milk
you are so creamy and white
although some add strawberry or chocolate
you froth and foam when heated
whole you are so full of taste
but you are healthy at 1-2%
and like water when skim
in all your forms so tasty
milk, please keep me from the evils of uht
alas, i must go and leave milk behind
and return to the place of milch
i will miss you milk
=)
19 January 2010
05 January 2010
Mom
i'm going to borrow a line out of one of my fave books..."the place she stood in my heart is now empty."
Carolyn E. Barnes was born in Lubbock, Texas on 9 January 1950. She went home to be with Jesus on 26 December 2009. I got to the hospital just in time to say goodbye. My mom was one of the most amazing people I know. Sure, she did things that as a child embarrassed me and as an adult just made me shake my head and she had that famous Whitten temper, but she was amazing. She had such a servant's heart...always looking to make sure people were comfortable and had what they needed even at cost to her own comfort and needs. She had a beautiful smile. She enjoyed music...singing, playing the piano, even writing her own music (although what became of it I don't know). She was very creative in general...painting, quilting, sewing, writing. She was my biggest cheerleader...she always encouraged me to reach for the stars and applauded me when I reached them and comforted me when I didn't. She loved her family and friends so much...they were her joy (and heartbreak) until her last breath. Her grandkids could bring a smile no matter how much pain she was in.
She was one of the bravest and strongest people I know. Her heart condition caused her so much pain and yet she fought to live every moment to the fullest.
She loved Jesus. He was definitely her all in all. She walked in His strength and wisdom and spent hours with Him in prayer, not just for herself to know Him more but petitioning Him for the needs and wants of her family and friends. She wanted everyone to know Him (and this desire made it a little easier to let her "baby" go off to the wilds of Africa so that He might be known).
I was very blessed to call her Mom. I never doubted that I was loved growing up. And as I grew to adulthood, she became my friend. She will be missed.
thank you for all your prayers for my mom in her illness and my family in this time of saying goodbye.
17 December 2009
basically, dolphins everywhere
so, we're still sailing. but yesterday started and ended and was filled in the middle with dolphins. at one point, the c/o (big polish guy) came on the overhead announcement and said the above "basically, dolphins everywhere". the nurses have been having morning devotional time out on the bow and the day started with a pod of dolphins racing the ship just off the bow. throughout the day we got many overheads to say dolphins here or there. and just before i headed to bed, i sat out on the catwalk off the bridge in the dark and got to see dolphins racing alongside the bow again. however, in the dark they showed up just as a streak as the phosphorescent algae churned up around them. good day really. =)
the photos are from the nurses' devo times and are taken by ali.
14 December 2009
rest and wonder
we are sailing! and for me that means a lot of rest. there are no more patients to care for and no more quick trips into town and the fact that sleeping keeps the urge to vomit at bay ;-). (unfortunately the first 4 days of sailing meant some seasickness for me as well). this time of rest is needed. after giving and giving and giving of ourselves for the last 10 months, it is nice to have this time with lots of nothing to do to just soak in the sun and feel the winds off the ocean and just rest.
yesterday was a day of "rest" of a different sort. i didn't get much physical rest (in fact, i'm running off 2 hours of sleep right now) but it was a rest of the mind and spirit. i spent hours outside, first having a time with the Father, lunch, watching an awe-inspiring sunset, and finally, sitting on the catwalk around the bridge watching the night sky. not just any night sky, though. it was a sky filled with more stars than you can see in any city, even than i've seen when camping out. and set off by the vastness of the ocean surrounding us. to make it even better, last night there was a meteor shower. in the day, the ocean touched by the sun is such a magnificent blue, in the night, there is so much darkness except where the ship churns up the phosphorescent algae and sparkles light the waves that crash under the bow.
and all this brings me to the wonder i found here in the sail and in the time of rest and reflection on all that we've experienced these last 10 months. all that beauty that i get to enjoy here on the sail...God didn't have to create it. He could have just painted the sky blue and the ocean greenish blue and left it at that. but no, He made a million shades of blue and for fun added in the sunset which washes the sky in pinks and purples and kisses it with gold. He could have created the stars although we wouldn't really have known if He didn't...but to add in the meteor showers! phosphorescent algae...who would have known if not for the ark and the need to learn to sail the oceans? but He knew and created it for His enjoyment. more wonder still...He created us with the ability to enjoy it just as He does! He didn't have to. but He did. and as to what i've experienced these last 10 months, He didn't need me to be part of it. but He invited me to join in. how amazing is He! how wonderful!
yesterday was a day of "rest" of a different sort. i didn't get much physical rest (in fact, i'm running off 2 hours of sleep right now) but it was a rest of the mind and spirit. i spent hours outside, first having a time with the Father, lunch, watching an awe-inspiring sunset, and finally, sitting on the catwalk around the bridge watching the night sky. not just any night sky, though. it was a sky filled with more stars than you can see in any city, even than i've seen when camping out. and set off by the vastness of the ocean surrounding us. to make it even better, last night there was a meteor shower. in the day, the ocean touched by the sun is such a magnificent blue, in the night, there is so much darkness except where the ship churns up the phosphorescent algae and sparkles light the waves that crash under the bow.
and all this brings me to the wonder i found here in the sail and in the time of rest and reflection on all that we've experienced these last 10 months. all that beauty that i get to enjoy here on the sail...God didn't have to create it. He could have just painted the sky blue and the ocean greenish blue and left it at that. but no, He made a million shades of blue and for fun added in the sunset which washes the sky in pinks and purples and kisses it with gold. He could have created the stars although we wouldn't really have known if He didn't...but to add in the meteor showers! phosphorescent algae...who would have known if not for the ark and the need to learn to sail the oceans? but He knew and created it for His enjoyment. more wonder still...He created us with the ability to enjoy it just as He does! He didn't have to. but He did. and as to what i've experienced these last 10 months, He didn't need me to be part of it. but He invited me to join in. how amazing is He! how wonderful!
05 December 2009
buying a cow
i could start off with yet another apology about not keeping the blog up very well. but, instead, i will just say that right now my heart is too full and too broken and my spirit is too tired to really be able to coherently share.
my cabin mate tayler was a bit startled a few weeks ago when i asked her to ask her friend tim how much a cow would cost here in benin. what?!?!? you want to buy a cow?!?!? this led me to sharing with her wasti's story.
wasti and his mama showed up on the dock a few days before the end of surgery. wasti had a cleft lip but along with his cleft he didn't look quite right. he also had not really put on much weight since his previous visit but it was just enough that he was okay for surgery from a weight point of view. what about his not looking quite right???? well, his labwork was quite skewed and so he received a CT scan which showed holoproencephalopathy...but just a mild version. so, we told mom the risks of surgery for him. she almost said no but she had fought so hard for his life to now that she didn't give up and said yes. we were prepared for the worst...even to the point of having to make a decision to withdraw support if he ended up on a breathing machine post-op. and yet, he came through the surgery great! and on the very next day after surgery, wasti had on dark charcoal eyeliner below his eyes. this seems a bit strange from a western view but it was a huge deal. mom was claiming him...claiming him as hers and showing her continued fight for his life. it was something to rejoice over.
the next few days were quite time intensive for me. i had him when i was at work but even came in when i wasn't on shift to work with mom. mom, who spoke a dialect none of our translators spoke directly, except one. mom, who had to learn to feed her baby with formula milk since her milk was dried up...how to prepare clean water and then to prepare the milk. mom, who had to learn to feed her baby on schedule rather than demand which is counter-cultural but necessary for wasti to survive. mom, who had to learn to tell time before she could learn to feed on schedule. and all of this from me to bio (our translator) to wasti's mom and then back to make sure she really understood it.
so, why did i want to know about buying a cow? well, wasti's mom shared her story with us as the days progressed. her baby was whole (at least on the outside now) so she was able to return to her village that had shunned her when her "cursed" baby was born. she was sure she could go back home but wasn't sure her husband would provide for her and the baby now. he had given each of his wives a cow and some land but, she had sold everything to care for her broken babies. (wasti's older sister had needed help with her eyes). so, how much to buy a cow to give her a chance at life, to give wasti a chance at life? 150 CFA which is around 300 US dollars. we took up a collection hoping we could do this for her. we had to tell people to stop giving! as i was doing some teaching about her going home and we gave a very small amount of money to her to get her from the port city to her village on the bus, she said no, it is too much, you have already done too much for me. (little did she know). later in the evening, several of us took her into a room away from others to give her the cow money. we showed a picture of a cow and she named it in her dialect. then we showed her the money and pointed to the cow and then to her. she was stunned and almost unwilling to hope even with the money there before her. but finally she accepted and began praising God (that surely came through despite the language barrier). and so, she went home with a baby that will be accepted and a chance at having a life.
and God let us be part of that! what an amazing and humbling experience to be part of what He is doing!
my cabin mate tayler was a bit startled a few weeks ago when i asked her to ask her friend tim how much a cow would cost here in benin. what?!?!? you want to buy a cow?!?!? this led me to sharing with her wasti's story.
wasti and his mama showed up on the dock a few days before the end of surgery. wasti had a cleft lip but along with his cleft he didn't look quite right. he also had not really put on much weight since his previous visit but it was just enough that he was okay for surgery from a weight point of view. what about his not looking quite right???? well, his labwork was quite skewed and so he received a CT scan which showed holoproencephalopathy...but just a mild version. so, we told mom the risks of surgery for him. she almost said no but she had fought so hard for his life to now that she didn't give up and said yes. we were prepared for the worst...even to the point of having to make a decision to withdraw support if he ended up on a breathing machine post-op. and yet, he came through the surgery great! and on the very next day after surgery, wasti had on dark charcoal eyeliner below his eyes. this seems a bit strange from a western view but it was a huge deal. mom was claiming him...claiming him as hers and showing her continued fight for his life. it was something to rejoice over.
the next few days were quite time intensive for me. i had him when i was at work but even came in when i wasn't on shift to work with mom. mom, who spoke a dialect none of our translators spoke directly, except one. mom, who had to learn to feed her baby with formula milk since her milk was dried up...how to prepare clean water and then to prepare the milk. mom, who had to learn to feed her baby on schedule rather than demand which is counter-cultural but necessary for wasti to survive. mom, who had to learn to tell time before she could learn to feed on schedule. and all of this from me to bio (our translator) to wasti's mom and then back to make sure she really understood it.
so, why did i want to know about buying a cow? well, wasti's mom shared her story with us as the days progressed. her baby was whole (at least on the outside now) so she was able to return to her village that had shunned her when her "cursed" baby was born. she was sure she could go back home but wasn't sure her husband would provide for her and the baby now. he had given each of his wives a cow and some land but, she had sold everything to care for her broken babies. (wasti's older sister had needed help with her eyes). so, how much to buy a cow to give her a chance at life, to give wasti a chance at life? 150 CFA which is around 300 US dollars. we took up a collection hoping we could do this for her. we had to tell people to stop giving! as i was doing some teaching about her going home and we gave a very small amount of money to her to get her from the port city to her village on the bus, she said no, it is too much, you have already done too much for me. (little did she know). later in the evening, several of us took her into a room away from others to give her the cow money. we showed a picture of a cow and she named it in her dialect. then we showed her the money and pointed to the cow and then to her. she was stunned and almost unwilling to hope even with the money there before her. but finally she accepted and began praising God (that surely came through despite the language barrier). and so, she went home with a baby that will be accepted and a chance at having a life.
and God let us be part of that! what an amazing and humbling experience to be part of what He is doing!
27 November 2009
happy thanksgiving, presendential dinner, etc
so, yesterday was thanksgiving day in america. not something you would think we would celebrate here on a multi-national ship in west africa. but you would be wrong. (we do attempt to celebrate many of the different cultures' holidays on the ship)
our cooks outdid themselves with limited items at their disposal. we had roast turkey with gravy, yams (they weren't yellow like at home but then oranges are green here), mashed potatoes (not real but pretty darn good anyways), wax bean casserole (decent substitution for green beans), stuffing, cranberry sauce (made with craisins and i'm not sure what else...pleasantly good) and pumpkin pie with cream for dessert. it was yummmy. i really had to work at finishing my plate but my mouth was soooo happy. =)
presendential dinner...a few weeks ago, the president of benin hosted a state dinner for the crew of the africa mercy. our founders and one of our surgeons received honors such as the equivalent of knighthood during the dinner. we all got dressed in our finest clothing and were ferried over on buses to the presedential palace, ushered in by armed guards through metal detectors, and then enjoyed a nice african dinner with the president. most of the talking was in french so i didn't understand a lot of it. my table was a fun group of people which was nice as i couldn't really see anything being at the far end of the room from the president and honorees. he had some dancers out to tell stories of benin in their native dress and dance styles which was a lot of fun to watch. and then, it was back home to the ship and to the real world of the day to day of finishing up surgeries and getting ready to sail.
etc...the last surgery was a week ago today and today the hospital closed. we said our farewells to the few remaining patients and to our many wonderful day volunteers (translators, housekeepers, deck and engineering assistants, etc) and although it was a time of rejoicing at the work that has been done this year, it was also a time of sadness and we say goodbye to people who have been part of our lives and hearts for the last 10 months. next week we will be finishing cleaning and packing up the hospital and soon we sail on to tenerife for the holiday season.
i'm sorry i haven't been good at posting lately. i'm tired and having a hard time knowing how to share the day to day of here with home. (though that is an excuse and not really a good one). i hope each of you reading this are doing well and i hope to get a chance to see you while i am home for a month in late december.
our cooks outdid themselves with limited items at their disposal. we had roast turkey with gravy, yams (they weren't yellow like at home but then oranges are green here), mashed potatoes (not real but pretty darn good anyways), wax bean casserole (decent substitution for green beans), stuffing, cranberry sauce (made with craisins and i'm not sure what else...pleasantly good) and pumpkin pie with cream for dessert. it was yummmy. i really had to work at finishing my plate but my mouth was soooo happy. =)
presendential dinner...a few weeks ago, the president of benin hosted a state dinner for the crew of the africa mercy. our founders and one of our surgeons received honors such as the equivalent of knighthood during the dinner. we all got dressed in our finest clothing and were ferried over on buses to the presedential palace, ushered in by armed guards through metal detectors, and then enjoyed a nice african dinner with the president. most of the talking was in french so i didn't understand a lot of it. my table was a fun group of people which was nice as i couldn't really see anything being at the far end of the room from the president and honorees. he had some dancers out to tell stories of benin in their native dress and dance styles which was a lot of fun to watch. and then, it was back home to the ship and to the real world of the day to day of finishing up surgeries and getting ready to sail.
etc...the last surgery was a week ago today and today the hospital closed. we said our farewells to the few remaining patients and to our many wonderful day volunteers (translators, housekeepers, deck and engineering assistants, etc) and although it was a time of rejoicing at the work that has been done this year, it was also a time of sadness and we say goodbye to people who have been part of our lives and hearts for the last 10 months. next week we will be finishing cleaning and packing up the hospital and soon we sail on to tenerife for the holiday season.
i'm sorry i haven't been good at posting lately. i'm tired and having a hard time knowing how to share the day to day of here with home. (though that is an excuse and not really a good one). i hope each of you reading this are doing well and i hope to get a chance to see you while i am home for a month in late december.
21 November 2009
bless my enemies
this was sent to my by one of my aunts several years ago and i liked it so much that i put it in a journal that is a collection of prayers and poems and quotes that i like. i was going thru it today and came across it and thought i would share it with you. i don't fully agree with every word but the heart behind it i do. i also don't think it originated with her but am unsure as to where it started.
Bless my enemies, O Lord, even as I bless them and do not curse them. Enemies have driven me into Thy embrace more than friends have. Friends have bound me to earth, enemies have loosed me from earth and have demolished all my aspirations in the world. Enemies have made me a stranger in worldly realms and an extraneous inhabitant of the world. Just as a hunted animal finds safer shelter than an unhunted animal does, so have I, persecuted by enemies, found the safest sanctuary, having ensconced myself beneath Thy tabernacle, where neither friends nor enemies can slay my soul.
Bless my enemies, O Lord, even as I bless them and do not curse them. They, rather than I have, confessed my sins to the world. They have punished me, whenever I have hesitated to punish myself. They have tormented me, whenever I have tried to flee torment. They have scolded me, whenever I have flattered myself. They have spat upon me, whenever I have filled myself with arrogance.
Bless my enemies, Lord, even as I bless them and do not curse them. Whenever I have made myself wise, they have called me foolish. Whenever I have made myself mighty, they have mocked me as though I were a dwarf. Whenever I have wanted to lead people, they have shoved me into the background. Whenever I have rushed to enrich myself, they have prevented me with an iron hand. Whenever I thought that I would sleep peacefully, they have wakened me from sleep. Whenever I have tried to build a home for a long and tranquil life, they have demolished it and driven me out. Truly, enemies have cut me loose from the world and have stretched out my hands to the hem of Thy garment.
Bless my enemies, O Lord, even as I bless them and do not curse them. Bless them and multiply them, multiply them and make them even more bitterly against me: so that my fleeing to Thee may have no return, so that all hope in men may be scattered like cobwebs, so that absolute serenity may begin to reign in my soul, so that my heart may become the grave of my two evil twins—arrogance and anger, so that I might amass all my treasures in heaven, ah, so that I may for once be freed from self deception which has entangled me in the dreadful web of illusory life. Enemies have taught me to know what hardly anyone knows, that a person has no enemies in the world escept himself. One hates hi enemies only when he fails to realze that they are not enemies, but cruel friends. It is truly difficult for me to say who has done me more good and who has done me more evil in the world: friends or enemies. Therefore bless, o Lord, both my friends and my enemies. A slave curses enemies, for he does not understand. But a son blesses them, for he understands. For a son knows that his enemies cannot touch his life. Therefore he freely steps among them and prays to God for them.
Bless my enemies, O Lord, even as I bless them and do not curse them.
if you made it to the end, you must surely be a family member or friend, please know that i love you and am so thankful for you also.
Bless my enemies, O Lord, even as I bless them and do not curse them. Enemies have driven me into Thy embrace more than friends have. Friends have bound me to earth, enemies have loosed me from earth and have demolished all my aspirations in the world. Enemies have made me a stranger in worldly realms and an extraneous inhabitant of the world. Just as a hunted animal finds safer shelter than an unhunted animal does, so have I, persecuted by enemies, found the safest sanctuary, having ensconced myself beneath Thy tabernacle, where neither friends nor enemies can slay my soul.
Bless my enemies, O Lord, even as I bless them and do not curse them. They, rather than I have, confessed my sins to the world. They have punished me, whenever I have hesitated to punish myself. They have tormented me, whenever I have tried to flee torment. They have scolded me, whenever I have flattered myself. They have spat upon me, whenever I have filled myself with arrogance.
Bless my enemies, Lord, even as I bless them and do not curse them. Whenever I have made myself wise, they have called me foolish. Whenever I have made myself mighty, they have mocked me as though I were a dwarf. Whenever I have wanted to lead people, they have shoved me into the background. Whenever I have rushed to enrich myself, they have prevented me with an iron hand. Whenever I thought that I would sleep peacefully, they have wakened me from sleep. Whenever I have tried to build a home for a long and tranquil life, they have demolished it and driven me out. Truly, enemies have cut me loose from the world and have stretched out my hands to the hem of Thy garment.
Bless my enemies, O Lord, even as I bless them and do not curse them. Bless them and multiply them, multiply them and make them even more bitterly against me: so that my fleeing to Thee may have no return, so that all hope in men may be scattered like cobwebs, so that absolute serenity may begin to reign in my soul, so that my heart may become the grave of my two evil twins—arrogance and anger, so that I might amass all my treasures in heaven, ah, so that I may for once be freed from self deception which has entangled me in the dreadful web of illusory life. Enemies have taught me to know what hardly anyone knows, that a person has no enemies in the world escept himself. One hates hi enemies only when he fails to realze that they are not enemies, but cruel friends. It is truly difficult for me to say who has done me more good and who has done me more evil in the world: friends or enemies. Therefore bless, o Lord, both my friends and my enemies. A slave curses enemies, for he does not understand. But a son blesses them, for he understands. For a son knows that his enemies cannot touch his life. Therefore he freely steps among them and prays to God for them.
Bless my enemies, O Lord, even as I bless them and do not curse them.
if you made it to the end, you must surely be a family member or friend, please know that i love you and am so thankful for you also.
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