sorrowful or singing single?

In church on Sunday, the text was from the book of Ruth. The pastor’s focus was surprisingly not on Ruth but instead on Naomi. We all like to read the “happily-ever-after” story of Ruth but often skip over Naomi.

Quick synopsis: Naomi left for Moab as part of a “we” and returned home single and childless. She called herself bitter and afflicted by the LORD. Two things I saw, the second a bit touched on by the pastor.

First is the problem of pain (as C.S. Lewis calls it). She calls herself afflicted by God. How hard it is to believe, to trust in God when presented with pain. “How can a just, merciful, loving God allow…?” Whatever the pain is…how can He allow it and still be a good God? (I have faced this question countless times in my career sometimes spoken but more often said with the eyes and the heart.) And there isn’t an easy answer—and certainly not one that someone hurting wants to hear. But often, we try to help, well-meaning, by throwing the Word of God at the one hurting and inflict more pain. How often do we hear quoted or say ourselves that even though there is pain now, “everything works for the good of those who love him” (Rom 8:28) or that “joy comes in the morning.” (Ps 30:5) There is nothing wrong with either of these verses (well the Word of God as a whole). They are both true but we must look at His Word in truth and not just what we want it to say. And sometimes, the joy takes a long time to come and sometimes our good is not an earthly good but an eternal good and we cannot see it this side of Heaven. His definition of good and ours are different most of the time. Then there is the other verse that well-meaning people often say that ends up hurting the one already hurting, “the pain must be sin related and if you will just repent, he will heal.” (II Chron 7:14) Of course this can be true. But we live in a broken and dying world and the prince of darkness currently has rule of this world and sometimes the pain is just from that, not sin. But who wants to hear any of this when we are hurting? And so we are left with the question “how can a good God allow…?”

The second thing I see is that Naomi couldn’t be satisfied in her singleness. She saw her married life and motherhood as being filled and her single life as being empty. But we aren’t supposed to find our fulfillment or satisfaction in other people or things of this world—only in God. It is easy (for me) to slip into trying to be fulfilled in others and not seek the Father. But it isn’t a true fulfillment. It is a precarious filling—a disagreement or someone not paying attention to you when you think they should or the drifting that can occur in relationships or even overwhelming the other with your “need” for them. It can all lead to dissatisfaction (as it should) because we are to be filled by Him alone. I often vascillate between being sorrowful and singing. Somedays I am content and singing in my singleness. Sometimes, I am a bit more on the sorrowful side.