basically, dolphins everywhere

so, we're still sailing. but yesterday started and ended and was filled in the middle with dolphins. at one point, the c/o (big polish guy) came on the overhead announcement and said the above "basically, dolphins everywhere". the nurses have been having morning devotional time out on the bow and the day started with a pod of dolphins racing the ship just off the bow. throughout the day we got many overheads to say dolphins here or there. and just before i headed to bed, i sat out on the catwalk off the bridge in the dark and got to see dolphins racing alongside the bow again. however, in the dark they showed up just as a streak as the phosphorescent algae churned up around them. good day really. =)
the photos are from the nurses' devo times and are taken by ali.

rest and wonder

we are sailing! and for me that means a lot of rest. there are no more patients to care for and no more quick trips into town and the fact that sleeping keeps the urge to vomit at bay ;-). (unfortunately the first 4 days of sailing meant some seasickness for me as well). this time of rest is needed. after giving and giving and giving of ourselves for the last 10 months, it is nice to have this time with lots of nothing to do to just soak in the sun and feel the winds off the ocean and just rest.

yesterday was a day of "rest" of a different sort. i didn't get much physical rest (in fact, i'm running off 2 hours of sleep right now) but it was a rest of the mind and spirit. i spent hours outside, first having a time with the Father, lunch, watching an awe-inspiring sunset, and finally, sitting on the catwalk around the bridge watching the night sky. not just any night sky, though. it was a sky filled with more stars than you can see in any city, even than i've seen when camping out. and set off by the vastness of the ocean surrounding us. to make it even better, last night there was a meteor shower. in the day, the ocean touched by the sun is such a magnificent blue, in the night, there is so much darkness except where the ship churns up the phosphorescent algae and sparkles light the waves that crash under the bow.

and all this brings me to the wonder i found here in the sail and in the time of rest and reflection on all that we've experienced these last 10 months. all that beauty that i get to enjoy here on the sail...God didn't have to create it. He could have just painted the sky blue and the ocean greenish blue and left it at that. but no, He made a million shades of blue and for fun added in the sunset which washes the sky in pinks and purples and kisses it with gold. He could have created the stars although we wouldn't really have known if He didn't...but to add in the meteor showers! phosphorescent algae...who would have known if not for the ark and the need to learn to sail the oceans? but He knew and created it for His enjoyment. more wonder still...He created us with the ability to enjoy it just as He does! He didn't have to. but He did. and as to what i've experienced these last 10 months, He didn't need me to be part of it. but He invited me to join in. how amazing is He! how wonderful!

buying a cow

i could start off with yet another apology about not keeping the blog up very well. but, instead, i will just say that right now my heart is too full and too broken and my spirit is too tired to really be able to coherently share.

my cabin mate tayler was a bit startled a few weeks ago when i asked her to ask her friend tim how much a cow would cost here in benin. what?!?!? you want to buy a cow?!?!? this led me to sharing with her wasti's story.

wasti and his mama showed up on the dock a few days before the end of surgery. wasti had a cleft lip but along with his cleft he didn't look quite right. he also had not really put on much weight since his previous visit but it was just enough that he was okay for surgery from a weight point of view. what about his not looking quite right???? well, his labwork was quite skewed and so he received a CT scan which showed holoproencephalopathy...but just a mild version. so, we told mom the risks of surgery for him. she almost said no but she had fought so hard for his life to now that she didn't give up and said yes. we were prepared for the worst...even to the point of having to make a decision to withdraw support if he ended up on a breathing machine post-op. and yet, he came through the surgery great! and on the very next day after surgery, wasti had on dark charcoal eyeliner below his eyes. this seems a bit strange from a western view but it was a huge deal. mom was claiming him...claiming him as hers and showing her continued fight for his life. it was something to rejoice over.

the next few days were quite time intensive for me. i had him when i was at work but even came in when i wasn't on shift to work with mom. mom, who spoke a dialect none of our translators spoke directly, except one. mom, who had to learn to feed her baby with formula milk since her milk was dried up...how to prepare clean water and then to prepare the milk. mom, who had to learn to feed her baby on schedule rather than demand which is counter-cultural but necessary for wasti to survive. mom, who had to learn to tell time before she could learn to feed on schedule. and all of this from me to bio (our translator) to wasti's mom and then back to make sure she really understood it.

so, why did i want to know about buying a cow? well, wasti's mom shared her story with us as the days progressed. her baby was whole (at least on the outside now) so she was able to return to her village that had shunned her when her "cursed" baby was born. she was sure she could go back home but wasn't sure her husband would provide for her and the baby now. he had given each of his wives a cow and some land but, she had sold everything to care for her broken babies. (wasti's older sister had needed help with her eyes). so, how much to buy a cow to give her a chance at life, to give wasti a chance at life? 150 CFA which is around 300 US dollars. we took up a collection hoping we could do this for her. we had to tell people to stop giving! as i was doing some teaching about her going home and we gave a very small amount of money to her to get her from the port city to her village on the bus, she said no, it is too much, you have already done too much for me. (little did she know). later in the evening, several of us took her into a room away from others to give her the cow money. we showed a picture of a cow and she named it in her dialect. then we showed her the money and pointed to the cow and then to her. she was stunned and almost unwilling to hope even with the money there before her. but finally she accepted and began praising God (that surely came through despite the language barrier). and so, she went home with a baby that will be accepted and a chance at having a life.

and God let us be part of that! what an amazing and humbling experience to be part of what He is doing!

happy thanksgiving, presendential dinner, etc

so, yesterday was thanksgiving day in america. not something you would think we would celebrate here on a multi-national ship in west africa. but you would be wrong. (we do attempt to celebrate many of the different cultures' holidays on the ship)
our cooks outdid themselves with limited items at their disposal. we had roast turkey with gravy, yams (they weren't yellow like at home but then oranges are green here), mashed potatoes (not real but pretty darn good anyways), wax bean casserole (decent substitution for green beans), stuffing, cranberry sauce (made with craisins and i'm not sure what else...pleasantly good) and pumpkin pie with cream for dessert. it was yummmy. i really had to work at finishing my plate but my mouth was soooo happy. =)

presendential dinner...a few weeks ago, the president of benin hosted a state dinner for the crew of the africa mercy. our founders and one of our surgeons received honors such as the equivalent of knighthood during the dinner. we all got dressed in our finest clothing and were ferried over on buses to the presedential palace, ushered in by armed guards through metal detectors, and then enjoyed a nice african dinner with the president. most of the talking was in french so i didn't understand a lot of it. my table was a fun group of people which was nice as i couldn't really see anything being at the far end of the room from the president and honorees. he had some dancers out to tell stories of benin in their native dress and dance styles which was a lot of fun to watch. and then, it was back home to the ship and to the real world of the day to day of finishing up surgeries and getting ready to sail.

etc...the last surgery was a week ago today and today the hospital closed. we said our farewells to the few remaining patients and to our many wonderful day volunteers (translators, housekeepers, deck and engineering assistants, etc) and although it was a time of rejoicing at the work that has been done this year, it was also a time of sadness and we say goodbye to people who have been part of our lives and hearts for the last 10 months. next week we will be finishing cleaning and packing up the hospital and soon we sail on to tenerife for the holiday season.

i'm sorry i haven't been good at posting lately. i'm tired and having a hard time knowing how to share the day to day of here with home. (though that is an excuse and not really a good one). i hope each of you reading this are doing well and i hope to get a chance to see you while i am home for a month in late december.

bless my enemies

this was sent to my by one of my aunts several years ago and i liked it so much that i put it in a journal that is a collection of prayers and poems and quotes that i like. i was going thru it today and came across it and thought i would share it with you. i don't fully agree with every word but the heart behind it i do. i also don't think it originated with her but am unsure as to where it started.

Bless my enemies, O Lord, even as I bless them and do not curse them. Enemies have driven me into Thy embrace more than friends have. Friends have bound me to earth, enemies have loosed me from earth and have demolished all my aspirations in the world. Enemies have made me a stranger in worldly realms and an extraneous inhabitant of the world. Just as a hunted animal finds safer shelter than an unhunted animal does, so have I, persecuted by enemies, found the safest sanctuary, having ensconced myself beneath Thy tabernacle, where neither friends nor enemies can slay my soul.
Bless my enemies, O Lord, even as I bless them and do not curse them. They, rather than I have, confessed my sins to the world. They have punished me, whenever I have hesitated to punish myself. They have tormented me, whenever I have tried to flee torment. They have scolded me, whenever I have flattered myself. They have spat upon me, whenever I have filled myself with arrogance.
Bless my enemies, Lord, even as I bless them and do not curse them. Whenever I have made myself wise, they have called me foolish. Whenever I have made myself mighty, they have mocked me as though I were a dwarf. Whenever I have wanted to lead people, they have shoved me into the background. Whenever I have rushed to enrich myself, they have prevented me with an iron hand. Whenever I thought that I would sleep peacefully, they have wakened me from sleep. Whenever I have tried to build a home for a long and tranquil life, they have demolished it and driven me out. Truly, enemies have cut me loose from the world and have stretched out my hands to the hem of Thy garment.
Bless my enemies, O Lord, even as I bless them and do not curse them. Bless them and multiply them, multiply them and make them even more bitterly against me: so that my fleeing to Thee may have no return, so that all hope in men may be scattered like cobwebs, so that absolute serenity may begin to reign in my soul, so that my heart may become the grave of my two evil twins—arrogance and anger, so that I might amass all my treasures in heaven, ah, so that I may for once be freed from self deception which has entangled me in the dreadful web of illusory life. Enemies have taught me to know what hardly anyone knows, that a person has no enemies in the world escept himself. One hates hi enemies only when he fails to realze that they are not enemies, but cruel friends. It is truly difficult for me to say who has done me more good and who has done me more evil in the world: friends or enemies. Therefore bless, o Lord, both my friends and my enemies. A slave curses enemies, for he does not understand. But a son blesses them, for he understands. For a son knows that his enemies cannot touch his life. Therefore he freely steps among them and prays to God for them.
Bless my enemies, O Lord, even as I bless them and do not curse them.

if you made it to the end, you must surely be a family member or friend, please know that i love you and am so thankful for you also.

here or there

today i sat down in the midships lounge with a handful of popcorn, a dr. pepper, my laptop and a list of emails i need to write. and i find myself struggling to find words to share with people who though not far from my heart are far from my day-to-day. i have been finding it easier and easier NOT to email or to only email people who have some idea what this crazy life on the ship is. i feel that i cannot adequately tell people what this life is and that if they don't understand, then why would they care about the things i try to explain about my life...and sometimes that the things here require so much setup to share that it gets lost in the telling. but then, my heart is torn...b/c i want to share my life with people at home b/c they reside in my heart despite the miles. so, today, i have managed to email 5 people, three on my list, a mix of home and people who are home but have been here. and i haven't even really tackled my list. the three i emailed on the list had emails in my inbox needing responses. easier to start there.
why am i rambling about this??? just to tell you (whoever you are that read this) if you are from "home", you are in my heart even when i can't seem to email. and i'm sorry.

"I never..."

we were playing a game called "I never" the other night. if you've never heard of "i never" here's the gist...the person in the middle is without a chair and has to come up with something that he/she has never done that other people in the circle may have done. for instance "i have never broken a bone before" and everyone that has then gets up and has to move to a new chair and hopefully the person in the middle makes it into a chair and then someone new has to come up with something "i never."

well, until the other night when we were playing this game, i could say "i have never broken a bone before". now, i can't say that. b/c i broke my toe while we were playing when someone running one way stepped on my foot as i was running the other direction...pressure + friction = pain and a broken toe. isn't it pretty?

called...

Acts 1:8 "but you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and all Judea and Samaria and to the ends of the earth."

we are all called...called to witness, called to service. it is easier sometimes to say that this person or that person is called to do God's work but this verse leaves no excuses. God doesn't give us a choice if we are His. we WILL be, not should be or could be, but WILL be His witnesses. it is up to us what kind of witness we will be. and we all have a jerusalem, judea/samaria and ends of the earth. for me, my jerusalem right now is here on the ship. my judea/samaria is west africa. and my ends of the earth, surprisingly, is home. the prayers and letters and thoughts and emails i think/send towards home. but those who are "home" have their jerusalem in their city and so on until their ends of the earth reach all the way to me and those i interact with daily. and that each of us should have some time of witness that is close and far reaching. whether it is in praying for those in the "ends of the earth" or just living Jesus in front of your neighbor. we each are called to be a witness to our jerusalem/judea/samaria/ends of the earth.

this was a life focus changing verse for me. to realize that i didn't have to be called to be His witness (although for now, i do feel called to what once was my ends of the earth) but that it is my work to be His witness wherever i am.

just a thought to share.

salsa dancing in west africa

this weekend was a ship holiday weekend meaning all non-essential activities got the day off--the academy, the OR, non-duty deck and engineering. a nice break to just enjoy the country or some down time on ship. some times on ship, it can seem as if you are drowning in time...way too much time available for not that many activities. life is not necessarily less busy than at home, you just take out the commute to wherever it is that you go to do the things you do. so, with a lot more free time, you've got to be pretty creative at amusing yourselves...card games, sock golf championships, 80's dance party on deck 8, scavenger hunts, going out on the town, movies in the international lounge, etc.

so, friday evening was another one of those how to fill the time and please let it be something different than every day stuff. so we went dancing. and now, i have been dancing on three different continents...swing/salsa/country at home, a celeidh in scotland and now, salsa dancing in west africa. it was a blast. 8 of us went from the ship (6 girls, 2 guys) and the first hour or so was lessons of basic salsa and the cha-cha. the africans who were there dancing with us had moves! and, being that the guy-girl ratio was bad, i did end up having to break my rule about only dancing with people i know. saturday was spent at one of the hotels at the pool where i developed a nose red enough to help santa at Christmas or direct shipping traffic and a nice red circle on my back that just matches the cut out circle on my swimsuit. but the day was lovely and relaxing.

the stories you don't hear

for all the stories that get told on my blog and the other mercy shippers' blogs, there are so many stories that you don't hear. some are stories of heartache. some are stories of rejoicing at healing after surgery. but the one i want to share today is yet a different kind.

i don't know the names of the people in these stories. in fact, i may or may not have met the people in these stories at screening day. and i have heard their story second hand this time. the people in these stories are the ones that didn't show up for surgery. we saw them in mid-february at screening and scheduled them for surgery. and their surgery date came and went and they didn't show. when they were contacted later to see why, "i didn't need to come any more. the (lump, bump, etc) was gone." wow! although i think there are only 2 stories i've heard so far that this is the case, it is awe-inspiring and humbling. awe-inspiring b/c the Father still is the Great Physician and humbling b/c He doesn't need us but He graciously allows us to be part of His work.

i can only imagine...

this morning i went to "beach church". now, i expected to have church on the beach but i didn't really know what to expect. i thought it would be an african gathering on the beach. instead, it was an intimate group of fellow shipmates. we sang along with worship songs off of paul's ipod and then paul shared a bit about what God had been teaching him and then we just talked about what he shared and things in our own hearts. after the "service" we wandered a bit around the beach (a few went swimming). the water was cool, the day overcast and a during part of the time, there was a gentle rain falling. hmmmm, happy, happy, walking on the beach in the rain =)

one of our songs we sang along to was mercy me's "i can only imagine". while we were singing the chorus, i did try to imagine that time of Homecoming. "surrounded by Your Glory, what will my heart feel? will i dance for You Jesus or in awe of You be still? will i stand in Your Presence or to my knees will i fall? will i sing hallelujah? will i be able to speak at all?" the Father gave me a small glimpse i think.

i get stuck on worship looking like singing sometimes even though i know it is supposed to be my whole life as worship. (it doesn't help that we call singing worship and that some of the worship pictured in Revelation is elders singing 'Holy, Holy, Holy' around the throne). i have heard people say that if this is what Heaven looks like, it sounds unspeakably dull. but my glimpse this morning was of life! not life as we understand it in the here and now...this world is but a shadow of the one to come (Heb 9) and while some things will be different like no marriage (Mt 22) some seem the same living in mansions on streets of gold (Jn 14, Rev 21). but since everything will be made new, made perfect, so, too, will worship be perfect and not the shadow and copy that we do here. it won't just look like praising in song but it will truly be LIFE as worship. like we should strive for in the here and now.

perhaps others of you see this as a "duh" post but for me, it was a new glimpse and understanding of my Father.

when push comes to shove

when push comes to shove, when i'm caught between a rock and hard place, when the other shoe drops, when the cloud has no silver lining...can i trust God? can i trust in His goodness in the "dead of night"?...and the answer is yes, but sometimes just barely. i know my last post talked about contentment in brokenness...and i am. but there are days when it there is so much piled on that it is hard to breathe. how to trust God then? and it is in the dark times that the lessons learned in the light have to be lived and held on to even when my own strength falters.

today is a day like that. my sister-in-law's (holly) sister-in-law (erin) almost died after childbirth last night. my nephew had his first visit to the ER this week. holly's dad (keegan) is in remote mexico while his family hurts and needs him to be home. and a few other dropped shoes this week that i heard about with an early morning (in texas) phone call. and all this hurts me, so far away. i can't change anything but proximity in being home but i feel torn in times like this. knowing i'm supposed to be here and mostly wanting to be here. but also desperately wanting to be there. and i have to hold on to the lessons God taught me before both in the valley and on the mountain top. but i won't lie, today it is hard. i ask for your prayers for my family (erin and bryce and baby kyah, holly and greg and the kids, bethany, keegan and terry, me) that He would comfort and heal and give strength.

but i also want to praise Him even in the darkness...to praise Him that He even thinks of us at all with thoughts of mercy and love and not just righteous vengeance which is really all we're due from His hand. to thank Him for the gift of laughter yesterday...my day that was filled with so much laughter my head hurt a bit this morning. for the delighted screams of the little girl down in the ward who sports the biggest grin. for the smile of joshua where the dimples become more pronounced when he gets that shy grin he gets sometimes. for friends who pray. for friends who will laugh with me but also for the ones who will smile with me. for the color blue. and even for the color diabetic urine yellow =) for the smell (but not the taste) of coffee. for ocean waves crashing on the shore. for a bird in flight seemingly suspended in air by absolutely nothing. and so much more. God IS good.

broken, poured out, content

an alabaster jar. unbroken, it is a pretty bit of pottery. nice enough to look at. but the true purpose of this jar is not decorative, it is filled with a beautiful scent. but the fragrance can only be released when the jar is broken and the perfume inside is spilled out, poured out. then the true beauty is revealed, the purpose is complete. it is the same with a drink offering that is spoken of in the Old Testament and again by paul in Philippians 2. the drink offering is poured over a burnt offering, spilled out.

so, what does that have to do with me or this life or anything really? i personally am incapable of being a nurse and not engaging my heart with my patients and often their families. and often it leaves me with a level of brokenness. i am reminded of this after watching another family lose a child. after my own heartrending goodbye. i have a hard job...no one should have to watch a parent lose a child. but that is what God has given to me to do. and it hurts. i imagine if the alabaster jar could feel it would not want to be broken, it would hurt just as i do. but i choose the hurt, the breaking by the Father's hands so that i fulfill what He has given me to do and my beauty is revealed. i choose being poured out for His glory.

and it reminds me of the lyrics of shane and shane's song "i want it all"
use me, break me, waste me on You, Lord
ruin me, take me, waste me on You
for to die is to live...

paul said in his letter to the philippians that he had "learned the secret of being content in any and every situation..." i wish i could really say that i am content in every situation. but i have learned contentment in brokenness.

a little less conversation...part 2

this is more for the medical people who read my blog but if you aren't medical and you read this, please don't take offense at "medical humor".

Imagine the tune of Elvis Presley's song "A little less conversation)

A little less fluid a little more ventilation please.
This VQ mismatch is making it hard to breathe.
A little more PEEP and a little less work,
A little less deep a little more support.
Give me drugs and intubate and please ventilate me,
Ventilate me.

A little less fluid a little more ventilation please.
I'm overhydrated and getting puffy.
A little more out and a little less in,
The balance line is very thin.
Catheterize, some furosemide and don't overhydrate me.

Come on, yeah, its hard to breathe now.
Help me out, please, I can't wee now.
Come on, come on.
Come on, come on.
Come on, come on.
Don't procrastinate, don't hesitate,
Just ventilate me.

hubert update

hubert went home to Jesus this morning--it was a gentle, peaceful leaving. my prayers (many others' prayers) for his healing were answered--just not in the way our minds and hearts cry out for. his healing was eternal and not temporal. but he leaves behind a mother who just last week was finally beginning to believe her child could live and allowing her mother's heart to show towards him and now she leaves with empty arms and a broken heart. he leaves behind a father who was often absent during his hospital stay but who made it in time to say goodbye. he leaves behind a big sister who already viewed the world through eyes much older than her 3 years, a sister who didn't really understand all the fuss and bustle around hubert but knew that the lack of it meant something worse. he leaves behind other lives who were touched by him, who rejoiced in his gaining weight and worried over his fevers and loved him.

his leaving touches so many. most of our ward translators and counselors do not have formal training or medical knowledge and yet they are vital to this work. we ask them to speak harsh things to families or patients. we ask them to walk a bit against their own culture to say these things. in western medicine, we constantly inform patients and families of what is going on and teach them it is their right and even "job" to learn about the illness and treatment options and plans etc. here, the harsh truths are spoken to a family member (usually male) and later relayed to the mother in very general terms. in fact, my translator last night asked if i really wanted him to tell the mother directly such a harsh, hurtful truth. she had asked, so i told her as gently as possible, but in her culture the natural "softening" of a male relative was missing last night. one of our other translators asked me what and how i prayed for hubert. she voiced the age old question in different terms of "if God is good, then why?" and the answers looked at thru our eyes are insufficient, not good. and we have to ask that we can hopefully glimpse it thru the Father's eyes and trust that He really is Sovereign and Love and Comfort.

so i ask for you who read this to please continue to pray, no longer for hubert's healing, that is complete, but for those he left behind that they would be comforted.

a little less conversation...

Hubert, a 9 month old, is almost lost in the adult bed behind me in the ICU. He is so small--both in weight and stature from his malnourishment. The malnourishment came from feeding difficulties due to his cleft lip and palate. And the malnourishment has given him little chance to fight whatever illness (virus or bacteria...we don't know yet) that is currently attacking him. His lungs have suffered and this morning he was placed on the ventilator. His lungs are already stiff and the smallest parts of his lungs want to close and not reopen. This makes it hard to breathe for him. Also, because his body is so sick, his veins are "leaky" and the fluid we give him is apt to go outside the veins and arteries into areas it doesn't belong (like the lungs) which also makes it hard to breathe for him. He is quite ill...even if we had all of "western" medicine at our fingertips, he still faces a huge battle. But GOD is Sovereign and He holds Hubert in His hands. Pray for Hubert's healing. Pray for mom who is watching her child be so ill and big sister Pauline who at 3 years old doesn't really understand what the fuss is. Pray for the medical staff...that His touch may be in our hands, that His wisdom may be in our minds, that His words may be in our mouths as we care for Hubert and his family.

There is a good reason for the title of the post, but it is too frivolous for tonight. Tonight I just ask for prayer.

T.I.A. -- happy one year

so, i have been in africa for one year as of last saturday. it is hard to believe at times that it has been a year and it is also at times hard to believe that it has only been a year. i have enjoyed my year. i have struggled in my year. i have matured in my year. i have also dissolved into silliness in my year. i have developed friendships that will last a lifetime and worked to maintain friendships with those far away. i have said goodbye to more people than i ever thought possible in one year. and i have uttered the phrase "T.I.A." countless times.

this phrase is from the movie "blood diamond" and dicaprio's character says this at one point. the person he speaks it to is a novice at the ways of africa and needs a bit more explanation. "This Is Africa". it is said to explain the things we see or hear or (even do?) that are different b/c we are in africa and that is the african way. sometimes we say it derisively, sometimes jestingly, sometimes in acceptance but regardless, there are things that you just say "T.I.A." and go on. below are some of those things.

zemijohns: these are motorcycles or at times little more than a dirt bike that are used as taxis here in benin. they are used to carry home your shopping or your tools to work or the entire family...oh, i can see you shaking your heads thinking i am exaggerating...but no. it is true...see the pics above. and you shake your head and say "T.I.A."

window shopping: this has a slightly different look here in africa. at home window shopping means 'i'm just looking'. here, it means look out the window of the landrover for whatever you might need going by your window carefully balanced atop someone's head. here is a short list of the things you might buy from your window or see perched on someone's head for sale: cell phones and chargers, teapot, iron, food, clothing, fabric to make clothing, guitars, clocks, gum and candy. and i know, you are still thinking i am exaggerating but it is true...look at the pics. and you shake your head and say "T.I.A."

there is an interesting double standard here that falls under the umbrella of "T.I.A."-->it is considered offensive for my bra strap to be showing or for the small of my back to be exposed or my knees to be uncovered. BUT, i have seen people wandering around in random states of undress...the fishermen strip to their skin only as the boats come into harbor, rinse off and dress in other clothes. women wander around topless. children may have a shirt on and nothing else. but don't dare show your knees! "T.I.A."

and my final "T.I.A." for the day. yesterday, i was in the market buying fabric for a skirt. one of the ladies sitting in her booth reached over and patted my fat and said (in french or fon) "you are FAT!"--i said thank you and moved on. it is meant as a compliment here. it means i am rich enough to always have food. but my poor western mind cannot see the compliment in it and would instead feel the taunts of children at home except for that helpful little phrase..."This Is Africa!!!!!!!"

swiss chocolate part 2

last of the "owed" posts! woohoo!

so, on my sunday in my short trip to switzerland, i went down to the lugano area to the lakes. i rode trains and buses through some beautiful areas all surrounded by the swiss alps. the mountains rose up beside the roadway (except when the roadway was in a tunnel cut through the mountain) lush and green as if God had experimented with how many different shades of green He could make. an occasional waterfall surprised as melting snow traveled its way down the mountainsides. the lushness gave way further up the mountains to barren rock and finally to snow capped tops. it was breathtaking. and throughout the journey were small colorful villages tucked into the bases of the mountains. no neighborhood associations that require the rooftops to all have uniform shingles or a bland color palette to choose from when painting the outsides of cookie cutter homes. there was color everywhere...from the primary outside color to the shutters surrounding the windows to the flower boxes overflowing with flowers at the windows to the shingles, each home different than the next. it was so pleasing to my eyes.

as i travelled, the language of the announcements changed from swiss german (or perhaps the announcements where in "high" german) to italian...two of the four official languages in switzerland. i arrived to lugano and found my way down to the lake. there was a beautiful garden wandering alongside one part of the lake and i enjoyed wandering through it. peeking in windows of shops closed because it was sunday! (gasp...what a concept!) and just relaxing. that evening for dinner i enjoyed a pizza and a glass of vino (b/c those things translate quite easily as far as this non-italian speaker is concerned). the pizza was quite yummy, the wine so-so, and the dinner a bit lonely as no one around spoke english. that night there was a terrific thunderstorm with frequent rolls of thunder as lightning flashed all about. and that was my day in lugano.

pictures above are the lake, a sidewalk chess game and one of the flowers in the garden.

swiss chocolate part 1

ok, my final "owed" post about my time in swizterland. but i'm splitting it into two parts so really i kind of owe one more ;-) hehe

i arrived to zurich on 4 july and stood for a few minutes in the airport waiting for timon's train to arrive (yes, in the airport for a train...it was across the building). while i was standing there i worried if i would recognize him. it had been several months since i had seen him. and i worried about how we would get on (again b/c of the several months since i had seen him). but then he walked up and of course i knew him and i quit worrying b/c i was in swizterland! with timon! we pretty much straight away got back on a train going back the way he just travelled to "pick me up" from the airport. since we were conversing in english (as i don't speak swiss german) we were marked as tourists which was fine for me but i think t. was a bit annoyed by being marked as a tourist in his own country. when in fact, he was just being a good host and not speaking to his visitor in a language she didn't understand. i spent the first half hour on the train just revelling in being with my friend again and then realized here was this beautiful country passing by in the windows and i hadn't even been looking!

timon's town is surrounded on three sides by the swiss alps. and they are breathtaking. i would like to see them some day in the winter when more than the peaks are covered in snow. after we went to his home so i could drop off my stuff and meet his parents (delightful people and obviously the reason timon turned out so well) we met up with t's best friend, phillip, and a friend of phillip's, chris (who is also from texas) and went to a castle that is visible from timon's home. the plan had been to take the cable car to the top of the mountain but the clouds were obscuring the mountain tops. the castle was not a large one and it still had a village attached...inhabitants approximately 15. the boys were quite intrigued by the large collection of guns and swords. (boys will be boys after all). there was even a wedding in the courtyard with people dressed in traditional swiss outfits.

after the castle, we sat in the sun (and i didn't burn despite the high altitude so it must be the african sun itself) eating ice cream. there is something to be said for living in a town instead of a huge city...many people waved a greeting as they drove or walked by, knowing either phillip or timon or both. after this, we headed back to t's house where his mom had prepared racletta for us (a traditional swiss meal consisting of potatoes with melted cheese poured over it...and that doesn't really describe it well...they have a little grill thing that is just for melting the cheese...just go to switzerland and try it sometime! grin). it was quite yummy. afterwards, we went for a walk in the dusk/dark and i wished i had had my camera b/c the moon was rising over the castle as we walked and it was quite beautiful.

skip sunday there b/c i headed down to lugano to visit while timon's church held a youth day. (i haven't been youth in a while and also, it would have been mean to expect him to entertain me and speak english when everyone else was speaking swiss german and new visitors to the church, etc). my day in lugano will be part 2

so, monday back with timon and we just hung out at his home. by monday, the awkwardness of silence between friends who haven't spent time together in a while was gone. there were moments of comfortable silence and lots of fun chatter as well. in fact, we got so caught up in chatter that i missed my bus to the train to take me to richterswil where i was going to be spending the night. his friend phillip graciously lent his car so timon could take me to the train and there we had a very long and a bit awkward goodbye. since it was a rushed affair to get to the train, we said goodbye and i got on the train but then the train didn't leave for several more minutes so we were just there looking at each other and occasionally waving goodbye and grinning. it finally got so silly i opened the door and said this is a very long awkward goodbye and you should just go. he agreed and i watched him walk away even as the train started moving. sad.

pictures are of me with timon and phillip in his home, the table set-up for racletta (note the spoon/spatula things by each plate which held the cheese that went into the grill to be melted then poured over the potatoes) and a clock spire and town shot of the town where t. lives.

sock golf

another "owed" post.

although we are quite blessed with what we have available to us on the ship (running/clean water, a roof over our heads, internet, good food, etc) we do have a few things that we have given up (apart from families and friends and homes) to come here. things like movie theaters or golf courses or well, you get the idea. and we also have to come up with ways to entertain ourselves here b/c there is only so much you can do in the city and on the ship.

well, thanks to whoever thought of it but justin and lorah for setting it up, we played a full 18 hole course of sock golf on sam's birthday in late june. WHAT is sock golf you ask??? sock golf is a game of golf played with a "tee" (a piece of paper saying tee box here for hole 1) and a "ball" (a rolled up pair of socks) and a "hole" (another piece of paper that you must tag with your "ball"). this doesn't sound very exciting i'm sure but give it a second. hole 1 started on the half stair between decks 5 and 6 and the hole was across the midships lounge on the wall on deck 6. hole 2 required you to go around and then down a set of stairs. one hole you had to hit the soda machine from a deck above. several went up and down and around flights taking us literally all over decks 3-7. some were just long holes down full length corridors.

honestly...i have no talent at sporty stuff and really, this didn't in the least sound fun before we started (i only did it for my dear friend sam). but it was amazingly fun. i didn't have a great score b/c i have zero hand-eye coordination but it was fun.

the pics are: my golfing party miriam, justin, sarah and i. justin action shot tucked up on the ledge. sarah action shot down the stair. and sam the birthday boy and winner.

doctors bligoni and edoh

another "owed" post

a few weeks before my vacation, "d" ward became the pediatric ward. we had two little boys side by side who both had the same procedure, one a few days after the other. although they were a couple of years apart in age, they were similar in stature. and they both had beautiful smiles (no photos of them, sorry). so, one day to keep bligoni still during ward devotionals, i handed him my stethoscope. he was so excited and kept trying to hear everything (heart, knees, arms) but edoh was very jealous of this attention. so i grabbed a free stethoscope for him. one of the other nurses came over after devos were complete and said, "doctor, i need your help" and they were thrilled that they were now doctors. so, we made them fake ID badges, put one glove on each of them, hung the stethescopes round their necks like real doctors and they carried their catheters in the other hand and went round examining the other patients and nurses. it was so cute to see. and days like that make the sad days a bit easier to bear.

i am including a picture of one of my favorite kiddoes this year, julienne. he came in with a tumor that had made his face look as if it had melted and although his face isn't perfect now, it is better after the tumor was removed. he was such a snuggle bug while he was here.

spicy ladies

ok, one of my "owed" posts.

we recently had a group of very "spicy" ladies aboard the ship as patients. they were ladies with a vesico-vaginal fistula (or vvf). in their homes, families, culture--they were outcasts. they had all come from up north and spent a week or two together in the hospitality center bonding. they, in essence, became each others' families. and, they were introduced to these strange yovos (white people) who live on a ship and seemed to love and care for them despite the language barrier and the fact that they were "wet" (or constantly leaking urine).

we've had fistula patients aboard the ship before. but this group, probably b/c of their bonding time in the hospitality center, were especially spicy. each victory of someone being "dry" or defeat of someone going to the ICU was experienced by the whole group. they cheered each other on during pelvic floor exercises. one of the ladies, ramatu, who later came on as a day volunteer, would lead them up and down the corridor marching and singing a military chant as they got their daily exercise. it was good to see them marching (literally) single file up the corridor chanting a freedom song each carrying their catheter.

when the ladies are "dry" we hold a ceremony called a dress ceremony on the ship for them. they are each given a new dress and have makeup done and hair done (ususally though their newly done hair hides under the elaborate headdress) and come in to the ward singing and they are able to share their stories and they are prayed over and given a few small gifts that speak to the healing and newness that they have in their physical bodies but can also experience in their spiritual bodies.

this group of ladies added their own touch to the dress ceremonies. even those who were still recovering from surgery and weren't leaving the ship dry "dressed" for the ceremony. they would have a shower and put on a clean gown. and then used their towels to create a headdress.

so, the "spicy" comes from taylor who calls people with that extra verve spicy and these ladies were definitely spicy. it was great having them on the ship. they radiated joy.

prayer please!

please pray for my mom...she's in the emergency room with low blood pressure, slurred speech and shortness of breath. thanks.

back on the ship

so, everyone always asks how your trip was when you get back from vacation...it was great and active but not necessarily anyone but me would enjoy.

friday--hung out with my dad and linda, got a pedicure, a couple of aunts/uncles and a cousin came over for dinner.
saturday--to lubbock. went to see star trek with holly. hung out with the family.
sunday--went to see transformers 2 with greg. hung out with the family.
monday--doctor's appt with mom, hung out with the family, went to connor's tball practice, went to greg's basketball game. em and janet drove in from roswell to hang out for a couple of hours (i am soooo blessed to have such great friends!)
tuesday--errands (now i remember one of the things i hate about living at home), hanging out with mom, connor's tball game.
wednesday--watching swimming lessons for connor and alyssa, lunch with melissa/rachel/linda (high school friends), hanging out with the family...CHICKEN FRIED STEAK!!!
thursday--another doctor's appt with mom, a little bit more time with the fam and then back to dallas. dinner with dad, linda and kelly.
friday--to walmart to buy a new bag because my luggage developed a hole and repack in the parking lot before getting on a plane for much too long.
saturday--arrive to paris, fly to zurich...timon waiting for me at the airport! (more about switzerland in its own post)

so, jam packed time at home. doing things that were wonderful to me but maybe not anyone else's ideal vacation. i came back not much more physically rested but i am more emotionally recharged. it was good to see family and a few friends. 11 months is too long to go without seeing them.

i have experienced a bit of culture shock going both directions...mostly price and abundance in the u.s. and switzerland. getting on the plane to come back to africa...the fact that africans don't have personal space so if they are hanging over into my seat, no big deal, right? and the everyone wants to be your friend as soon as you land in africa. but i'm back and ready to jump into work tomorrow.

hmmm, is it bad that i am now up to 4 IOU posts??? coming soon! and i'll try to add some pics of me with the kids when holly sends them to me.

to boldly go...

today i made it to lubbock to visit my brother, sister in law, mom, nephew and nieces. on the plane, i saw something that is definitely welcome to texas. a man used the overhead storage space to place his cowboy hat--it was his only carryon :D hehe.

connor, alyssa and greg greeted me at the airport and we headed back to the house where holly, mom, kylee and ashlynn waited. oh so good to get hugs from the family. i have missed them. the twins didn't take too long to warm up to this unknown person. they have heard my name and voice but they were really too young to remember me from a year ago.

holly and i went to see star trek and i will own this when it comes out. it was brilliant! and a great choice for my first movie being back in the u.s. i think greg and i will catch transformers 2 while i'm here as well.

no huge plans for the next few days so i won't do a daily post. just hanging out with the family as much as possible until i have to head back to the other side of the world.

coming attractions and word association

coming soon...posts about doctors bligoni and edoh, spicy ladies and sock golf

today was a quiet day. i ran some errands with dad and was treated to a pedicure by my stepmom. one of my cousins with husband and kids and two of my uncles and aunts came over and we just had an enjoyable time hanging out tonight. my dad and uncle ken were on a serious roll with memories of younger years. but, i do wonder what one might think if they could hear how this story sparked a completely seemingly unrelated story...it was quite random word association.

i am feeling a bit jetlagged tonight so i kept getting lost in the reminiscing (it takes energy to follow old stories) but it was good to just be sitting in my dad's house surrounded by family.

highlights of today (and last night)--i slept in a queen size bed (at least 2 1/2 times the size of my bunk) in a room all by myself. i took a shower with the water running for the full time and not on/off/on/off. family! blue bell vanilla ice cream and root beer floats. portobello mushroom ravioli. being spoiled by my family.

tomorrow i am headed to lubbock to see mom, greg, holly and the kids...yeah...more family!!!!!

vacation (or not)

so, i'm on holiday. i left benin at 2305 (that is 11pm for those who don't do military time)on wednesday 24 june. i arrived into dfw en route to lubbock at 2130 (9:30pm)on thursday 25 june after 20 hours on a plane and lots of hours in airports. but i am on u.s. soil.

i flew into paris from benin with 2 other mercy shippers but we weren't seated together and we quickly had to say goodbyes the next morning as we went off to claim luggage or make connections. after i made it back thru security and was seated in my terminal waiting area, i was quite surprised to get a tap on my shoulder and the question "did you think you would run into anyone you knew here?" and there was a mercy shipper who had departed a few days before but done a 3 day switzerland trip with his parents before heading home (and thanks to them i have some swiss francs in my pocket for the return trip). the funny thing is after having lived with mostly the same people for at least the last 6 months and some the last 11 months, i kept seeing my friends faces in the airport b/c this person had a hair style like jessie or this one had the same build as daniel or this one had the same profile as miriam. and then i would remember...they are in benin, you are in paris...it isn't them.

i met two interesting guys in the paris layover...they had been with the imb doing a short term mission trip in burkina fossa which is one of the countries that borders benin. i knew the verse on the back of their shirts was definitely an african dialect, i just didn't know which one. we had a lovely conversation for about 45 minutes and i've got some new people to pray for. they also just had a medical team head to the same village they just left to do some basic medical stuff so if you read this, pray for that team.

flight from paris to philly...pretty uneventful. apparently there was some pretty decent turbulence but i slept thru it. i was quite happy to see u.s. soil and everything in english so i didn't have to think in another language.

flight from philly to dallas i heard something i've always dreaded and what is for me the second worst thing i could hear on a flight..."are there any medical personnel aboard?" i hoped never to hear it. i did tonight. it was awkward trying to care for someone while standing in the aisle and they are in their seat. but i was pleasantly surprised at what was available in the emergency kit they flight attendants gave us. the gentleman recovered fairly quickly and we were able to just continue the flight and not have to reroute.

and then, i was at the airport hugging my dad and riding along familiar roads and coming into one of the two houses that are "home" to me. and i get to sleep by myself in a room in a queen size bed and take a long hot shower in the morning. happy, happy, happy!!!

and now to bed.

34

no, i didn't mis-type...not 24 but 34 aka the 5th anniversary of my 29th birthday!!! hehehe

my birthday celebrations began on sunday evening when a handful of friends and i went out to eat at one of the local thai restaurants. as it is one of my favorite foods and i haven't had it in about a year it was a well appreciated dinner. lots of food and laughter...a good time all around. i always feel a bit schizophrenic during larger groups because i want to be part of all that is going on so i catch bits and pieces of all the conversations.
on monday afternoon after work, i spent a couple of hours baking for my own birthday. i decided if i was going to have to work on my birthday that i would have everyone celebrate with me. so i baked enough for the nurses, translators and patients who were allowed to eat so that everyone was part of my day.
the big day on tuesday. i took the brownies to work and handed them out...fun for me, a surprise for everyone else that i was giving THEM food on MY birthday. i had happy birthday sung in english and french and/or fon. nice! and olivia told me a couple of lines out of the chinese birthday wish. a very international birthday. because i had every intention of avoiding the dining room during the day (they ring a bell on your birthday and the 400-ish crew all sing happy birthday) i had dinner outside on deck 7 with the "family" as my closest friends here are known. and then games to finish off the evening. it was a good day.

i'll try to put up some pics later on

praying with one eye open

this is a conversation had at some point on a mercy ship by a nurse and a patient...i read about it the other day and couldn't keep from laughing.

patient: are you married?
nurse: no
patient: how old are you?
nurse: 26
patient: do you pray about it?
nurse: yes
patient: do you pray with your eyes closed?
nurse: yes
patient: maybe you should pray with one eye open so you won't miss him when he walks by!

great perspective =) hehehe

heartache

warning...this post is a grim reminder of the sinful, fallen, broken world in which we live.

the first time i saw baby "o" he was emaciated and lethargic. we weren't sure if he would live through the weekend. and yet, he was a hungry baby and as soon as we started feeding him, he perked up and ate as well as he could. he came to us with a cleft lip and palate and because of the feeding difficulties these cause, he was literally starving. his mom's milk had dried up because he didn't eat well. so, he came to us for a few weeks here on the ship. as he was growing slowly but nicely on a feeding program, we sent him to the hospitality center to feed and grow until he would reach a weight of 3 kg (6.6 lbs) so he could have his lip repaired. (the palate repair would come a few months later). soon, it was time for his first surgery. baby "o" didn't seem to know what to do with his "new" lip at first but quickly adapted and started putting on weight even more rapidly. and so baby "o" and mom went home until it was time to return for the palate repair.

today, we received news from the local hospital that baby "o" had passed away...that he had literally been starved to death. medical illnesses are often viewed as a curse here. and though now baby "o" looked more normal, his village still viewed him as cursed. and mom had no support apart from the social worker at the local hospital. and so she stopped coming for formula and stopped feeding him and he died...an innocent baby, not cursed but with a common birth defect that is so easily repaired.

i have to be honest, i don't understand. it is a terrible thing that happened in this broken world we live in. but i am not despairing...i know WHO wins!!! and it is NOT the prince of this world. though he wins some battles, he will ultimately lose to the God of all creation, the God of the universe. and He will one day remake this broken world and there will be no more tears and no more heartache. and it is not mine to sit back idly and just wait...i am to fight on my knees and thru His love and by His grace.

where are we?

joshua farrell came to visit our cabin today for a few minutes. he is a most adorable toddler who wants to know why? what? and where? (usually over and over). we have a large map of africa with all the countries marked in different colours on the wall. he asked what? i told him it was a map of africa. why? not really sure how to answer that one. but i pointed out where we were (benin). a few why/where/what questions later he pointed to benin and said something along the lines of this is where i am. brilliant. =)

enter, uncle sam. let's have some of the same conversation again for his sake. uncle sam asked, joshua, where are we?

on a ship! amy and i cracked up and joshua grinned although i'm not sure he understood why it was so funny to us but hilarious.

surprised by pain

there is a book called "the problem of pain" by c.s. lewis. it talks about how hard a time people have believing in a good loving gracious God when there is pain and tragedy in the world. it is a great book. i highly recommend it.
we are currently doing pediatric orthopedic surgeries on board. there is a period about 4-6 hours after anesthesia where the kids "wake up" in extreme pain. they have already been physically awake but then they are "surprised" by this emerging pain. now, we as medical professionals expect this emergence of pain. it is a hard surgery. but in order to fix what was wrong, pain will be involved. so if we expect that there will be pain when fixing something physically wrong, why are we surprised by pain when fixing something spiritually wrong? why are we surprised by pain being in this world broken by our sins? why are we surprised when God's Word says in this world we will have trouble?
i don't know why we are surprised by pain. and i say we b/c even with my understanding of this today it doesn't mean that i won't be surprised by some pain tomorrow.
the only thing to do is to take heart and hope in what else the Word says..."take heart, I have overcome the world!"

ripples in the pond

a few nights ago at community meeting, someone spoke about how we are changing the life of a patient thru their surgery. but it is so much more. a child with a cleft lip or palate is repaired which allows them to gain nutrition and to look "normal" so they no longer feel the ostracism of being different. but their family also has a stigma removed. and if spirits were involved then satan loses ground! but where did the original ripple start...obviously with the loving heart of the Father as He tossed a boulder in the water. was the first ripple the person who cared for the patient (doctors, nurses, anesthetists)? or perhaps the people at home who support those caring for the patient by prayer and finances? or maybe the heart of a child in a vacation Bible school somewhere who heard about the people needing help and prayed that God will send someone to help? all these ripples leading to changed lives which also continue to ripple out into forever.

there is power!

would you be free from your burden of sin? there's power in the blood, power in the blood!

the best part of working evening shift is impromptu worship sessions and the prayer time done by the ward counselors. tonight the counselors came in singing "there's power in the blood" in fon (a local dialect) and i sang along in english and a fellow nurse noomi sang along in swedish. how awesome is it that #1, i can worship at work? and #2 it is a taste of what heaven may be like...all tribes and tongues and nations bowing at His feet in worship singing holy, holy, holy!

a confession

i pretty much will read anything. i like classic novels, espionage thrillers, fantasy and the occasional sci-fi, murder mysteries, poetry, children's books like nancy drew and the boxcar kid series, teaching books by authors like cs lewis and andrew murray, the rare biography. but, i have a confession to make...a deep dark secret...i also like to read chick lite (romance fluff)! gasp! i don't think they are at all realistic. but they don't take any thought to read and sometime i just want to imagine a happily ever after.

so, why am i talking about this? well, because every so often the authors of Christian chick lite will put in a nugget of truth that is something i've never thought before or a new way to think about something.

from a book "Besides, I have to admit, you make a man wonder--will he be enough for you if you're not enough for yourself?"

this was one of those nuggets that i set the book aside and let my mind wander with. it seems ok, but a bit off. i would rather it say "if God is not enough for me, will a man be? can my family be? can my friends be? can my job be (this one i don't struggle with! grin) can how i spend my time be?" if I don't allow God to fill me and consume me then all these other things that cannot or should not will be given the chance to fill and consume me. and that burden applied to people will destroy the relationship. it is too much a burder for a person to try to fill God's place in a heart. and that burden given over to things will pervert that also--workaholic, addictive behaviors, or frantically trying to fill our time with deeds--it is not something that things can do, it is God's place.

april newsletter

April 2009

Dear Family and Friends,

Well, we arrived safely to Benin in February just a day behind schedule and then the insanity began. It must have seemed insanity from the outside looking in (and well, from the inside looking out at times too!). First, we had to set up the hospital area. This sounds easy enough but it started with some serious cleaning--scrubbing the walls and down on hands and knees to scrub the floors. After the cleaning came unpacking and setting up the wards. We were still desperately working on set-up when our first tour of the hospital by the Benin Minister of Health occurred. Several tours and days later and it was on to the second phase of getting the hospital going--finding patients!

The process of finding patients actually started several months before we left Liberia. A team of four came as advance to Benin to begin the paperwork and work with the local media and churches to prepare for the arrival of the Africa Mercy. One of the preparations that the Advance Team did was to have the media and churches announce the screening days the ship would be holding in mid-February to find patients. Screening day...thousands of people lined up beginning the day before hoping to be seen by the crew of the Africa Mercy. They waited in the hot sun and through the muggy night and again in the hot sun on the day of screening. There was a pre-screen area outside the auditorium where patients with eye problems were pulled out for a separate screening and where others were turned away with problems that were not surgical or not any of the surgical specialties on board. After the pre-screening, the hopeful patients moved into the auditorium and waited more as they were seen by general crew obtaining logistical information (name, tribe, language, age, etc) and then on to one of the many nurses who obtained a health history and vital signs (heart rate, respiratory rate and blood pressure). After this, they waited to see the surgeons and anesthetists. At this point, again, some were sent away as there was nothing we could do. Other crew members prayed with them and counseled them. But, if the surgeon assessed them and agreed they were a candidate for surgery, then they were sent to be worked into the ten month surgery schedule. After this, they waited to have lab work done or be scheduled to have x-rays done and received vitamins and iron tablets. Some of them went home to wait months until they will return for their procedure. Some have already been to the ship, had their surgeries and returned home.

Screening days were fun and tiring and heartbreaking. Most of the crew was involved, even those who are not in the medical field. They served as security or handing out water and bread or playing with the children. The day started at 3am for some and ended at 10pm for others. But everyone was working together and serving as our Father has called us to. There were times it was heartbreaking as some could not be helped and were turned away. But this, too, is in the hands of God, so no despair.

Now we are almost two full months into the surgery outreach. The touch of insanity remained even at the start of surgeries as people settled back into familiar roles or new crew learned the ropes. We started with all six operating rooms open this year so we "hit the ground running!" But things have settled a bit and now we are more in just a day to day routine. It has been good even with the craziness to start. I have been primarily working with the children so far and had the cutest little guy the other day. He had just woken up from having a cleft lip repaired. He made the most adorable faces as he tried to see what it was that felt so different and when he couldn't, settled for running his tongue over and over the new full lip.

Benin seems quite different than Liberia. The streets don't have yawning potholes waiting to swallow cars whole. The buildings are not shells or riddled with bullets. There doesn't seem to be the same level of despair or unease when walking on the streets. Even the dock is different in that it is much busier. (The port we are in is one of the busiest in West Africa!) The language is different--French based and of course the local dialects. It makes for some interesting "discussions" with the people...my very small French and lots of pantomime! We are called yovos by the people of Benin and it is not uncommon to be walking down the street and hearing the children call out "yovo, yovo."

This work is just as much yours as it is mine and it is all for His glory. I could not be here serving if it weren't for my gracious financial and prayer supporters. For that I thank you. And I pray that this work will bless you as well. I know I say this in each of my letters but it is true. Each of the people pictured above and the many who aren't pictured are people who your support has helped to change their lives. I am only the hands. Thank you, for myself and those who cannot say thank you.

fruit

i have been quite at a loss lately on what i wanted to read/study in the Word in my own quiet times. i tend to read through the Bible by groupings of verses or do a word study (like earlier when i did a study on the hands of God). but lately, no leading really, just kinda wherever i happen to open up. but the Psalms have been speaking to me every time one is mentioned so i thought i would do a study on the Psalms next...40ish days in the Psalms (one in the morning, one in the evening plus a little leeway with 119!)

the first day...Psalm 1 was quite freeing. i am currently memorizing John 15. ("I am the Vine, you are the branches...") and there is much in this passage about bearing fruit and there are times i just don't feel fruitful. well, most of the time, i have a hard time seeing fruit in my own life...maybe b/c i am too involved in my own life??? or sometimes b/c i listen to satan's lies? anyways, i do worry a bit when i feel i am being unfruitful so Psalm 1 was quite freeing when i read "and yields its fruit in season". even though this is also one of my memory verses (well passages) it just never struck me before that there are seasons in fruitfulness. it was as if a weight had been lifted. not that i shouldn't strive to be fruitful but that sometimes there are going to be times when i won't be and perhaps it is just winter and not necessarily sinfulness keeping me from bearing fruit.

this may seem elementary to whoever reads this and if so, i hope it is just a good reminder. if not, then i hope it encourages you as it did me.

bewitched

a few weeks ago we had a patient die after a very rough post-operative period. by the end, her death was a release, a blessing to be away from the body now out of her control. one of our translators said her family was saying she was bewitched. my western mind (in both medical and spiritual thought) dismissed this thought. but a few days later in one of my quiet times, it came back to me. and as i thought about it and listened to the Holy Spirit's leading, i had to accept that it is possible she was "bewitched". when we were headed to benin, we were talking about the things to expect in the country including its religious ideology and it was easy to think of all the spiritual warfare we would face. but then, we got here, and it was life as usual then the thoughts of spiritual warfare went by the wayside. and we go on with our day to day and just outside the ship is the voodoo capital of the world, a large body of muslim believers and a cult religion or two. could it be demonic forces? absolutely. is that scary? yes! but is God still Sovereign? yes, praise the Lord, hallelujah, amen!

so, please pray for us as we do come up against forces opposed to the work of Christ. and it is easy to forget. and i will pray for you as well.

"i wanna hold your hand"

thoughts on exodus 17:9-12

sometimes it seems as if the job we are given is insignificant or that no matter our part, someone else will get the glory. sometimes it seems as if our names are not known or that they pale in comparison to the other names involved. certainly in this battle of israel against the amalekites, aaron and hur could have felt such. moses (THE MOSES!) only had to lift or lower his hands to change the direction of the battle. joshua (JOSHUA!) was in the midst of the fray. and although aaron had a 'name', he and hur were only to stand beside moses and hold his hand. and yet, without their work, the battle would have been lost. their standing beside this great well known leader holding his hand was their work...to hold his hands when he could not, to stand beside him. so, sometimes, the work is 'glorious' but sometimes, we go a long only to hold another's hands. but the work needs both. and sometimes everyone may know your name and sometimes maybe they don't. but the work belongs to all, name or no, holding hands or leading the charge.

HIPPA

this one is more for my american healthcare friends.

today as we were giving report, 2 of the dutch speaking nurses gave report in dutch. another american nurse and i just laughed and said what a great way to provide patient confidentiality! we decided that would be the solution to some of the HIPPA issues. all medical professionals would be required to learn/speak another language that is not widely used in america for work purposes. then, you can give report in the middle of the dining room if you like and no one will know what you are saying :) i said russian, alaine said swahili.

yeah

i have a friend who when you ask how she is, she answers "yeah" sometimes, she follows this yeah with a good or happy or whatever else but i have grown used to hearing yeah as an answer to this question. it makes me smile, mainly b/c she makes me smile.

so, when people ask me how it's going here, sometimes i just want to say "yeah". people expect that b/c i live on a ship in west africa that every day is exciting. it isn't. a lot of my week (and sometimes all week) is just a normal day-to-day routine. i get up, go to work, work out, eat a few meals, read a book, maybe spend some time with friends and then sleep. much like my life at home. the difference being that my life here is contained in a very small space....all of it--grocery shopping, going to starbucks, the library, my house, my work. and so sometimes it feels as if my blog must be boring b/c well, sometimes even life on a ship in west africa can be boring. not bad boring, but not exciting boring. and then there is the thought that if all i blog about are the exciting things, it sounds like i'm on holiday. and although i like to play and play hard when i do, i am just here living life.

so, nothing profound today. just life.

famous last words

last week i read a book called "the note" by angela hunt. the premise of the book is a note that survived a plane crash that were last words from a father. the note was short and sweet "t, all is forgiven. i love you. dad" the book was very good. thru her search for the recipient of the note the heroine of the book must battle her own demons and find some reconciliation of her own.

it made me wonder what my last words would be and who would i want them to go to. if i were to die today, are there any i should reconcile with? are there any in my life who don't know of or doubt my love for them? or should i instead send my thanks to someone? who and why? or is there some other word that should be said? again why and who?

this is not meant to be a melancholy note. it was to recommend a book and share with you some of the thoughts of my mind...it is after all "my mind out loud" hehe ;-)

ps. for those of you who recently have posted comments and found them gone, if they contained your email address, i removed them for your protection. thanks for the comments. they were read and appreciated. and your email is now in my email in a safe place.

opposites

During our prayer time a couple of days ago we were praying for the Holy Spirit to come and move and intercede and some words of His ways of working came to mind. the ways seem weirdly opposite but both are necessary works of the Holy Spirit

--reveal our sins and cover us over in His blood/peace

--break our hearts and bind up the broken

--wound and heal

--admonish and encourage

--pour us out and fill us up

--speak for us and hear us

Any you can think of?

benin

ok, i've been trying to figure out how to write this without sounded like a fractured wikipedia note about benin. i guess i'll start with a few facts and end with first impressions. unfortunately i have no photos to go with first impressions.

we arrived into port in cotonou, benin on tuesday 10 february. our original arrival was supposed to happen on monday afternoon but due to some engine trouble, we rode at anchor most of monday and then quietly slipped into our berth on tuesday. is is definitely west africa. hot. humid. a few half sunken ships in the harbor. there is a bit of leftover haze from the saharan dust cloud called the harmattan which was in the air in january.

benin itself used to be a french colony before gaining their independence. it is bordered to the east by nigeria, to the west by togo and to the north by both burkina faso and niger. the primary language is french with many tribal dialects. the primary religion according to the census is Chrisitan. almost equally as influential is islam and voodoo. in fact, benin is the voodoo capital of the world. and many combine some of their ancestral/tribal worship styles (knowingly or not) with their Christian and muslim faith practices. although there is still significan poverty, there has also been large development of the nation recently. (end of facts...check out wikipedia for more :) !)

it is almost hard to believe i am in west africa. the city on the surface seems much more developed. there are many buildings that are multi-level. they are intact, not war-damaged. the streets are paved. there are sidewalks. restaurants. the atmosphere feels safer. perhaps it is the lack of u.n. tanks. but, there are still armed guards into certain buildings and it is weird how i feel that someone standing at a gate with an assault rifle is normal. i admit to some apprehension at the level of spiritual darkness here.

but, i am glad to be here. i am glad to get the work started again. i'll share more about the work in my next couple of posts. we have our screening days on thursday and friday to evaluate the benin people as surgical candidates. if they are approved, we will "book" them for their surgery date then and we begin surgeries on tuesday 24 february. please be in prayer for both those who will be coming to the ship for surgeries and also for those who are not candidates.

sorry it's a bit boring but hopefully the next will be better =)

hands

Some thoughts about God’s character revealed by descriptions of His hands.


I started a study of God’s hands to see what it revealed about His character after our Scripture memory group memorized a verse about His hands. And after reading all 1409 verses in the Bible that speak of hand (not necessarily God’s) this is what His hands say about Him…

In His hands: life, deliverance, greatness, power, abundance, good, fulfillment, eternal pleasures, salvation, discipline, awesome deeds, all things come, we are held within, healing, the world, longevity, and satisfaction.

His hands are: mighty, strong, favorable, good, majestic, omnipotent, filled with righteousness, and exalted. His hands: cover me, uphold, fight for, shadow us, help, created, sustain, and guide.

And although I read, I did not mark all the verses that spoke of His discipline…it too is His character…He disciplines those He loves but how dreadful His hand upon or against those opposed to Him.

blog about benin mid-week. sorry i haven't done it yet.

last days of tenerife

so i was reminded last night that i needed to blog...which i already knew but it has been hard figuring out what to blog about. although tenerife wasn't fully a vacation, it was a bit and it is hard to write about that to people at home who are praying for and financially supporting my work when i'm not really doing it for a month. but the work the deck and engineering departments did during that "vacation" time was necessary so it all works together somehow. the rest and refreshment of the time was needed as we are about to enter a season of busy-ness. we arrive to benin on monday (and more about that monday i hope) to begin the medical work again.

for now, i'll wrap up tenerife for you.

highlights...we got to go for some beautiful drives. (apart from the motion sickness of riding up mountain roads that looked as if a child developed the road plan). the island is beautiful. i'm only half joking when i say i could retire here. there is the beauty of the spanish villages tucked into the mountainside. the mountains and the ocean, my two favorite terrains tucked up next to each other. often, the higher we got into the mountains, the more a blanket of mist settled around us making far sight difficult. but then, you would come through the mist and this lush green mountain would be backdropped by the ocean waves crashing into the beach. we also were able to eat at some seriously yummy restaurants. one weekend we drove through the misting rain up towards "el teide" the slumbering volcano from which the island was birthed. it was one of those days when the mist just lifted and wow...a snow covered peak rising above fields of a ragged rocky bed where the volcano had once upon a time spewed forth rock and lava. some of the more adventurous in our group climbed about half way up but i was content to scramble over the rock bed figuring out my way up this boulder and behind that one. my last weekend in tenerife was spent camping and hiking. it was cold and wet and a blast! it misted part of our hike up to the camping area and then it began to outright rain so we arrived wet and cold. after setting up tents and getting dry-ish, the guys got a fire going and we pretty much spent the rest of the day around it eating some fantastic food (thanks to cathy) and staying warm and chatting and having a worship session and playing silly campfire games and taking a walk in the dark. the next morning, it had dried up a bit and we had a wonderful breakfast of pancakes (thanks to daniel) and fried potatoes with eggs and toast (thanks to cathy and marylou for that) and coffee and tea. shortly after we finished breakfast and another worship session, park rangers showed up and told us we couldn't camp there, burn a fire there, or park the vehicle where it was. by God's grace we had a spanish speaker with us who was able to help us clear up the mess and the rangers were very nice to let us off with a warning b/c we had an old map that designated that as a camping spot. half the group went home at this point but the rest of us opted for a hike. it was beautiful and wet and muddy. at the top of the mountain daniel shared a bit from God's Word and then hiking down and a lunch of pb&j sandwhiches before heading down to the bus and back to the ship. and getting to meet amy's dad, miriam's mom and dad, and sarah's parents and sister.

lowlights...the aforementioned park rangers. my cabin-mate and dear friend having to be hospitalized.

below are some pics from el teide and camping.