"What is in a name? Very much if the wit of man could find it out."
i have been reading the "A Wrinkle in Time" series by madeleine l'engle. in the scond book, she gives one of the main characters a new job...she is a "namer" and basically a namer is someone who makes you more you...sees in you that which is lovable and calls you by name, someone who you can be yourself with but it is the yourself you often withhold from others b/c they might not understand that which is in your heart.
i have several friends and close family who i would consider namers. and their names came to mind as i read the book.
but even more, i have One who loves me with a love i truly don't comprehend. it is a beautiful, gracious, merciful, just love that overwhelms me. and in His love He has a name for me that He has called me that is just mine...b/c He is the ultimate Namer. and it will be beautiful b/c i am only really truly freely me in Him.
Revelation 2:17 " He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it."
30 September 2008
26 September 2008
tears, and fire drill fun
on monday afternoon we admitted a very sick infant to the hospital. and because my background is picu, i was asked to switch up my schedule to care for him on tuesday. i was a bit nervous caring for an icu patient here even though that is what i have been doing the last 12 years. i guess b/c there are less resources here. anyways, the baby, alieu, was looking the best he'd looked since he'd been hospitalized...moving a bit more, good heart rate and blood pressure, blood sugar that was normal. and then, he just died. he was fine and then he was just gone...it took a few minutes but he was just there and then we were disconnecting everything and handing him to mom and dad to hold. the dad couldn't believe it. the mom was blaming god (although not sure if she meant allah or God). and it broke my heart. this death hit me hard. much like the first ones i dealt with early on in my career. i always cry when a family loses their child, even if it is a release for the child. but not staying teary for a few days as i did here. and i really don't know why it was so much harder here. but it was. i do ask that you would pray for his family. alieu was a twin and team picu prayed over his brother, mustapha, before he left that he would grow healthy and strong. that his family would be able to love him without bitterness at their loss. that somehow, this would be used to touch their hearts with the love of Christ.
so, on a much less somber note, we have fire drills every other week on thursday. (lucky amy got to miss one). there is always some scenario they set up and the fire team has to get fully geared up and "fight" the fire. the rest of us have to muster on the dock, medical to the left of the gangway, everyone else to the right. for those who are taking care of patients in the ward or operating rooms, we do a head count of which crew is there, how many patients and caregivers and which patients can evacuate themselves and which ones need help. well, we had 4 patients who would need evacuation. so 8 of us volunteered to go back into the "burning" ship to rescue. gerry, our irish physical therapist, mocked us saying he didn't think we girls could evacuate someone, so we strapped him to a stretcher and evacuated him out. the aft stairs that we evacuated on are pretty much straight up so he was almost hanging by the neck strap on the way up the stair. but we did it. it did take 5 of us b/c of the angle of the stair and if the ship had really been on fire, we would have all burned up while we were trying to figure out the straps to the stretcher. next time, i'll just go for piggy backing or not volunteer to rescue =) but we all had a good laugh out of it. the first pic below is one of the muster pics. the second pic is me, juan and mandy strapping gerry in. photos courtesy of a. cassidy.
so, on a much less somber note, we have fire drills every other week on thursday. (lucky amy got to miss one). there is always some scenario they set up and the fire team has to get fully geared up and "fight" the fire. the rest of us have to muster on the dock, medical to the left of the gangway, everyone else to the right. for those who are taking care of patients in the ward or operating rooms, we do a head count of which crew is there, how many patients and caregivers and which patients can evacuate themselves and which ones need help. well, we had 4 patients who would need evacuation. so 8 of us volunteered to go back into the "burning" ship to rescue. gerry, our irish physical therapist, mocked us saying he didn't think we girls could evacuate someone, so we strapped him to a stretcher and evacuated him out. the aft stairs that we evacuated on are pretty much straight up so he was almost hanging by the neck strap on the way up the stair. but we did it. it did take 5 of us b/c of the angle of the stair and if the ship had really been on fire, we would have all burned up while we were trying to figure out the straps to the stretcher. next time, i'll just go for piggy backing or not volunteer to rescue =) but we all had a good laugh out of it. the first pic below is one of the muster pics. the second pic is me, juan and mandy strapping gerry in. photos courtesy of a. cassidy.
22 September 2008
an american in liberia or is it malta?
the world i live in is definitely unique. we have both american and liberain phone numbers to the ship. we are docked at a port in monrovia, liberia. we sail under a flag of malta. so, i am in malta and liberia simultaneously...kinda. we had a baby born on the ship (one of the patient's mothers and not expected) so though the baby is liberian and we are in port in liberia, was born in malta? crazy!
mom wanted me to write more about the day to day stuff. so, this weekend we had engine trials (similar to running a car that isn't being driven a lot to make sure things work properly). didn't really affect me much...a bit of diesel smell in the hallway near my cabin...but, my friend ben had to guard the gangway (the stairs leading into the ship from the dock) just in case it was ever unsafe and lucky him, he got drenched. he wasn't very happy about that.
a few of my friends and i walked into the city the other day to a shop. we weren't sure if it would be open being a sunday but the info bit on it in the places to go book said, "hours, daily, the guy lives there". another friend, timon, had said we were about the right height for the store...what?!?! sure, enough, there were places in the store i had to duck and a few spots where i could stand up straight. we were out a little over an hour and despite my slathering spf 50 on, i still got sunburned! we are a bit closur to the equator here i guess.
there is a manual we were supposed to read when we got here. i found out about it saturday. told the person i was chatting with i was sure we didn't have one in our cabin b/c i had just cleaned and not seen it. but i would look again. well, i looked. the only place i didn't clean was on top of the cupboard over the microwave and sure enough, there was not just one manual but three! of course, two were from the old ship but oh well, c'est la vie.
speaking of french...i have to learn it. they speak french in benin where we go next year. i barely can do spanish after 6 years of it. but i can pick it up and read it and somewhat get the context of it. french, they just don't say multiple letters in the words and there seems to be no rhyme or reason to which ones are pronounced. and it seems very flat for a "romance" language. but hopefully i'll at least get some basic bits in before next outreach.
one more thing and then my day to day...we are guarded by lok, chitra, tek and ganesh. these men are gurkha. a specially trained group in the nepalese armed forces (kinda like navy seals i'm guessing). they are great men. but, i wouldn't want to cross them for sure ;-) they guard the gangway and we have to sign on and off the ship if we are going further than the gate of the dock the ship is moored on. on sunday when i was signing out to go to the shop, lok said, "i have called the duty officer." what?!?!? i didn't do anything wrong. that was my initial statement/assumption...don't know why. but then reason took over when i realized that even if i had done something wrong, they wouldn't have waited until i decided i might like to walk into town to talk to me. and the duty officer on that day was my friend so he would have probably just found me. but, i was a bit nervous when lok first said that!
what does my day to day look like? (85% of my non-work, non-sleep hours are spent with my friend amy...in fact, another friend assumed it was her sitting next to me one day and didn't even look to see that it wasn't!)
breakfast 0630-0730.
work (we'll assume days for this. 0700-1500) lunch served from 1200-1300.
after work, a shower.
quiet time and french lesson on computer
then dinner from 1700-1830.
after dinner, out on the dock or deck 7 for some time outside.
then, hanging out doing not much of anything...internet, chatting, watching a movie, reading a book, playing games.
that's pretty much my day. i try to work out on my days off or when i work evenings or nights.
mondays i have a healthcare service devotionals at 0730, ward nurse devotionals at 1600. tuesdays are community wide meetings at 0745. thursdays i have healthcare service devos again at 0730 and thursday evening is community wide devo time at 1930. thursday evenings are the best...usually good music, a bit of teaching and ice cream to follow!
mom wanted me to write more about the day to day stuff. so, this weekend we had engine trials (similar to running a car that isn't being driven a lot to make sure things work properly). didn't really affect me much...a bit of diesel smell in the hallway near my cabin...but, my friend ben had to guard the gangway (the stairs leading into the ship from the dock) just in case it was ever unsafe and lucky him, he got drenched. he wasn't very happy about that.
a few of my friends and i walked into the city the other day to a shop. we weren't sure if it would be open being a sunday but the info bit on it in the places to go book said, "hours, daily, the guy lives there". another friend, timon, had said we were about the right height for the store...what?!?! sure, enough, there were places in the store i had to duck and a few spots where i could stand up straight. we were out a little over an hour and despite my slathering spf 50 on, i still got sunburned! we are a bit closur to the equator here i guess.
there is a manual we were supposed to read when we got here. i found out about it saturday. told the person i was chatting with i was sure we didn't have one in our cabin b/c i had just cleaned and not seen it. but i would look again. well, i looked. the only place i didn't clean was on top of the cupboard over the microwave and sure enough, there was not just one manual but three! of course, two were from the old ship but oh well, c'est la vie.
speaking of french...i have to learn it. they speak french in benin where we go next year. i barely can do spanish after 6 years of it. but i can pick it up and read it and somewhat get the context of it. french, they just don't say multiple letters in the words and there seems to be no rhyme or reason to which ones are pronounced. and it seems very flat for a "romance" language. but hopefully i'll at least get some basic bits in before next outreach.
one more thing and then my day to day...we are guarded by lok, chitra, tek and ganesh. these men are gurkha. a specially trained group in the nepalese armed forces (kinda like navy seals i'm guessing). they are great men. but, i wouldn't want to cross them for sure ;-) they guard the gangway and we have to sign on and off the ship if we are going further than the gate of the dock the ship is moored on. on sunday when i was signing out to go to the shop, lok said, "i have called the duty officer." what?!?!? i didn't do anything wrong. that was my initial statement/assumption...don't know why. but then reason took over when i realized that even if i had done something wrong, they wouldn't have waited until i decided i might like to walk into town to talk to me. and the duty officer on that day was my friend so he would have probably just found me. but, i was a bit nervous when lok first said that!
what does my day to day look like? (85% of my non-work, non-sleep hours are spent with my friend amy...in fact, another friend assumed it was her sitting next to me one day and didn't even look to see that it wasn't!)
breakfast 0630-0730.
work (we'll assume days for this. 0700-1500) lunch served from 1200-1300.
after work, a shower.
quiet time and french lesson on computer
then dinner from 1700-1830.
after dinner, out on the dock or deck 7 for some time outside.
then, hanging out doing not much of anything...internet, chatting, watching a movie, reading a book, playing games.
that's pretty much my day. i try to work out on my days off or when i work evenings or nights.
mondays i have a healthcare service devotionals at 0730, ward nurse devotionals at 1600. tuesdays are community wide meetings at 0745. thursdays i have healthcare service devos again at 0730 and thursday evening is community wide devo time at 1930. thursday evenings are the best...usually good music, a bit of teaching and ice cream to follow!
12 September 2008
maybe, part 2
from "deadline" by randy alcorn. this is a conversation between a guardian angel and the man who he guarded who died and gone to heaven at this point. instead of names, i will just say angel and man.
"I've learned a great deal since coming here to [Heaven]," said man. "I understand things so much more clearly than when I was in the other world. But there's still so much I don't yet know, so much I fail to understand."
Angel looked puzzled. "That surprises you?"
"Well, yes. It does, I always thought when we got to heaven we'd understand everything."
The angel made no attempt to hide his surprise at this statement..."Do you mean, " angel measured his next words, "that you thought you would be God?"
"Well, no. Of course not."
"Who but [God] understands everything? To expect to understand everything is to expect to be God."...
"But," man explained, "[God's] Word tells us that while on earth we saw in a mirror dimly, in heaven we would see face to face. That we used to know in part, but in heaven we would know fully...Then why is my understanding still so partial?"
"You see much more clearly, my master, because the obstacles that blurred your vision are now removed...But you do not see all there is to see... Did you not also read in [God's] Book His promise that in the coming ages He will continuously reveal to us the incomparable riches of His grace: How then could you expect to know everything there is to know? Or to know immediately everything you will one day know?...[God] is the Creator, we are the creatures, and always shall be...The Creator knows all, and all at once. The creature's knowledge is and always will be both partial and gradual. It will grow continuously throughout eternity. Every day we will understand better the greatness of our King...And while our knowldege will one day bue many times what it is now, even then we will be no closer to exhausting the riches of His person."
man..."For some reason I thought process and growth were part of the other world, and it would be different here--that everything we ever experience in heaven would be ours immediately."
"And then what?" angel asked.
"Well, then we'd just keep enjoying it forever, I suppose."
"Without the joy of discovery? With no meditation and study? No interaction with [God] or one's fellow creaures? No process of revelation and learning? No exploration...With no effort?"
"Well, yes, angel, I have to admit I did think that."
"I do not understand...cannot imagine anyone would want such a thing...To be granted the product of knowledge without this process would...circumvent the process of growth in grace and knowledge of our Lord...If we knew all...there could be no growth...If we understood all the mysteries of [God], our wonder would be focused on a knowledge that had a past but no future."
and i might add to the last sentence, our wonder would be focused on Someone that is less than everything there is. i can so see growth as part of heaven, after reading this. not wholly convinced b/c it goes against all i have ever understood but getting there. what do you think?
"I've learned a great deal since coming here to [Heaven]," said man. "I understand things so much more clearly than when I was in the other world. But there's still so much I don't yet know, so much I fail to understand."
Angel looked puzzled. "That surprises you?"
"Well, yes. It does, I always thought when we got to heaven we'd understand everything."
The angel made no attempt to hide his surprise at this statement..."Do you mean, " angel measured his next words, "that you thought you would be God?"
"Well, no. Of course not."
"Who but [God] understands everything? To expect to understand everything is to expect to be God."...
"But," man explained, "[God's] Word tells us that while on earth we saw in a mirror dimly, in heaven we would see face to face. That we used to know in part, but in heaven we would know fully...Then why is my understanding still so partial?"
"You see much more clearly, my master, because the obstacles that blurred your vision are now removed...But you do not see all there is to see... Did you not also read in [God's] Book His promise that in the coming ages He will continuously reveal to us the incomparable riches of His grace: How then could you expect to know everything there is to know? Or to know immediately everything you will one day know?...[God] is the Creator, we are the creatures, and always shall be...The Creator knows all, and all at once. The creature's knowledge is and always will be both partial and gradual. It will grow continuously throughout eternity. Every day we will understand better the greatness of our King...And while our knowldege will one day bue many times what it is now, even then we will be no closer to exhausting the riches of His person."
man..."For some reason I thought process and growth were part of the other world, and it would be different here--that everything we ever experience in heaven would be ours immediately."
"And then what?" angel asked.
"Well, then we'd just keep enjoying it forever, I suppose."
"Without the joy of discovery? With no meditation and study? No interaction with [God] or one's fellow creaures? No process of revelation and learning? No exploration...With no effort?"
"Well, yes, angel, I have to admit I did think that."
"I do not understand...cannot imagine anyone would want such a thing...To be granted the product of knowledge without this process would...circumvent the process of growth in grace and knowledge of our Lord...If we knew all...there could be no growth...If we understood all the mysteries of [God], our wonder would be focused on a knowledge that had a past but no future."
and i might add to the last sentence, our wonder would be focused on Someone that is less than everything there is. i can so see growth as part of heaven, after reading this. not wholly convinced b/c it goes against all i have ever understood but getting there. what do you think?
maybe, part 1
a few months ago, someone (and i cannot remember who it was or what the context was for the conversation) asked if i had ever thought about "growing" in Heaven...continued growing in my walk with the Father? and the answer is no. if i had thought about Heaven, i assumed all my questions would be answered, i would be complete in Him and would just spend eternity doing, well, i'm not really sure what.
a few weeks after arriving in africa, i picked up this book by randy alcorn "deadline". and here was this idea of growing in Heaven again. and i must admit that in reading this book and even in thinking a bit here and there about the conversation that i feel as if my previous thinking was a bit juvenile.
i will share some excerpts from his book in the next post but was just wondering if you (whoever you are that read this blog) have any thoughts on the subject...will we grow in Heaven?
a few weeks after arriving in africa, i picked up this book by randy alcorn "deadline". and here was this idea of growing in Heaven again. and i must admit that in reading this book and even in thinking a bit here and there about the conversation that i feel as if my previous thinking was a bit juvenile.
i will share some excerpts from his book in the next post but was just wondering if you (whoever you are that read this blog) have any thoughts on the subject...will we grow in Heaven?
far be it from me...
praying...
this is about 2 experiences with intercessory prayer.
the first is from my first visit to a church here in liberia. it is known that you should be prepared to speak when you visit...a short message or at least a prayer. i was one of 5 mercy shippers at this particular church and one was a frequent male visitor to the church. so i wasn't worried. there was a printed bulletin of order of service and as the pastor talked about the service order he changed it to be that one of "our foreign guests" will pray for liberia. as a whole the 4 others turned to me...what?!?! how did i get elected? so, i had to get up and pray for liberia at church. it isn't even that i mind praying...i like to pray, but i hate praying out loud. in my head is easy...out loud gets a bit jumbled and rambling and then i worry about it and then it gets stilted and starts coming from my head and not my heart. but i survived. and God is teaching me to pray on the spot for others, out loud!, instead of saying, i will pray for you and then doing it during my alone time with Him later.
the second is one of answered prayer. one of my regular prayers to the Father is that i will be frequently burdened to pray for my family and friends. and burden is not really the right word but it is the word that i started praying and kept praying. praying for family and friends is not a burden...generally. a while back, the Father answered this prayer very literally. i was very specifically burdened to pray for one of my friends. and b/c this was one who i had a deep connection with already, the burden felt as if it would break my heart. this burden lasted for several weeks and i felt as if i was being wrecked. finally, i prayed that He would take this burden away...and He did. it was awful! i hated the being wrecked but i hated the giving up even more. and it left a very certain void in my heart where this burden once stood. after a few days, i prayed He would return the burden and He was gracious enough to give it back, but not as it was before. i had been entrusted with something precious and then rejected it. so when it was returned, it was not to the same depth. and i felt the loss acutely. and i learned the lesson He was teaching in it as well. now, i am ready to be wrecked for my family and friends as He leads knowing He will not burden more than He can carry me thru.
I Sam 12:23 As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by failing to pray for you.
this is about 2 experiences with intercessory prayer.
the first is from my first visit to a church here in liberia. it is known that you should be prepared to speak when you visit...a short message or at least a prayer. i was one of 5 mercy shippers at this particular church and one was a frequent male visitor to the church. so i wasn't worried. there was a printed bulletin of order of service and as the pastor talked about the service order he changed it to be that one of "our foreign guests" will pray for liberia. as a whole the 4 others turned to me...what?!?! how did i get elected? so, i had to get up and pray for liberia at church. it isn't even that i mind praying...i like to pray, but i hate praying out loud. in my head is easy...out loud gets a bit jumbled and rambling and then i worry about it and then it gets stilted and starts coming from my head and not my heart. but i survived. and God is teaching me to pray on the spot for others, out loud!, instead of saying, i will pray for you and then doing it during my alone time with Him later.
the second is one of answered prayer. one of my regular prayers to the Father is that i will be frequently burdened to pray for my family and friends. and burden is not really the right word but it is the word that i started praying and kept praying. praying for family and friends is not a burden...generally. a while back, the Father answered this prayer very literally. i was very specifically burdened to pray for one of my friends. and b/c this was one who i had a deep connection with already, the burden felt as if it would break my heart. this burden lasted for several weeks and i felt as if i was being wrecked. finally, i prayed that He would take this burden away...and He did. it was awful! i hated the being wrecked but i hated the giving up even more. and it left a very certain void in my heart where this burden once stood. after a few days, i prayed He would return the burden and He was gracious enough to give it back, but not as it was before. i had been entrusted with something precious and then rejected it. so when it was returned, it was not to the same depth. and i felt the loss acutely. and i learned the lesson He was teaching in it as well. now, i am ready to be wrecked for my family and friends as He leads knowing He will not burden more than He can carry me thru.
I Sam 12:23 As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by failing to pray for you.
07 September 2008
water
so, these pictures are the ocean view from my fave spot on deck 7 and from the end of the pier we are docked on. (the third one is just for fun, one of the many shipwrecks in the port area, this one just off our bow).
i apologize for the extreme mundanity (is that a word?) of this post but wanted to put it down.
i could look at these views for hours on end. this view is one of the reasons deck 7 is my fave spot. i find the water fascinating and repulsive at the same time. both fascinated and terrified by what is in the water that i cannot see (like the rest of the shipwreck or the sea life below). here repulsed by the dirtiness of the water, at other places fascinated by its clarity. fascinated by its seeming endlessness, overwhelmed by its vastness. now, i have a "friend" (maybe acquaintance is better term) who would like to someday be out in the vastness of the ocean all alone, not able to see anyone or anything else...just for a time, not to die out there (he's not that crazy...at least i don't think) that frightens me honestly--to be alone in that vastness. enjoying the ways things reflect in the water, the way a pure image can be distorted by the smallest wave or ripple in the water. i like the sounds of water...the waves crashing on themselves or the shore, the quiet babble of brooks, the gentle tumbling sound of streams, even the gentle lapping of waves of lakes.
i can watch the waves for hours as well, at times it looks like the roiling mud pots in yosemite, at times just gentle waves lapping, and just past the land break are waves that crash and spray.
i know this isn't one of my most exciting or even fun posts but i thought i would share with you a bit about how i feel about the ocean. when we sail in december, i think my fascination and fears will be magnified (since we'll be out in the vastness a bit more than now here at the pier).
i apologize for the extreme mundanity (is that a word?) of this post but wanted to put it down.
i could look at these views for hours on end. this view is one of the reasons deck 7 is my fave spot. i find the water fascinating and repulsive at the same time. both fascinated and terrified by what is in the water that i cannot see (like the rest of the shipwreck or the sea life below). here repulsed by the dirtiness of the water, at other places fascinated by its clarity. fascinated by its seeming endlessness, overwhelmed by its vastness. now, i have a "friend" (maybe acquaintance is better term) who would like to someday be out in the vastness of the ocean all alone, not able to see anyone or anything else...just for a time, not to die out there (he's not that crazy...at least i don't think) that frightens me honestly--to be alone in that vastness. enjoying the ways things reflect in the water, the way a pure image can be distorted by the smallest wave or ripple in the water. i like the sounds of water...the waves crashing on themselves or the shore, the quiet babble of brooks, the gentle tumbling sound of streams, even the gentle lapping of waves of lakes.
i can watch the waves for hours as well, at times it looks like the roiling mud pots in yosemite, at times just gentle waves lapping, and just past the land break are waves that crash and spray.
i know this isn't one of my most exciting or even fun posts but i thought i would share with you a bit about how i feel about the ocean. when we sail in december, i think my fascination and fears will be magnified (since we'll be out in the vastness a bit more than now here at the pier).
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