here or there

today i sat down in the midships lounge with a handful of popcorn, a dr. pepper, my laptop and a list of emails i need to write. and i find myself struggling to find words to share with people who though not far from my heart are far from my day-to-day. i have been finding it easier and easier NOT to email or to only email people who have some idea what this crazy life on the ship is. i feel that i cannot adequately tell people what this life is and that if they don't understand, then why would they care about the things i try to explain about my life...and sometimes that the things here require so much setup to share that it gets lost in the telling. but then, my heart is torn...b/c i want to share my life with people at home b/c they reside in my heart despite the miles. so, today, i have managed to email 5 people, three on my list, a mix of home and people who are home but have been here. and i haven't even really tackled my list. the three i emailed on the list had emails in my inbox needing responses. easier to start there.
why am i rambling about this??? just to tell you (whoever you are that read this) if you are from "home", you are in my heart even when i can't seem to email. and i'm sorry.