merry Christmas

some photos of our Christmas eve and day.

Christmas eve started off quite lazily. we sat around for several hours before heading into santa cruz to have lunch and do a bit of shopping. then back to the ship in time to get dressed for Christmas eve dinner. the galley and dining room staff outdid themselves on the food and decor and all the crew looked quite nice. sadly i don't have any photos from dinner itself. we had a Christmas eve service followed by desserts and socializing in the midships lounge. then the fun begins ;) miriam, amy and i retired to our cabin to watch "a charlie brown Christmas" and "irving berlin's white Christmas" until the wee hours of the morning of Christmas day. we had a short pause while we wandered around to leave "shoe gifts". (a dutch tradition that we do on the 24th on ship and leave presents outside cabin doors in shoes and on the floor) we did startle a few other "elves" who were trying to leave their shoe gifts as well :) we finally crawled into bed at 3am and then a few short hours later it was time to get up for the start of Christmas day.

Christmas day we started by heading up to the rolland's family cabin and opening shoe gifts together while drinking hot chocolate. (italian style--thick enough to need a spoon and oh so yummy!) then off to brunch also well done by the galley and dining room. after brunch, it was seriously time for a nap given 2 nights of short sleep hours. in the afternoon back up to the rolland's cabin for a holiday movie and then time for dinner. the evening hours were spent chilling but at about 9pm we packed out 10 or so landrovers and drove in a caravan down to the main part of the harbour where the tenerife symphony orchestra performed a concert followed

by some fire works. my new favorite way to end Christmas day.

b/c everyone needs a pirate ship made from candy! our wrapping job and clue, jenny and john's faces and the ship. =)

Christmas on the AFM

by the way, AFM is the way we shorten the ship's name--Africa Mercy.

this Christmas season has been strange. i have found it quite difficult to get into and remain in "the Christmas spirit". part of this is the fact that in early december i was still playing in the water at the beach (and even now when it is decidedly cooler here in tenerife, it is still mid to upper 60s in the daytime and i can see palm trees.) part of it has been the fact that i am not home and don't have "home" coming to me (family visiting) or plans to go home during this season. part of it is the lack of bombardment of holiday stuff from the stores (due to lack of stores) and tv screen (again due to lack of tv viewing). and this one i am actually thankful for. i didn't have to start seeing Christmas decor and sales in the shops beginning before halloween was even over.

but there is a lot to do to "bring" Christmas here on the AFM. the normal community areas of the cafe/midships lounge/dining room are decorated with trees and garland and lights and ornaments. and our activities schedule is actually much more full than normal.

3rd--winter wonderland (craft booths and yummy winter treats to eat/drink)

9th--santa lucia (scandinavian holiday celebration usually on the 13th but we were sailing then.)

holiday movies on the weekends (White Christmas, The Christmas Story, Elf)

14th--cookie baking/decorating (i was a bit seasick then so i baked mine the next day)

15th--kids Christmas craft night. (adults helping kids do Christmas-y crafts and santa pics)

18th--kids Chrismtas play (written and performed by the academy students. they did a great job! it was funny and thoughtful and no mean feat for them to perform while sailing and having to do lines and maintain balance)

24th--Christmas dinner and service along with the dutch tradition of leaving gifts in shoes (although that happens on the 5th in the netherlands i think)

25th--Christmas brunch

31st--new year's eve ball and fireworks put on by the harbor

and we have had beautiful Advent services each sunday where Scriptures are read and Christmas hymns and carols are sung (although most of these are the british and not american english versions). each sunday we have a different special music offering...the first week was a song in portugese from our brazilian family, the second week was a song in the ghanian dialect by several african crew members, the third week was a song in korean and mandarin chinese by some of the asian/korean crew members, the fourth week was by some of our norwegian crew members.

below are some pics of the decor aboard. the first is a tree painted onto a glass door, the second a tree in the midships lounge, the next three are my cabin door and our next door neighbors and we combined our doors into a theme along the lines of elfyourself, the next is the cafe area and the last two are tayler and miriam in the miships stair area. not bad for a ship!

God's sense of humor

sailing (i know i still owe one about my thoughts on africa so far)
so, what does sailing have to do with God's sense of humor? well, let's see...i have motion sickness (planes, trains, cars, boats, ships) and i'm on a ship that is sailing. i also have a mild bit of claustrophobia (it has more to do with the amount of stuff in the space than the size of the space) and i'm on a ship sharing what used to be the size of my room at home with 3 other people--4 beds, 4 closets, a bathroom, a sitting area on a ship, where everything is compacted for space sake. and i have a serious fear of water that i can't see it and i'm on a ship in the middle of the ocean with nothing but water to see wherever i look.
God's sense of humor?
i enjoy the sailing apart from the motion sickness (which i did have a bout of this morning)
i like my cabin and cabin mates and even the compactness of things on the ship
i think the ocean is beautiful. watching the waves roll by, right now with white caps on the waves. the lovely colour of blue of the ocean caused by the reflection of the sky and light of the sun. the way the ship crashes down into the waves makes me smile (and a bit sick) but it is fun.

God is good...all the time. even when we don't understand.

"master and commander" and robert's port

robert's port first

we had a "dark" ship this past weekend as the main engines were off from some maintenance. so, most everyone who didn't have to be on ship went ashore. i went with a group of 10 others to a beach called robert's port. there are canvas tents on wooden platforms with 2-3 double beds in them to camp in. we drove up saturday morning and arrived right around lunch time. after a quick lunch it was down to the beach where we met up with another group of about 10 people from the ship who had camped out on the beach and into the water for a bit followed by some beach volleyball first in just a round robin style then later at the net the "resort" owner set up. this game was a bit challenging in that we had a dog who kept wanting to join and was only lured away by esther throwing the stick over and over and over for him. it was starting to get dark so we headed up for showers before dinner. we had a really nice african dinner at the restaurant there at the resort with some sparkly gear on to celebrate esther's 30th birthday! if you're going to have to be away from home in africa, celebrating on the beach is the way to go. after dinner and some dancing by a few in our group, we headed over to the meet back up with the other group and sit at a bonfire eating cake and smores and playing bonfire games. a moonlit walk on the beach and then bed. up to play again in the water for hours on sunday and then some more volleyball and showers and heading back to the ship. we arrived home tired but relaxed from the weekend. and back to a ship with power....yeah!

pics below are the inside of the tent, esther and i at her birthday dinner, breakfast group--paul/esther/karen/nina, keep away in the water, and me coming towards our tent



master and commander
we are studying the names of God in ward nurse devotionals this week. one of my 7 names to study was Master. and usually i think of this in terms of slave and master and more from the slave's point of view. but being that i am on a ship currently and the captain is also known as the master, i am seeing some new aspects of this. our captain (not sure if this is true of all captains) has made himself responsible and accountable for us. if we miss curfew, it falls on his shoulder's. and i was thinking about this in relation to our Master. He also has made Himself responsible for us and accountable to the Father for us. Cool, huh?!?! He is responsible for our keeping. that is so humbling and amazing.

and then there were none...

a bit of a morbid title i guess.

sorry it has been several weeks. next week (hopefully) will have at least 2 but hoping 3 blogs. but i did want to update you on what is going on right now. and teaser for next 3 blogs...robert's port, my thoughts and experiences on my work so far and sailing.

this last couple of weeks has been spent sending more and more patients home, closing down different parts of the hospital and saying goodbyes to nurses who are leaving and our liberian dayworkers who come in to help in various roles (ward counselors, translators, working in the deck and cleaning departments, etc). so, then there were none...we sent our last patients home and last days of work for our dayworkers on friday. it is a bit bittersweet. i am looking forward to the time "off" and holidays but i will miss my patients and dayworker friends. we will be sailing soon but before that, lots of cleaning and packing yet to do.

i know this isn't a lot of info for having been m.i.a. in the last 3 weeks, but i promise more next week.

Spreekt u Nederlands?

And the answer to that is no, I don’t speak Dutch. However, this past Sunday I rode into Monrovia with 8 Dutchies (as they call themselves) to meet up with another Hollander and her Liberian husband at their home. My friend Daniel said I was about to get a crash course in Dutch. I spent most of the ride over hearing Dutch in the background as I talked with Machiel—learning a bit more about him (like how to say his name properly) and Holland. While we were at Mabbu and Anneke’s home (Daniel’s friends) everyone mostly spoke English. When they did lapse into Dutch, Daniel was good to translate for me. Mabbu works with water sanitization and digging wells. Together they work with some of the poorest kids in the area to help them get into schools or at least keep up with learning and doing holiday celebrations for them. When we got to their home there was a roomful of children playing games, coloring and reading books. (of course this was my favorite part getting to hang out with the kids). Mabbu cooked some seriously yummy rice and stew for us. The last few minutes of our visit, we walked down to the beach and got our feet wet as we watched the sunset. (well, I got a little more than my feet wet, eh?)

To top of the trip, I was bitten by something just as we were leaving. Similar to a fire ant bite at home so guessing a cousin or such. Except that I have 9 bites on one toe, 2 on another, 1 on my instep and 3 on the outer side of my other foot. My one toe was quite red and swollen but that is subsiding as the blisters go down.

My friend Ben gave me a bit of a treat before he left to go home a few weeks ago. They needed to switch out the rescue boats to check the work he had been doing. So I got to ride in 2 of the rescue boats. The boats are on deck 7 and let down into the water by a crane. We were on the boat as it was let down and had to use the oars to make sure we didn’t hit anything as we went down. Then it was off for what was supposed to be a short trip. Two hours later, (because of some crane work on deck 8) we switched to the other boat and ran it a few minutes and then rode the boat as the crane pulled it up. It was nice to get out on the water and to go out to the landbreak . Below are a few pics from the trip…Ben steering, me steering and Trevor holding up something we found in the water…you find the strangest things in the water here!

sorrowful or singing single?

In church on Sunday, the text was from the book of Ruth. The pastor’s focus was surprisingly not on Ruth but instead on Naomi. We all like to read the “happily-ever-after” story of Ruth but often skip over Naomi.

Quick synopsis: Naomi left for Moab as part of a “we” and returned home single and childless. She called herself bitter and afflicted by the LORD. Two things I saw, the second a bit touched on by the pastor.

First is the problem of pain (as C.S. Lewis calls it). She calls herself afflicted by God. How hard it is to believe, to trust in God when presented with pain. “How can a just, merciful, loving God allow…?” Whatever the pain is…how can He allow it and still be a good God? (I have faced this question countless times in my career sometimes spoken but more often said with the eyes and the heart.) And there isn’t an easy answer—and certainly not one that someone hurting wants to hear. But often, we try to help, well-meaning, by throwing the Word of God at the one hurting and inflict more pain. How often do we hear quoted or say ourselves that even though there is pain now, “everything works for the good of those who love him” (Rom 8:28) or that “joy comes in the morning.” (Ps 30:5) There is nothing wrong with either of these verses (well the Word of God as a whole). They are both true but we must look at His Word in truth and not just what we want it to say. And sometimes, the joy takes a long time to come and sometimes our good is not an earthly good but an eternal good and we cannot see it this side of Heaven. His definition of good and ours are different most of the time. Then there is the other verse that well-meaning people often say that ends up hurting the one already hurting, “the pain must be sin related and if you will just repent, he will heal.” (II Chron 7:14) Of course this can be true. But we live in a broken and dying world and the prince of darkness currently has rule of this world and sometimes the pain is just from that, not sin. But who wants to hear any of this when we are hurting? And so we are left with the question “how can a good God allow…?”

The second thing I see is that Naomi couldn’t be satisfied in her singleness. She saw her married life and motherhood as being filled and her single life as being empty. But we aren’t supposed to find our fulfillment or satisfaction in other people or things of this world—only in God. It is easy (for me) to slip into trying to be fulfilled in others and not seek the Father. But it isn’t a true fulfillment. It is a precarious filling—a disagreement or someone not paying attention to you when you think they should or the drifting that can occur in relationships or even overwhelming the other with your “need” for them. It can all lead to dissatisfaction (as it should) because we are to be filled by Him alone. I often vascillate between being sorrowful and singing. Somedays I am content and singing in my singleness. Sometimes, I am a bit more on the sorrowful side.

church in africa

i have been to church in africa three times so far (well, if you don't include ward church services).

the first church i attended was a small church and very african. acapella music with dancing and lots of clapping. the building was just bare walls and a precariously done tin roof, wooden benches, some not looking sturdy enough to hold anyone much less the 10 people crammed onto it. we mercy shippers were given special treatment and seated up in the front next to the pastors and only 2 to a bench. the service was a couple of hours long and had several different messages as well as 4 different offering times. a couple that i went with were honored by the church since they had been recently married. i was asked to pray for the country of liberia during the prayer time. and afterwards, we were invited to eat with the church. while we had one bowl of rice and green leaf soup between 5 of us, they shared the same amount of food between quite a lot more people.

the second church i attended was probably close to 300 or 400 people and held in a "compound" and was very much like attending church at home. the building itself was very westernized, the benches were solid with backs, there was a worship band that sang praise choruses and the pastor's teaching time was limited to 30-40 minutes. there was also a slide show of announcements showing in the background. no calling on of visitors to teach or pray. no after church meal.

the third church i attended today was still very westernized but not like a church i've attended in a while. it was a baptist church and much like attending my grandfather's church. more traditionalistic. hymns only and the music as the hymns were written and not the new more praise chorus like way of singing them. very correct order of service. my friend eric would have appreciated the welcome time...i think i shook hands with almost everyone there (close to 100-150). and everyone kept singing until everyone had done their welcoming. the teaching time here as well was limited. the building was also very westernized, stained glass windows, solid benches with backs, oscillating fans for comfort. (those were standard desk units 16in across and mounted to the walls at regular intervals!)

i do appreciate the familiarity of the second two church services. but i also enjoyed experiencing african church the first time. hopefully i'll make it back before we leave liberia.

walking into tomorrow

The other night I was sitting in the floor in the doorway of my former cabin and apologized to Joy as she climbed over me. I told her I was just waiting on my friend to come back from tomorrow. What?!?! No I mean I’m waiting for her to come back from yesterday ?!?!? Seriously! I corrected one more time to I am waiting for her to come back from next door. But it got me to thinking, my friends and family at home are going on with their tomorrows and though I too am walking into tomorrow, it is not with those at home. And I felt the loss of that walking together acutely. I know I am where I am supposed to be doing what I am supposed to be doing and that people at home also are where they are supposed to be. I don’t regret that. I just hate that it means that I have to be a half a world away. And missing on the day to day things that are really treasures, not just the big days like birthdays and such. Those times when you sit down to coffee or grab lunch together just to be with those you love. That is what I am missing.

reminders

i know my last post talked about how easy it is to forget i live on a ship. these last couple of weeks i've had several reminders
--a man climbing out of a wall. and not like it was a door in the wall that i just hadn't noticed before but a panel that started about 1 1/2 feet up.
--man overboard drills. since we are at port it wasn't a full crew drill but they did let down the rescue boat to "rescue" the one overboard
--today i was sitting in the midships lounge and watching as mutliple teams of two fully kitted out in fire gear with the head covering on backwards feeling their ways across the ship, up the stairs. that took me back to the slightly panicky i can't catch my breath feeling that i had when we had to do that at gateway. once again i am happy that my being on the medical team prevents my being on the fire team. =)

these just aren't things that you see in normal life at home and although it isn't a day to day occurence here, i certainly don't think it unusual to see this stuff when it happens, it is just part of living here.

908 miles, 1461.284 kilometers

this morning i was awake shivering (yes, shivering, even in africa!) under my duvet when i heard the timbre of the engine (always a background noise) change. most of the time i don't really even notice it. b/c we are in port, it is quite easy to be unaware that i live on a ship and that my "village" isn't just contained in this 499 foot space with 8 levels. however, when things that are out of the norm, i do take a bit more notice. but, no announcement came and nothing seemed different apart from the sound so i went on with my day. it is funny to me how easy it is to forget we are on a ship. although my mind registers the ropes hanging off the deck railings, i don't really notice. or if the ropes are coiled on the deck i step over without thought if they are where i need to walk. the gentle rocking of the ship (have been told not so gentle when we sail) is pretty much unnoticeable. although, one fun thing is to sit on deck 7 when it rains and watch the rain puddle surface move port to starboard as we rock. the deck hands get a bit grimy but no more so than your average car repairman at home. so, easy to go about the day to day without realizing i live on a ship.

now, why 908 miles? we (the crew of the africa mercy) are walking to benin! no, they aren't making us walk from monrovia to benin (we will sail with teh ship) but we are walking, in teams, the miles it would take us to walk from here to there. our team has 5 members so we are "party of 5". if i were to think about how many times up and down the dock (3 = 1 miles) or to the gate and back (1 = 1 mile), it gets a bit overwhelming. instead, i'm aiming for 18-20 miles/week running or walking.

what's in a name?

"What is in a name? Very much if the wit of man could find it out."

i have been reading the "A Wrinkle in Time" series by madeleine l'engle. in the scond book, she gives one of the main characters a new job...she is a "namer" and basically a namer is someone who makes you more you...sees in you that which is lovable and calls you by name, someone who you can be yourself with but it is the yourself you often withhold from others b/c they might not understand that which is in your heart.

i have several friends and close family who i would consider namers. and their names came to mind as i read the book.

but even more, i have One who loves me with a love i truly don't comprehend. it is a beautiful, gracious, merciful, just love that overwhelms me. and in His love He has a name for me that He has called me that is just mine...b/c He is the ultimate Namer. and it will be beautiful b/c i am only really truly freely me in Him.

Revelation 2:17 " He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it."

tears, and fire drill fun

on monday afternoon we admitted a very sick infant to the hospital. and because my background is picu, i was asked to switch up my schedule to care for him on tuesday. i was a bit nervous caring for an icu patient here even though that is what i have been doing the last 12 years. i guess b/c there are less resources here. anyways, the baby, alieu, was looking the best he'd looked since he'd been hospitalized...moving a bit more, good heart rate and blood pressure, blood sugar that was normal. and then, he just died. he was fine and then he was just gone...it took a few minutes but he was just there and then we were disconnecting everything and handing him to mom and dad to hold. the dad couldn't believe it. the mom was blaming god (although not sure if she meant allah or God). and it broke my heart. this death hit me hard. much like the first ones i dealt with early on in my career. i always cry when a family loses their child, even if it is a release for the child. but not staying teary for a few days as i did here. and i really don't know why it was so much harder here. but it was. i do ask that you would pray for his family. alieu was a twin and team picu prayed over his brother, mustapha, before he left that he would grow healthy and strong. that his family would be able to love him without bitterness at their loss. that somehow, this would be used to touch their hearts with the love of Christ.

so, on a much less somber note, we have fire drills every other week on thursday. (lucky amy got to miss one). there is always some scenario they set up and the fire team has to get fully geared up and "fight" the fire. the rest of us have to muster on the dock, medical to the left of the gangway, everyone else to the right. for those who are taking care of patients in the ward or operating rooms, we do a head count of which crew is there, how many patients and caregivers and which patients can evacuate themselves and which ones need help. well, we had 4 patients who would need evacuation. so 8 of us volunteered to go back into the "burning" ship to rescue. gerry, our irish physical therapist, mocked us saying he didn't think we girls could evacuate someone, so we strapped him to a stretcher and evacuated him out. the aft stairs that we evacuated on are pretty much straight up so he was almost hanging by the neck strap on the way up the stair. but we did it. it did take 5 of us b/c of the angle of the stair and if the ship had really been on fire, we would have all burned up while we were trying to figure out the straps to the stretcher. next time, i'll just go for piggy backing or not volunteer to rescue =) but we all had a good laugh out of it. the first pic below is one of the muster pics. the second pic is me, juan and mandy strapping gerry in. photos courtesy of a. cassidy.

an american in liberia or is it malta?

the world i live in is definitely unique. we have both american and liberain phone numbers to the ship. we are docked at a port in monrovia, liberia. we sail under a flag of malta. so, i am in malta and liberia simultaneously...kinda. we had a baby born on the ship (one of the patient's mothers and not expected) so though the baby is liberian and we are in port in liberia, was born in malta? crazy!

mom wanted me to write more about the day to day stuff. so, this weekend we had engine trials (similar to running a car that isn't being driven a lot to make sure things work properly). didn't really affect me much...a bit of diesel smell in the hallway near my cabin...but, my friend ben had to guard the gangway (the stairs leading into the ship from the dock) just in case it was ever unsafe and lucky him, he got drenched. he wasn't very happy about that.

a few of my friends and i walked into the city the other day to a shop. we weren't sure if it would be open being a sunday but the info bit on it in the places to go book said, "hours, daily, the guy lives there". another friend, timon, had said we were about the right height for the store...what?!?! sure, enough, there were places in the store i had to duck and a few spots where i could stand up straight. we were out a little over an hour and despite my slathering spf 50 on, i still got sunburned! we are a bit closur to the equator here i guess.

there is a manual we were supposed to read when we got here. i found out about it saturday. told the person i was chatting with i was sure we didn't have one in our cabin b/c i had just cleaned and not seen it. but i would look again. well, i looked. the only place i didn't clean was on top of the cupboard over the microwave and sure enough, there was not just one manual but three! of course, two were from the old ship but oh well, c'est la vie.

speaking of french...i have to learn it. they speak french in benin where we go next year. i barely can do spanish after 6 years of it. but i can pick it up and read it and somewhat get the context of it. french, they just don't say multiple letters in the words and there seems to be no rhyme or reason to which ones are pronounced. and it seems very flat for a "romance" language. but hopefully i'll at least get some basic bits in before next outreach.

one more thing and then my day to day...we are guarded by lok, chitra, tek and ganesh. these men are gurkha. a specially trained group in the nepalese armed forces (kinda like navy seals i'm guessing). they are great men. but, i wouldn't want to cross them for sure ;-) they guard the gangway and we have to sign on and off the ship if we are going further than the gate of the dock the ship is moored on. on sunday when i was signing out to go to the shop, lok said, "i have called the duty officer." what?!?!? i didn't do anything wrong. that was my initial statement/assumption...don't know why. but then reason took over when i realized that even if i had done something wrong, they wouldn't have waited until i decided i might like to walk into town to talk to me. and the duty officer on that day was my friend so he would have probably just found me. but, i was a bit nervous when lok first said that!

what does my day to day look like? (85% of my non-work, non-sleep hours are spent with my friend amy...in fact, another friend assumed it was her sitting next to me one day and didn't even look to see that it wasn't!)
breakfast 0630-0730.
work (we'll assume days for this. 0700-1500) lunch served from 1200-1300.
after work, a shower.
quiet time and french lesson on computer
then dinner from 1700-1830.
after dinner, out on the dock or deck 7 for some time outside.
then, hanging out doing not much of anything...internet, chatting, watching a movie, reading a book, playing games.
that's pretty much my day. i try to work out on my days off or when i work evenings or nights.
mondays i have a healthcare service devotionals at 0730, ward nurse devotionals at 1600. tuesdays are community wide meetings at 0745. thursdays i have healthcare service devos again at 0730 and thursday evening is community wide devo time at 1930. thursday evenings are the best...usually good music, a bit of teaching and ice cream to follow!

maybe, part 2

from "deadline" by randy alcorn. this is a conversation between a guardian angel and the man who he guarded who died and gone to heaven at this point. instead of names, i will just say angel and man.


"I've learned a great deal since coming here to [Heaven]," said man. "I understand things so much more clearly than when I was in the other world. But there's still so much I don't yet know, so much I fail to understand."
Angel looked puzzled. "That surprises you?"
"Well, yes. It does, I always thought when we got to heaven we'd understand everything."
The angel made no attempt to hide his surprise at this statement..."Do you mean, " angel measured his next words, "that you thought you would be God?"
"Well, no. Of course not."
"Who but [God] understands everything? To expect to understand everything is to expect to be God."...
"But," man explained, "[God's] Word tells us that while on earth we saw in a mirror dimly, in heaven we would see face to face. That we used to know in part, but in heaven we would know fully...Then why is my understanding still so partial?"
"You see much more clearly, my master, because the obstacles that blurred your vision are now removed...But you do not see all there is to see... Did you not also read in [God's] Book His promise that in the coming ages He will continuously reveal to us the incomparable riches of His grace: How then could you expect to know everything there is to know? Or to know immediately everything you will one day know?...[God] is the Creator, we are the creatures, and always shall be...The Creator knows all, and all at once. The creature's knowledge is and always will be both partial and gradual. It will grow continuously throughout eternity. Every day we will understand better the greatness of our King...And while our knowldege will one day bue many times what it is now, even then we will be no closer to exhausting the riches of His person."
man..."For some reason I thought process and growth were part of the other world, and it would be different here--that everything we ever experience in heaven would be ours immediately."
"And then what?" angel asked.
"Well, then we'd just keep enjoying it forever, I suppose."
"Without the joy of discovery? With no meditation and study? No interaction with [God] or one's fellow creaures? No process of revelation and learning? No exploration...With no effort?"
"Well, yes, angel, I have to admit I did think that."
"I do not understand...cannot imagine anyone would want such a thing...To be granted the product of knowledge without this process would...circumvent the process of growth in grace and knowledge of our Lord...If we knew all...there could be no growth...If we understood all the mysteries of [God], our wonder would be focused on a knowledge that had a past but no future."


and i might add to the last sentence, our wonder would be focused on Someone that is less than everything there is. i can so see growth as part of heaven, after reading this. not wholly convinced b/c it goes against all i have ever understood but getting there. what do you think?

maybe, part 1

a few months ago, someone (and i cannot remember who it was or what the context was for the conversation) asked if i had ever thought about "growing" in Heaven...continued growing in my walk with the Father? and the answer is no. if i had thought about Heaven, i assumed all my questions would be answered, i would be complete in Him and would just spend eternity doing, well, i'm not really sure what.


a few weeks after arriving in africa, i picked up this book by randy alcorn "deadline". and here was this idea of growing in Heaven again. and i must admit that in reading this book and even in thinking a bit here and there about the conversation that i feel as if my previous thinking was a bit juvenile.


i will share some excerpts from his book in the next post but was just wondering if you (whoever you are that read this blog) have any thoughts on the subject...will we grow in Heaven?

far be it from me...

praying...


this is about 2 experiences with intercessory prayer.

the first is from my first visit to a church here in liberia. it is known that you should be prepared to speak when you visit...a short message or at least a prayer. i was one of 5 mercy shippers at this particular church and one was a frequent male visitor to the church. so i wasn't worried. there was a printed bulletin of order of service and as the pastor talked about the service order he changed it to be that one of "our foreign guests" will pray for liberia. as a whole the 4 others turned to me...what?!?! how did i get elected? so, i had to get up and pray for liberia at church. it isn't even that i mind praying...i like to pray, but i hate praying out loud. in my head is easy...out loud gets a bit jumbled and rambling and then i worry about it and then it gets stilted and starts coming from my head and not my heart. but i survived. and God is teaching me to pray on the spot for others, out loud!, instead of saying, i will pray for you and then doing it during my alone time with Him later.


the second is one of answered prayer. one of my regular prayers to the Father is that i will be frequently burdened to pray for my family and friends. and burden is not really the right word but it is the word that i started praying and kept praying. praying for family and friends is not a burden...generally. a while back, the Father answered this prayer very literally. i was very specifically burdened to pray for one of my friends. and b/c this was one who i had a deep connection with already, the burden felt as if it would break my heart. this burden lasted for several weeks and i felt as if i was being wrecked. finally, i prayed that He would take this burden away...and He did. it was awful! i hated the being wrecked but i hated the giving up even more. and it left a very certain void in my heart where this burden once stood. after a few days, i prayed He would return the burden and He was gracious enough to give it back, but not as it was before. i had been entrusted with something precious and then rejected it. so when it was returned, it was not to the same depth. and i felt the loss acutely. and i learned the lesson He was teaching in it as well. now, i am ready to be wrecked for my family and friends as He leads knowing He will not burden more than He can carry me thru.


I Sam 12:23 As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by failing to pray for you.

water

so, these pictures are the ocean view from my fave spot on deck 7 and from the end of the pier we are docked on. (the third one is just for fun, one of the many shipwrecks in the port area, this one just off our bow).




i apologize for the extreme mundanity (is that a word?) of this post but wanted to put it down.

i could look at these views for hours on end. this view is one of the reasons deck 7 is my fave spot. i find the water fascinating and repulsive at the same time. both fascinated and terrified by what is in the water that i cannot see (like the rest of the shipwreck or the sea life below). here repulsed by the dirtiness of the water, at other places fascinated by its clarity. fascinated by its seeming endlessness, overwhelmed by its vastness. now, i have a "friend" (maybe acquaintance is better term) who would like to someday be out in the vastness of the ocean all alone, not able to see anyone or anything else...just for a time, not to die out there (he's not that crazy...at least i don't think) that frightens me honestly--to be alone in that vastness. enjoying the ways things reflect in the water, the way a pure image can be distorted by the smallest wave or ripple in the water. i like the sounds of water...the waves crashing on themselves or the shore, the quiet babble of brooks, the gentle tumbling sound of streams, even the gentle lapping of waves of lakes.

i can watch the waves for hours as well, at times it looks like the roiling mud pots in yosemite, at times just gentle waves lapping, and just past the land break are waves that crash and spray.

i know this isn't one of my most exciting or even fun posts but i thought i would share with you a bit about how i feel about the ocean. when we sail in december, i think my fascination and fears will be magnified (since we'll be out in the vastness a bit more than now here at the pier).

my Father's name

what is in a name? depending on who you ask, much or little. however, even if you said little, your name spoken to a family member/a friend/an enemy will bring you to mind--your face, your actions. so there is much in a name.

my Father has so many names...one or several are not enough to reveal Him to His creation. He has names He has given Himself and names people attribute to Him based on His revelation of Himself to them. because He is God, He has a name for every time of your life, something you can praise Him for, something you can hold on to (per nick, a God for all seasons of life). some of my all time favorite names...Jehovah Jireh (provider), Immanuel (God with us), Redeemer, Hope, Creator, Holy, Righteous, Portion

lately, it has been 'new' names He has pressed upon my heart...
El Roi or Lahairoi--the God who sees me
the God who hears me
Jehovah Machsi--Lord my Refuge
Rescuer
Quickener

what is it about these names. i know many of you who read this will think i am in a time of distress because He is pressing these names on my heart. but i don't feel distressed or worried. but there is something about knowing that the Creator of the whole universe sees me and hears me. and deep within all of us (well at least women) is a desire to be rescued. as far as my Refuge--i don't know why this one is impressed in my heart right now but how lovely that He is my place to run to when i need to run. and Quickener--because there are times when i need quickening, prodding or else i will grow stagnant.

and a few i ran across as i was studying His name this week because of His teaching me of His names...
the Amen--He is the completion to our prayers. amen means "it is so" or "so be it" or "truly"
consolation--at first this one threw me a bit...i read it in the meaning of "consolation prize" and i wondered how you could say this about Him, as if He is the prize given to the ones who lose just because everyone deserves a prize. but after studying the meaning of this word, i see it means more that He is our solace, our comfort.

how beautiful are His names...what are some of your faves and why?

"why are you on a big ship?"

last night i talked to my nephew connor and oldest niece alyssa. connor said, "aunt nai, are you living on a big ship? but why? why are you living on a big ship?" alyssa just asked if i was on a ship yet. how do you explain to an almost 5 year old and almost 3 year old why you have moved half way across the world to live on a big ship? why you can't be there for their birthday and Christmas and why you didn't answer the phone when they called to talk to you earlier in the week?

but as to why i'm here...because Jesus led me here. it is that simple. and that difficult as well.

let me tell you about work here. for those of you at home who know what it is like to be a nurse, forget all that. yes, i give medications and take vital signs and draw blood and start iv's but beyond that, it is so different. the pace is so much slower. the focus is different. the focus isn't on getting tasks done but about building relationships with the patients and throwing the tasks in somewhere in all that. we start and end our shifts with prayer. if we take a patient to the operating room, we sit down and pray with the patient and o.r. team before they go back to surgery. a morning shift consists of early morning cares followed by morning devotionals led by our translators and counselors. it is not at all unusual for the patients/translators/counselors and us staff to sing and dance during devotionals! (i have learned some great african praise songs) then we play a Bible movie. afternoon shift starts with those who are able going out on the dock or deck 7 port side to enjoy fresh air. then we may do a craft or another movie followed by dinner and evening cares. night shift is even more slow b/c the patients are usually just recovering so not a lot of tasks to do in the middle of the night.

i cannot express well how much the atmosphere of prayer and the praise in the middle of my shift thrills me. so different from home. and i wonder how we get along at home without it.

more introductions from gateway...almost done

on the right is frankie and the pic on the left has her husband don on the far left. frankie will be serving as crew nurse on the ship and as you can see from the pic...her spirit is as lovely as her smile! don will work a bit with engineering and in medical equipment and storage area. they are both delightful and they were a balm to a bit of a sore spirit when they arrived on ship this week.


you've already met annette on the left but now meet judy on the right. she is always making faces at the camera but here is one without a funny expression. she is also a nurse and just moved in next door on the ship. she is so kind and concerned about everyone.


above are sarah and michael. they met on ship and then recently got married and headed back to the ship for long term. michael is quiet, and fierce at play and insightful if you can get him still enough to have a conversation. sarah is such a delight. she has a great sense of humor and a very loving spirit and am glad to be working with her in the ward at times.


and this is elizabeth. she is on ship in the academy teaching. she gave us lots of insight to prepare us for ship life as we went thru the gateway.

i think i have missed some so will look thru photos and list to see who is missing. for sure am missing those who work on the base but i don't seem to have any photos. maybe one more intro post.

our family on ship gets a little bigger each day as more gatewayers arrive. but still missing half our hearts. come soon friends!

welcome home...

above is the sunken ship just on the other side of our dock. then is the view from my favorite spot to sit on deck 7. and next is my favorite spot...deck 7 forward, starboard side

these photos are the midships lounge (computers and sitting area with tvs) then the only starbucks in west africa! and the cafe area just outside starbucks.

welcome to my cabin...room 4338. when you walk into the cabin, it is a hall with the two sleeping berths and sitting area and bath area coming off it. the first two pics are the two sides of my sleeping berth. the hall photo. my door and nametag and the sitting area.

and this is the M/V Africa Mercy. it is my home for the foreseeable future. from bow to stern is about 200 jogging paces. photos in order are view coming down the port road, then the stern, midship, gangway and bow.

so, welcome to my new home