tired

so i guess the best way to start an intensive training class is not being completely exhausted and yet that is exactly how i started sunday. the last few days of saying good bye and spending time with some extended family in town for my cousin's wedding were great, but the late nights and early mornings have left me tired before i even started the class.

i am so excited to be here. it seems to be so different than either of my other two classes here. (i'm not sure exactly why yet) obviously the content and classmates are different but the overall tone seems different too. not bad, just different.

it should be a good month.

i did have something specific i wanted to share as well as a catchy title but they are gone so just a quick update instead.

saying goodbyes

saying good bye is hard to do. i am torn at this time of leaving...part of me is looking ahead and anticipating africa, part of me is wanting to hold tight to family and friends.

i spent a week in lubbock with my mom, brother, sister-in-law, nephew and nieces. it was great...hugs and 'nuggle' time (as connor says it without the s) and kisses and watching the kids laugh and play and catching a movie with mom and watching an old movie with holly, finding out more about insurance than i ever knew before, getting my i's dotted and t's crossed in preparation for being gone for however long, and hearing the kids sing happy birthday, visting with some old friends. but i must confess to many tears shed as i drove back towards dallas. this was my last time to see them for a while. and i will miss them so much.

sunday was my last official day at my church home, the ridge church of carrollton. pastor jerry called me up on stage and the church prayed for me and then joey (our music pastor) and the band played a praise song that was part english, part swahili to send me off. it was great! life group that evening was full of laughter and tears as my life group prayed over me and shared words of encouragement.

i have one more small going away this week and most of my goodbyes will be said. then it is off to training on sunday. and though i go forward, i will carry each of my dear family, my beloved friends in my heart.

"less"

well, as of sunday june 15th, i am job-less and home-less! and soon to be car-less. each a scary but welcome step in my journey towards africa. i bought a plane ticket a few weeks ago and now have an official departure date for africa!!!! thursday august 7th. which means i have only 7 weeks left in this country!!!!! crazy!

so what am i up to until then??? this week and next, i am hanging with my family and saying goodbyes. then beginning saturday june 28th, i will be in east texas at the mercy ships training center for four intense weeks of training. i'll share more about what the training is in the coming days.

so many have asked me if i'm excited and there are days that i am...the day i bought the ticket, the last day of work...and more will come as i get closer. some have asked if i'm scared...briefly each time i check off one of those big to-do items (buying a ticket, quitting my job, this week will be leaving lubbock, next leaving dallas) but in general not scared. i am having some trusting the Father issues as the departure looms closure and my support is trickling in. so for any who are interested in supporting me--now is the time! click here to go to the website to donate (and remember to choose other and then put "mercyships-nb"in the other spot) . there are times as i get closer that i get choked up and the saying good bye and times when my to-do list looms larger than life. and there are times when i question not His call on my life but that He would want to use me...paul once said he was the chief of sinners but that was b/c he hadn't met me ;-) and when i fear and don't trust or get wrapped up in the getting ready to go process and forget to get wrapped up in Him, i wonder that He chose me for this time and work. but there are times when i get a glimpse of Him or His handiwork in all of this that there is such joy. and for the most part, i am happy and pressing on.

well, more later on.

its the little things

i was reading a cd cover while it uploaded into my itunes and the artist's thanks were a bit unusual..."i'm thankful for cheese in it's many wonderful forms, for the fact that when you change the laundry your fingers are perfectly damp enough from the wet clothes to easily remove the lint..." it made me think of all the little things that make me smile and that some days i forget to thank my Father for.

sights...sunsets or sunrises, a bouquet (or even better) a field of daisies, a tree lined path sprinkled with shadows, the colours blue/red/yellow and on some days orange, a sweet kiss

smells...a single rose, freshly bathed babies, rain, movie theather popcorn, a peeled orange

tastes...chocolate, cold stone cream ice cream, coca-cola, oranges,

sounds...music pretty much of any kind, childrens' laughter, hiccups--they are just funny if you really think about it, rain, a cat's purr

touch...rain, kisses and hugs, the velvet smoothness of flower petals, a cool breeze that touches your face on a hot day, the warmth of the sun

and things not so little...my family, my friends, my Father in heaven who loved me so much He gave His Son as a way to life (and He continues to chase me when i wander and pick me up when i fall and love me enough to make me new) and His Word for direction

i'm sure there are more that i would come up with but for today, this is my list...
how about you? what are the little things that make you smile?

5 weeks and counting

i have 5 weeks of work left! 15 shifts! and then a 2 week break with my fam and then a 4 1/2 week training class with mercy ships and then....

to africa!!!! i sent my check for my ticket today. it is crazy and overwhelming and exciting and scary and i can't wait! somehow buying the ticket made it all a bit more real today.

this has been a time of frustration (the waiting and being apart from family and friends) so it has also been a time of patience (not so good at that)
a time of learning to trust (in the waiting and now with the money part) some days i do well, others, not so well
a time of sadness (at saying goodbye for now)
a time of happiness (trying to cram in family and friend time as much as possible)
a time of learning (more about me, more about Jesus and this call He gave me, and so much more)

just wanted to share where i am in all this

the prodigal son

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke%2015:11-32;&version=31;

this is such a beautiful picture of God's grace and mercy and love.

almost all believers resonate with the younger son...having lived for ourselves and coming in repentance to the Father and receiving a welcome filled with mercy and love.

but we like to scoff at the older son's reaction and in doing so, we are like him as well. looking down on others whom the Father has chosen to love b/c they have not lived like us (or they don't sing the same songs we do, or dress like we do, etc)...a jonah like response, a pharisaical response. but we don't like to admit that we too can be like the pharisees.

when the younger son's thoughts turn to going home, his thoughts are yet bound in the physical (i need food, shelter)
when the father sees his coming, he goes beyond the physical and draws him into restored relationship. how like our Heavenly Father!
and we are like the son...unable to get beyond our physical need without the Father's compassionate mercy to reveal and fulfill our spiritual needs.

the father's run is a humiliating experience as he humbles himself of position and pride to reach his son...how like Christ, who left His position in heaven and took on the mantle of humanity to reach those who are lost.

we are invited into the party as was the older son. but in coming into the party, we must be willing to sit with 'sinners', to join into reconciliation and to rejoice at one who was lost but is now found. and although the father does not have to explain, he does explain his reasons for the party to his eldest. the story ends without the son's response...an open invitation to come to the party or not....

what is your choice?
somedays i am the younger son.
somedays i am the older son.
somedays i am both.

also, look at this link for the masterpiece painting of "the prodigal" by rembrandt
http://www.artchive.com/rembrandt/prodigal.html

i'm not sure if you can see the detail here but the "father's" hands are that of two different men...his left hand appears aged, larger. his right hand appears youthful, more slender. just a thought i heard once upon a time--the 'older' hand is that of God the Father, the 'younger' hand is that of God the Son.?????

waving

i've been reading a bit of robert fulghum lately. i reread "all i need to know i learned in kindergarten" and am now reading "what in the world have i done." his writings make me laugh and sometimes they make me cry.

i wish that i had the ability to write as he does. (i also wish i had the time he seems to have to ponder life) his writings are really just a collection of his random musings over the years, developed a bit and put to paper. (a blog on paper!) but his random musings move me. one of the "blogs" i read today out of "what in the world" talked about waving at a stranger who happened to be up late in the night as he was. and he finished with saying his writings were really just a way of waving to each who read them.

i wrote once in another blog that it seems almost arrogant to think that others would want to read my thoughts. although part of me still feels that way, i like this little way of welcoming you into my world, of sharing my heart with you when time and distance may separate us. my way of waving.

so, grab a cup of coffee and sit for a moment to share my world, my heart. and perhaps to share a bit of yours back.