of the sky and light of the sun. the way the ship crashes down into the waves makes me smile (and a bit sick) but it is fun.

God is good...all the time. even when we don't understand.

"master and commander" and robert's port

2008-12-10T12:40:00.005-06:00

robert's port first

we had a "dark" ship this past weekend as the main engines were off from some maintenance. so, most everyone who didn't have to be on ship went ashore. i went with a group of 10 others to a beach called robert's port. there are canvas tents on wooden platforms with 2-3 double beds in them to camp in. we drove up saturday morning and arrived right around lunch time. after a quick lunch it was down to the beach where we met up with another group of about 10 people from the ship who had camped out on the beach and into the water for a bit followed by some beach volleyball first in just a round robin style then later at the net the "resort" owner set up. this game was a bit challenging in that we had a dog who kept wanting to join and was only lured away by esther throwing the stick over and over and over for him. it was starting to get dark so we headed up for showers before dinner. we had a really nice african dinner at the restaurant there at the resort with some sparkly gear on to celebrate esther's 30th birthday! if you're going to have to be away from home in africa, celebrating on the beach is the way to go. after dinner and some dancing by a few in our group, we headed over to the meet back up with the other group and sit at a bonfire eating cake and smores and playing bonfire games. a moonlit walk on the beach and then bed. up to play again in the water for hours on sunday and then some more volleyball and showers and heading back to the ship. we arrived home tired but relaxed from the weekend. and back to a ship with power....yeah!

pics below are the inside of the tent, esther and i at her birthday dinner, breakfast group--paul/esther/karen/nina, keep away in the water, and me coming towards our tent

master and commander
we are studying the names of God in ward nurse devotionals this week. one of my 7 names to study was Master. and usually i think of this in terms of slave and master and more from the slave's point of view. but being that i am on a ship currently and the captain is also known as the master, i am seeing some new aspects of this. our captain (not sure if this is true of all captains) has made himself responsible and accountable for us. if we miss curfew, it falls on his shoulder's. and i was thinking about this in relation to our Master. He also has made Himself responsible for us and accountable to the Father for us. Cool, huh?!?! He is responsible for our keeping. that is so humbling and amazing.

and then there were none...

2008-12-05T17:26:00.002-06:00

a bit of a morbid title i guess.

sorry it has been several weeks. next week (hopefully) will have at least 2 but hoping 3 blogs. but i did want to update you on what is going on right now. and teaser for next 3 blogs...robert's port, my thoughts and experiences on my work so far and sailing.

this last couple of weeks has been spent sending more and more patients home, closing down different parts of the hospital and saying goodbyes to nurses who are leaving and our liberian dayworkers who come in to help in various roles (ward counselors, translators, working in the deck and cleaning departments, etc). so, then there were none...we sent our last patients home and last days of work for our dayworkers on friday. it is a bit bittersweet. i am looking forward to the time "off" and holidays but i will miss my patients and dayworker friends. we will be sailing soon but before that, lots of cleaning and packing yet to do.

i know this isn't a lot of info for having been m.i.a. in the last 3 weeks, but i promise more next week.